Everyone else is doing it (well not here anyway only Sonybone bothered) but here is my best of 2009.
VIDEOGAMES
I really didn't have much to pick from this year. I was unemployed for a good portion of the year so I didn't really have a chance to play as many new games as I would have liked. So out of the the games I did play (and really I loved the other contenders just as much as this game), Modern Warfare 2 was the best game for me. I love guns and explosions and this game has them in spades. Despite the community constantly trying to ruin everyone's play experience.
MOVIES
This one is actually a tie. It's between two remakes (which is kind of a surprise for me) but both were awesome.
Star Trek: I'm not a Trekkie, at all. For a brief time I was really into Deep Space Nine but that was it. The movie was great. It really shows that you don't have to shit on the source material to remake a franchise for current audiences. Everything that came before it was preserved and it has plenty of potential to grow. The casting was good, the acting was great, the special effects were great, and the story was engaging. It was just a really well rounded movie and it worked on every level.
Friday the 13th: This was the other remake that was great. This was the perfect Jason movie. The effects were completely excellent, it was bloody but not so much that it distracted with the ridiculousness of it. The guy playing Jason was great as well. For someone who doesn't show facial expressions or talk, he conveys a ton of emotion. This was important because Jason is the centerpiece of the movie. I really had no problems with any part of this movie.
TELEVISION
This is hard because there was some good TV and there was some bad tv. Jeez was there some bad TV. But there was a clear best for me.
Doctor Who: The Waters of Mars: This was the best thing I've ever seen on Television. The story was good, there is sentient (evil) water on Mars and it wants to get on Earth because it is a planet filled with water that it can infect. The Doctor (David Tennant who sadly leaves Doctor Who tomorrow) knows that everyone involved is going to die and that he can't change it. He faces this fact as well as his own curiosity about what happened to these people on Mars (who are famous). The ending was AMAZING, especially for someone who has been following the show since it restarted in 2005.
MUSIC
I didn't get any new music this year. Although I intended to get Kottonmouth Kings' "Green Album" and 311's "Uplifter" I just didn't get around to it.
BOOKS
I've been working on a backlog of books so I didn't get anything that came out in 2009. I don't really read that much anymore so I probably will never be current.
COMICS
Everything new that I read from the big companies was completely awful. I'm sure Dark Horse and Image put out some quality books but I've pretty much given up on today's comics so I wouldn't know. I did start buying Image comics from the startup (mostly the Wildstorm and Extreme Studios portions) and a few others (L.E.G.I.O.N. and X-Men 2099).
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
My Favorite Stuff From 2009
by SonnyBone
---------------------------------
Yo, suckaz. I see lots of talk about GAME OF THE YEAR and ALBUM OF THE YEAR and bla and bla. So... seeing as how I've played a ton of games and listened to a ton of music, I guess I should tell everyone what I enjoyed the most as if they give a crap.
SO HERE WE GO
The following are my top 10 games that were actually released in 2009 that I happened to particularly enjoy:
1) Punchout! (Wii)
2) Madworld (Wii)
3) Skate 2 (PS3)
4) Little King's Story (Wii)
5) Wii Sports Resort (Wii)
6) F.E.A.R. 2: Project Origin (PS3)
7) New Super Mario Brothers (Wii)
8) Fat Princess (PS3)
9) Muramasa: The Demon Blade (Wii)
10) Brutal Legend (PS3)
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Trash Panic (PS3)
A Boy And His Blob (Wii)
So I guess my vote for GAME OF THE YEAR 2009 goes to PUNCHOUT! I really don't need to explain why. It's the single greatest 'rebirth' of a classic game.
Madworld comes in at a VERY close second place. I had more fun with this game than almost anything else I can remember. Madworld is what No More Heroes TRIED to be: Fun from beginning to end with loads of style and humor.
Skate 2 was a phenomenal game from top to bottom, and Skate 3 will be one of the best games of 2010.
Little King's Story did NOT disappoint in what can only be described as: PIKMIN MEETS HARVEST MOON.
And fifth place goes to Wii Sports Resort, which totally floored me in ways I didn't expect. It was JUST AS FUN as the original Wii Sports, if not more.
----------------------------------------------
There are several other games that I played the hell out of this year... but they didn't actually release in 2009. Here's my top 3 games of the year that didn't actually come out this year.
1) Fallout 3 (PS3)
The release of DLC content on the PS3 platform extended the life of this game into 2010. That's amazing.
2) Saints Row 2 (PS3)
This is so much better than GTAIV that I can't even comprehend it. I am so incredibly excited for part 3.
3) Order Up! (Wii)
I got this game in mid 2008, and I STILL play it. It's easily one of the best Wii games to date.
---------------------------------------------
MUSIC!
Oh boy...
Overall, 2009 was a letdown for me in the world of music. Many of the albums I was looking forward to did NOT impress me at all. I was surprised, however, by two released that blew me away. In the end, I only have 2 top albums of the year because they stand head and shoulders above everything else I listened to.
1) "Act II: The Father Of Death" - The Protomen
This album contains more emotion than anything I've heard on the radio in the past decade... COMBINED. It's basically a rock opera about the origins of Doctor Light and Doctor Wily (from the Mega Man universe), and it's the best thing I've heard in YEARS. EASILY the album of the year, IMO.
2) "The Pariah, the Parrot, the Delusion" - Dredg
This is the greatest release from Dredg, and that's really saying something. They simply get better with age, and that's not always true in the world of music. This album moves me both lyrically and musically, which is all I really ask for in a band.
----------------------------------------------
So that's it. I'm not gonna link to anything or post any pictures or videos. If you give a shit, then you'll research this stuff yourself. If not, then why the hell did you read it?
See you suckaz in 2010!
BEWARE OF!
---------------------------------
Yo, suckaz. I see lots of talk about GAME OF THE YEAR and ALBUM OF THE YEAR and bla and bla. So... seeing as how I've played a ton of games and listened to a ton of music, I guess I should tell everyone what I enjoyed the most as if they give a crap.
SO HERE WE GO
The following are my top 10 games that were actually released in 2009 that I happened to particularly enjoy:
1) Punchout! (Wii)
2) Madworld (Wii)
3) Skate 2 (PS3)
4) Little King's Story (Wii)
5) Wii Sports Resort (Wii)
6) F.E.A.R. 2: Project Origin (PS3)
7) New Super Mario Brothers (Wii)
8) Fat Princess (PS3)
9) Muramasa: The Demon Blade (Wii)
10) Brutal Legend (PS3)
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Trash Panic (PS3)
A Boy And His Blob (Wii)
So I guess my vote for GAME OF THE YEAR 2009 goes to PUNCHOUT! I really don't need to explain why. It's the single greatest 'rebirth' of a classic game.
Madworld comes in at a VERY close second place. I had more fun with this game than almost anything else I can remember. Madworld is what No More Heroes TRIED to be: Fun from beginning to end with loads of style and humor.
Skate 2 was a phenomenal game from top to bottom, and Skate 3 will be one of the best games of 2010.
Little King's Story did NOT disappoint in what can only be described as: PIKMIN MEETS HARVEST MOON.
And fifth place goes to Wii Sports Resort, which totally floored me in ways I didn't expect. It was JUST AS FUN as the original Wii Sports, if not more.
----------------------------------------------
There are several other games that I played the hell out of this year... but they didn't actually release in 2009. Here's my top 3 games of the year that didn't actually come out this year.
1) Fallout 3 (PS3)
The release of DLC content on the PS3 platform extended the life of this game into 2010. That's amazing.
2) Saints Row 2 (PS3)
This is so much better than GTAIV that I can't even comprehend it. I am so incredibly excited for part 3.
3) Order Up! (Wii)
I got this game in mid 2008, and I STILL play it. It's easily one of the best Wii games to date.
---------------------------------------------
MUSIC!
Oh boy...
Overall, 2009 was a letdown for me in the world of music. Many of the albums I was looking forward to did NOT impress me at all. I was surprised, however, by two released that blew me away. In the end, I only have 2 top albums of the year because they stand head and shoulders above everything else I listened to.
1) "Act II: The Father Of Death" - The Protomen
This album contains more emotion than anything I've heard on the radio in the past decade... COMBINED. It's basically a rock opera about the origins of Doctor Light and Doctor Wily (from the Mega Man universe), and it's the best thing I've heard in YEARS. EASILY the album of the year, IMO.
2) "The Pariah, the Parrot, the Delusion" - Dredg
This is the greatest release from Dredg, and that's really saying something. They simply get better with age, and that's not always true in the world of music. This album moves me both lyrically and musically, which is all I really ask for in a band.
----------------------------------------------
So that's it. I'm not gonna link to anything or post any pictures or videos. If you give a shit, then you'll research this stuff yourself. If not, then why the hell did you read it?
See you suckaz in 2010!
BEWARE OF!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
TheDenizen talks End of the World
Hello again, ninja dudes.
Gonna change gears this entry and talk about something other than ninjas for once. Today it's all about the Apocalypse, or more specifically, Post-Apocalypse. We all know that Mad Max was fucking awesome, and Road Warrior was even better (let's just pretend that Thunderdome never happened, ok?), and they were both very influential. Since Mad Max movies were relatively cheap to produce and made a shit-ton of money, it was only natural that million crappy knockoffs with tough dudes kicking ass in the wasteland would flood the market shortly thereafter.
And flood the market they did. Italy, Spain and the Philippines started cranking out these shitburgers like there was no tomorrow. Universally cheap and rushed, these flicks are a gold mine for the connoisseur of celluloid abortions like myself. Let's examine a small handful of examples from the Post Apocalypse genre.
2020: Texas Gladiators (1982) - This flick is about a group of 5 Rangers who travel around a post-nuclear war Texas meting out justice in a lawless land. It starts out with an incredible assault on a wasteland church by a horde of slavering mutants (well, guys with green paint on their faces). They crucify the priest, and gangrape one of the nuns while another nun desperately slashes her own throat with a shard of glass to avoid the same fate. The Rangers show up, fill the church with smoke bombs and then use shotguns and machetes to slaughter every single mutant as they run out. Sweet. Sadly the rest of the film doesn't quite live up to the opening, as one of the Rangers goes rogue right away and another quits to join up with a group of civilians trying to defend and repair a factory/refinery. A group of evil bikers led by the rogue Ranger eventually show up and massacre/enslave the civilians, and the remaining 3 Rangers are left to exact bloody revenge. Not bad, but it does drag through the middle a bit. Tons of squibs.
The New Barbarians (1982) - This Z-grade Italian flick is brutal. As in brutally bad. I'm going to spoil the shit out of it here, so if you don't wanna know, skip ahead. After a nuclear holocaust, an evil gang of homosexual bikers dressed as Stormtroopers and calling themselves "The Templars" are on a mission to exterminate the few remaining humans. Into the mix comes Scorpion, an Italian Mad Max wannabe with a badass car and a score to settle with the Templars. He gets captured and RAPED by the Templars, but then gets saved by Fred Fucking Williamson, who chews up the low budget scenery as an invincible archer. They team up and wipe out the Templars in a protracted and ridiculous scene full of guns that go "pew pew". The End. There, I just saved you an hour and a half of corny dialog and awful slow-mo action scenes (and male rape).
Stryker (1983) - They obviously had a bit of a budget for this one, since they had real tanks and an actual Interceptor just like Mad Max's but they must've spent all their money there. The "story" is some ridiculous twaddle about finding a new fresh water source in the aftermath of a nuclear war, but really it's just 90 minutes of bad actors staggering about a gravel pit shooting at each other. They're killing each other over a few drops of water, but no one ever mentions where all the gas for their dozens of vehicles comes from. I had to go back and rewatch several parts because I could barely stay awake during this snooze-fest.
The Warrior and the Princess (1984) - This chunk of schlock is essentially a remake of Yojimbo/Fistful of Dollars in a nuclear wasteland setting with David Carradine in the lead role. Carradine is a warrior monk (shocker) who wanders into a dirty little town controlled by two rival factions, both vying for control of the only well in the area. Unbelievably cheap and cheesy, but it does have a mutant chick with four tits.
Recently Post Apocalypse films are back in vogue, with Hollywood throwing some real money at the productions. Current examples of the type include the excellent Children of Men, The Road, and the upcoming Book of Eli with Denzel Washington fucking people up with a machete. Lookin forward to that one.
Also, at some point in the new year, the HeadNinja and myself are planning to post a special review of "Escape from the Bronx", another Italian Post Apocalypse monstrosity. Don't miss it.
Gonna change gears this entry and talk about something other than ninjas for once. Today it's all about the Apocalypse, or more specifically, Post-Apocalypse. We all know that Mad Max was fucking awesome, and Road Warrior was even better (let's just pretend that Thunderdome never happened, ok?), and they were both very influential. Since Mad Max movies were relatively cheap to produce and made a shit-ton of money, it was only natural that million crappy knockoffs with tough dudes kicking ass in the wasteland would flood the market shortly thereafter.
And flood the market they did. Italy, Spain and the Philippines started cranking out these shitburgers like there was no tomorrow. Universally cheap and rushed, these flicks are a gold mine for the connoisseur of celluloid abortions like myself. Let's examine a small handful of examples from the Post Apocalypse genre.
2020: Texas Gladiators (1982) - This flick is about a group of 5 Rangers who travel around a post-nuclear war Texas meting out justice in a lawless land. It starts out with an incredible assault on a wasteland church by a horde of slavering mutants (well, guys with green paint on their faces). They crucify the priest, and gangrape one of the nuns while another nun desperately slashes her own throat with a shard of glass to avoid the same fate. The Rangers show up, fill the church with smoke bombs and then use shotguns and machetes to slaughter every single mutant as they run out. Sweet. Sadly the rest of the film doesn't quite live up to the opening, as one of the Rangers goes rogue right away and another quits to join up with a group of civilians trying to defend and repair a factory/refinery. A group of evil bikers led by the rogue Ranger eventually show up and massacre/enslave the civilians, and the remaining 3 Rangers are left to exact bloody revenge. Not bad, but it does drag through the middle a bit. Tons of squibs.
The New Barbarians (1982) - This Z-grade Italian flick is brutal. As in brutally bad. I'm going to spoil the shit out of it here, so if you don't wanna know, skip ahead. After a nuclear holocaust, an evil gang of homosexual bikers dressed as Stormtroopers and calling themselves "The Templars" are on a mission to exterminate the few remaining humans. Into the mix comes Scorpion, an Italian Mad Max wannabe with a badass car and a score to settle with the Templars. He gets captured and RAPED by the Templars, but then gets saved by Fred Fucking Williamson, who chews up the low budget scenery as an invincible archer. They team up and wipe out the Templars in a protracted and ridiculous scene full of guns that go "pew pew". The End. There, I just saved you an hour and a half of corny dialog and awful slow-mo action scenes (and male rape).
Stryker (1983) - They obviously had a bit of a budget for this one, since they had real tanks and an actual Interceptor just like Mad Max's but they must've spent all their money there. The "story" is some ridiculous twaddle about finding a new fresh water source in the aftermath of a nuclear war, but really it's just 90 minutes of bad actors staggering about a gravel pit shooting at each other. They're killing each other over a few drops of water, but no one ever mentions where all the gas for their dozens of vehicles comes from. I had to go back and rewatch several parts because I could barely stay awake during this snooze-fest.
The Warrior and the Princess (1984) - This chunk of schlock is essentially a remake of Yojimbo/Fistful of Dollars in a nuclear wasteland setting with David Carradine in the lead role. Carradine is a warrior monk (shocker) who wanders into a dirty little town controlled by two rival factions, both vying for control of the only well in the area. Unbelievably cheap and cheesy, but it does have a mutant chick with four tits.
Recently Post Apocalypse films are back in vogue, with Hollywood throwing some real money at the productions. Current examples of the type include the excellent Children of Men, The Road, and the upcoming Book of Eli with Denzel Washington fucking people up with a machete. Lookin forward to that one.
Also, at some point in the new year, the HeadNinja and myself are planning to post a special review of "Escape from the Bronx", another Italian Post Apocalypse monstrosity. Don't miss it.
COALPLEX
WELL WELL WELL
It's Christmas time, you sniveling little shits, so let's get down to the nitty gritty. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
I'M PISSED NOW
Fuck a Christmas goose.
And I don't mean sexually.
We're talking bout some fine cuisine.
YEAH
YOU KNOW I'M TALKIN BOUT FILLET MIGNON
Man, Ray Fillet was such a shitty character. Why did they add him to the show? I mean, Napoleon Bonafrog was bad enough... but RAY FUCKIN FILLET? Eat my feces.
YOUR T SHIRTS ARE TOO TIGHT, TOO, BILLY!
It's Christmas time, you sniveling little shits, so let's get down to the nitty gritty. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
I'M PISSED NOW
Fuck a Christmas goose.
And I don't mean sexually.
We're talking bout some fine cuisine.
YEAH
YOU KNOW I'M TALKIN BOUT FILLET MIGNON
Man, Ray Fillet was such a shitty character. Why did they add him to the show? I mean, Napoleon Bonafrog was bad enough... but RAY FUCKIN FILLET? Eat my feces.
YOUR T SHIRTS ARE TOO TIGHT, TOO, BILLY!
Monday, December 21, 2009
Calling all KBN contributors...
On orders from the Highest Ninjitsu Practitioner, I'll be making (among other things) new header and sidebar graphics for the KBN Productions blog.
And now the audience-participation portion: I'll need some suggestions from you guys on what to incorporate into them (besides a ninja and a lucha and probably a Bad Dudes title screen). Of course, Troma's decisions are final here, but I'll be seeing what you guys are capable of suggesting...for better or worse. :)
And now the audience-participation portion: I'll need some suggestions from you guys on what to incorporate into them (besides a ninja and a lucha and probably a Bad Dudes title screen). Of course, Troma's decisions are final here, but I'll be seeing what you guys are capable of suggesting...for better or worse. :)
Of Rats and Chucks
Growing up, I fucking loved me some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Thing is, shit was confusing, man. Shit was so...conflicted.
Most of us were probably introduced to TMNT through the cartoon. I happened to be introduced through the toys- I had bought Michelangelo from the very first wave of figures, because I loved nunchaku(hey, I'll accept nunchucks, but if you say numbchucks you're a fucking idiot) ever since I saw Bruce Lee use them, and they'd make pretty much any toy that used them an instant purchase(Though I never had Panthro-I wasn't into the Thundercats toys despite liking the cartoon).
Now, nunchuku are illegal to carry in my home state of California, and you can't even ship them to a lot of states in the US, but this is nothing compared to the European treatment of the weapon. In a market where you weren't even allowed to say the word "ninja"(fucking TEENAGE MUTANT HERO TURTLES? Give me a break.), Mikey's weapons were edited out of the TV show and some of the releases of the live action film.
So we still got the chucks, no problem, man. Well, eventually, they caved in to pressure and TOOK MIKEY'S WEAPONS AWAY. Some of you might remember the first syndicated cartoon the most, but it eventually moved onto CBS, with a slightly different design...and Mikey had a fucking grappling hook as a weapon.
I was so pissed, you guys. It was fucking bullshit.
I couldn't get into the show at that point. I had to stop watching. They killed my favorite character.
Enter THE NEXT MUTATION. Okay, this show sucked pretty bad, unleashing the abomination of VENUS DE MILO, THE FEMALE TURTLE onto the world. And they crossed over with Power Rangers and didn't totally kick their asses, which is basically doing a job to them because THEY'RE THE FUCKING NINJA TURTLES DUDE, they could fight Krang when his robot body grew to Godzilla height and WIN, so fuck a Megazord. My anger is guiding me away from the real issue here- they took away Mikey's chucks again. Motherfucker got saddled with TONFA.
Okay, nunchaku are fucking awesome, man. Tonfa are a fucking NIGHTSTICK. I couldn't even lie to myself and say "Man, maybe Mikey loves the Big Boss Man as much as you do." It wasn't working. I had to not watch, again.
At least the new cartoon fixed that shit.
While this inconsistancy existed, at least it happened as a progression. Mikey lost the chucks, get over it(like anyone could) or stop watching(EXACTLY). The treatment of the origins of Master Splinter were fucking MIND BOGGLING to kids.
In the toyline, and the cartoon, which most of us considered gospel, Splinter was a normal dude named Hamada Yoshi that got turned into a rat when he was hit with the same mutagen that turned the turtles into Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Since the turtles were last in contact with Splinter, they became like people. Since Splinter was handling rats right before he was splashed, he became a rat man.
Then, the cinematic event of the century(as far as we were concerned) happened. The LIVE ACTION TMNT MOVIE!
And man, not only were fucking Bebop and Rocksteady not in it, and NO KRANG, but Splinter was a rat first that got mutated. Many a schoolyard conversation revolved around the movie being good and everything, but that stuff being fucking bullshit.
Little did we know that it was the original origin of Splinter in the Eastman and Laird comics, that none of us could read because collectors were selling them for $100 a pop. The cartoon went and changed everything, and since it was what we were exposed to, we all thought the movie was wrong.
But was it? I'm going to go with yes on this. I mean, it makes sense that the mutagen would make a rat man like it made turtle teens, but it also meant that ninjas had pet rats that would watch them train and mimic their movements, and swear revenge when their master is murdered. All pre-mutation, mind you.
But the cartoon origin...that shit was tragic. Splinter was a dude, and became a rat. It was bad enough that he was homeless and living in a sewer, he mutated into an animal that would make the shit smell even MORE powerful due to heightened animal senses. Turtles live swimming in their own shit anyway, so they don't matter. We had hope that Splinter would become human once again, because he was human once, and lived the life of a normal guy until fate kicked him in the balls. Nobody wanted to see the turtles de-mutate into regular turtles again, but Splinter becoming human was even the ending in some of the great and not-so great Turtles video games we grew up playing.
HOW DID WE WRAP OUR HEADS AROUND THIS STUFF?
--HeadNinja Tromataker
Thing is, shit was confusing, man. Shit was so...conflicted.
Most of us were probably introduced to TMNT through the cartoon. I happened to be introduced through the toys- I had bought Michelangelo from the very first wave of figures, because I loved nunchaku(hey, I'll accept nunchucks, but if you say numbchucks you're a fucking idiot) ever since I saw Bruce Lee use them, and they'd make pretty much any toy that used them an instant purchase(Though I never had Panthro-I wasn't into the Thundercats toys despite liking the cartoon).
Now, nunchuku are illegal to carry in my home state of California, and you can't even ship them to a lot of states in the US, but this is nothing compared to the European treatment of the weapon. In a market where you weren't even allowed to say the word "ninja"(fucking TEENAGE MUTANT HERO TURTLES? Give me a break.), Mikey's weapons were edited out of the TV show and some of the releases of the live action film.
So we still got the chucks, no problem, man. Well, eventually, they caved in to pressure and TOOK MIKEY'S WEAPONS AWAY. Some of you might remember the first syndicated cartoon the most, but it eventually moved onto CBS, with a slightly different design...and Mikey had a fucking grappling hook as a weapon.
I was so pissed, you guys. It was fucking bullshit.
I couldn't get into the show at that point. I had to stop watching. They killed my favorite character.
Enter THE NEXT MUTATION. Okay, this show sucked pretty bad, unleashing the abomination of VENUS DE MILO, THE FEMALE TURTLE onto the world. And they crossed over with Power Rangers and didn't totally kick their asses, which is basically doing a job to them because THEY'RE THE FUCKING NINJA TURTLES DUDE, they could fight Krang when his robot body grew to Godzilla height and WIN, so fuck a Megazord. My anger is guiding me away from the real issue here- they took away Mikey's chucks again. Motherfucker got saddled with TONFA.
Okay, nunchaku are fucking awesome, man. Tonfa are a fucking NIGHTSTICK. I couldn't even lie to myself and say "Man, maybe Mikey loves the Big Boss Man as much as you do." It wasn't working. I had to not watch, again.
At least the new cartoon fixed that shit.
While this inconsistancy existed, at least it happened as a progression. Mikey lost the chucks, get over it(like anyone could) or stop watching(EXACTLY). The treatment of the origins of Master Splinter were fucking MIND BOGGLING to kids.
In the toyline, and the cartoon, which most of us considered gospel, Splinter was a normal dude named Hamada Yoshi that got turned into a rat when he was hit with the same mutagen that turned the turtles into Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Since the turtles were last in contact with Splinter, they became like people. Since Splinter was handling rats right before he was splashed, he became a rat man.
Then, the cinematic event of the century(as far as we were concerned) happened. The LIVE ACTION TMNT MOVIE!
And man, not only were fucking Bebop and Rocksteady not in it, and NO KRANG, but Splinter was a rat first that got mutated. Many a schoolyard conversation revolved around the movie being good and everything, but that stuff being fucking bullshit.
Little did we know that it was the original origin of Splinter in the Eastman and Laird comics, that none of us could read because collectors were selling them for $100 a pop. The cartoon went and changed everything, and since it was what we were exposed to, we all thought the movie was wrong.
But was it? I'm going to go with yes on this. I mean, it makes sense that the mutagen would make a rat man like it made turtle teens, but it also meant that ninjas had pet rats that would watch them train and mimic their movements, and swear revenge when their master is murdered. All pre-mutation, mind you.
But the cartoon origin...that shit was tragic. Splinter was a dude, and became a rat. It was bad enough that he was homeless and living in a sewer, he mutated into an animal that would make the shit smell even MORE powerful due to heightened animal senses. Turtles live swimming in their own shit anyway, so they don't matter. We had hope that Splinter would become human once again, because he was human once, and lived the life of a normal guy until fate kicked him in the balls. Nobody wanted to see the turtles de-mutate into regular turtles again, but Splinter becoming human was even the ending in some of the great and not-so great Turtles video games we grew up playing.
HOW DID WE WRAP OUR HEADS AROUND THIS STUFF?
--HeadNinja Tromataker
Monday, December 14, 2009
It's Christmas
So I am doing a good deed this year for Christmas.
I just gave 75 canned goods to our local pantry, I also gave 10 books to a book drive, a pair of shoes to a shoe drive, and five toys for children ages 2-4 in a toy drive.
I'm officially broke, but I actually feel better for this.
I urge all KBNinja readers and contributors to do something nice. It doesn't have to be to the magnitude that I gave, but after working with kids for awhile now I see many situations where some people honestly have nothing.
Takes 20 minutes, and is totally worth it.
WD
I just gave 75 canned goods to our local pantry, I also gave 10 books to a book drive, a pair of shoes to a shoe drive, and five toys for children ages 2-4 in a toy drive.
I'm officially broke, but I actually feel better for this.
I urge all KBNinja readers and contributors to do something nice. It doesn't have to be to the magnitude that I gave, but after working with kids for awhile now I see many situations where some people honestly have nothing.
Takes 20 minutes, and is totally worth it.
WD
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Food, Dranks, and Games
ALL ROLLED INTO ONE POST!
First!
IRIE two weeks ago. Had the Bacon Wrapped SHRIMP, cheese grits, and home fries.
The pic looks good enough to eat again! It was all cooked amazing, and tasted great.
SECOND!
AJAX, HOME OF THE GREATEST VEGGIE PLATE IN MISSISSIPPI, and probably the world.
I didn't snap a photo of the food, but I do have one of myself drankin' a long island ice tea!
The food was also great.
FINALLY!
WORDS WITH FRIENDS RULES! IF YOU HAVE AN IPHONE, YOU MUST HAVE THIS APP!
That ends my post. I will kick your ass in a spelling game if you want to play.
First!
IRIE two weeks ago. Had the Bacon Wrapped SHRIMP, cheese grits, and home fries.
The pic looks good enough to eat again! It was all cooked amazing, and tasted great.
SECOND!
AJAX, HOME OF THE GREATEST VEGGIE PLATE IN MISSISSIPPI, and probably the world.
I didn't snap a photo of the food, but I do have one of myself drankin' a long island ice tea!
The food was also great.
FINALLY!
WORDS WITH FRIENDS RULES! IF YOU HAVE AN IPHONE, YOU MUST HAVE THIS APP!
That ends my post. I will kick your ass in a spelling game if you want to play.
Lucha Review- UWA Solo Clasicos Vol. 1
This is the first review in a series I'm going to be doing on this set of UWA discs that were recently made available to the US trading circle from a Mexican dealer. A huge thanks goes to secondcoming for organizing the buy, and making it happen so quickly. The bulk of these matches appear to take place in 1990-1991, with a handful of matches from the 70s and 80s that are dated. These discs are not complete shows, but compilations. I can't tell yet if they're in chronological order, but hopefully things will start to clear up once we get a few discs in. There are various title, mask, and hair matches on the set, so we will be able to date any title changes, or losses of masks or hair with the information provided at the fantastic LuchaWiki site. I am in no way an expert on Lucha Libre style or history, so this will be a learning experience for all of us. We've got a lot of discs to cover, here's Vol. 1.
UWA SÓLO CLÁSICOS VOL. 1
1. Ninja Sasuke/El Matematico Jr. Vs Rudy Reyna/Cassandro
We start out with young Great Sasuke teaming up with El Matematico Jr against what I believe is known as Los Exoticos, Rudy Reyna and Cassandro. Reyna and Cassandro work the gender bending gimmick perfectly, crowd pops big when Reyna kisses Matematico in the 2nd fall. I was a bit taken away by how comedic the crowd treats the gimmick, the flamboyant acts would have still been drawing good heat in the States at this time. Young Sasuke is really on in this match, hitting a 2nd rope moonsault and a few nice planchas. He works the trademark kicks in, ending with a particularly stiff spinning back kick to the chin of Cassandro. The finish was a bit too premeditated, but the 5 awkward seconds spent setting it up was about the only negative mark on the match. A very good match, actually a good bit better than I expected to start off with.
2. Los Espantos IV & V vs Las Estrellas Blancas Sr. & Jr.
Los Espantos y Las Estrellas wear identical tights and masks, making it way too tough tell who's who on either team. Villanos IV y V had it right with the numbered tights. Los Espantos were really impressive in this one. They are sons of Los Espantos III, from the original Espantos team of the 50s. One of the Espantos uses a fan's bell to do some work on one of the Estrellas, when the Estrella tries to retrieve the bell to retaliate the fan shoves it under his chair. Though rudos, the crowd is really into the Espantos. Two great back to back dives from both sides. Both dives took place directly to the left of a nice healthy lady, who appears to have an orgasm with each one. Chicks dig the topes. Los Espantos do enough innovative double team moves to send a ROH crowd into a frenzy. Another solid match.
3. Scorpio Sr & Jr vs Transformer / Celestial
Not quite as exciting as the first 2 matches. Transformer has some great entrance attire though.
4. Dr. Wagner Jr./Espanto Jr. vs Celestial / Coloso
Espanto Jr and Celestial start us off with some back and forth ground work. Espanto Jr has great facial expressions, something that tends to stand out when you watch lucha, with all the masks and what not. Espanto Jr was not a an actual family member of the original Espantos, but was given permission to use the name by Espanto II. Jr would later go on to be the original Pentagon, before a tragic near death experience ended his career in the mid 90s. Wagner Jr heels it up well. There's something about a great heel wearing all white that really seems to get to the crowd. Coloso launches Celestial high into the air and to the floor on Espanto for the biggest plancha thus far. Coloso follows it up with a decent little tope of his own. Coloso really didnt do much in the first 2 falls, but comes with some unexpected acrobatics in the 3rd. He's built like Mil Mascaras, but certainly moves a bit better. Wagner delivers the first low blow of the disc, and the rudo ref declares it a head butt to the abdomen. Coloso really sells the nut shot, and the heat piles onto Wagner. All 4 men really picked up the pace for the 3rd fall, with a few nice little spots that lead into the finish. This match is solid, this set is looking really promising.
5. The Killer/ Bull Pain / Zandokan vs Enrique Vera/Silver King / El Texano
Shit. Bull Pain? There really is some variety in this set. Someone stole a pink Macho Man jacket and is parading around the outside with the rudos. Zandokan is another guy who has great facial expressions. Zandokan takes a kick to the mid section from Vera, and sells the shit out of a nut shot. The rudo ref started to raise his hand, but the technico ref is having none of that jazz. Nothing too special here, but Zandokan is a fun rudo to watch, and its always nice to see Silver King and El Texano.
6. Fishman/ The Killer / Tigre Canadiense vs Gran Hamada/Silver King/Transformer
Young Hart Dungeon graduate Mike Lozansky is wrestling here as Tigre Canadiense, and he was also trained a bit by Bad News Allen. He's maskless, so this match is sometime shortly after October of 1991. Macho Man jacket man is back in the Rudo corner, with another fly jacket. Fishman definitely does not bang the Gran Hamada set, and he takes a cheap shot every chance he gets. He doesnt even have to be the legal man. If Hamada is slippin, Fishman is looking to get a shot in. Tigre comes out looking decent, with a nice little spot with Silver King. He then awkwardly climbs to the 2nd rope, and drops back into the weirdest looking elbow Ive ever seen. It wasnt the greatest match, but not bad.
7. Babe Face/Negro Casas/Dr. Wagner Jr vs El Hijo del Santo/Gran Hamada/El Solar I
This line up has potential. Wagner Jr and Solar set a great pace to start the match. Fast enough to catch your attention, but not so fast that they cant kick into a higher gear later on. Negro Casas really delivers as a rudo, his charisma is incredible. I got a good laugh when Wagner Jr completely no sold a Hamada submission break up attempt. He just keeps stretching Solar as the ref moves Hamada out of the ring, never turning his head to acknowledge that Hamada was there. When Wag wants to stretch someone, he's gonna stretch someone. Hamada probably shouldn't have tried it anyway, with only a few minutes left in the match Wagner Jr was working to a nice little hot tag from Solar to Hijo del Santo. The crowd eats up the finish. El Hijo del Santo finished Negro Casas off with a belly to belly suplex, hooking the head and leg for the pin. Santo holds on after the fall, wrenching Casas' neck and roughing him up a bit. I'll be looking forward to future encounters between the two. A bit shorter than I would have liked to see from the final match, but another good one.
Overall this was a fun watch. The final match delivered with the names, but match 4 is the stand out. The team of Dr Wagner Jr and Espanto Jr is great, I hope to see more from them in this set. Here's the matchlist for the next disc, we get our first taste of Bad News Allen in Mexico, as well as Bam Bam. This set also features what I believe is the last series of matches that Andre the Giant wrestled. Unfortunately, or fortunately, the match where he shits on Bad News doesn't appear to be on the set. I'm excited to see Negro Casas and Espanto Jr teaming up, two rudos with great skill and charisma.
UWA SÓLO CLASICOS VOL. 2
1. El Solar I/ El Celestial vs El Engendro/Kahoz
2. Negro Casas/El Espanto Jr vs Super Pinocho/El Halcon
3. Enrique Vera / El Psicodelico vs The Killer / American Eagle
4. Mil Mascaras/El Canek/Villano III vs Bad News Allen/Phill Lafon/Doug Furnas
5. El Texano/Silver King vs El Indomito/El Engendro
6. Enrique Vera / Dos Caras/ Villano III vs Gaint Warrior/Rambo/Bull Pain
7. Los Villanos vs Los Misinoneros de la Muerte
8. Andre The Gaint/Bam Bam Bigelow/Rambo vs El Canek/Los Villanos
I just previewed the disc, sadly there is a bit of pixelation and the ratio is off. Gonna be a tough watch, but I'll see what I can do.
UWA SÓLO CLÁSICOS VOL. 1
1. Ninja Sasuke/El Matematico Jr. Vs Rudy Reyna/Cassandro
We start out with young Great Sasuke teaming up with El Matematico Jr against what I believe is known as Los Exoticos, Rudy Reyna and Cassandro. Reyna and Cassandro work the gender bending gimmick perfectly, crowd pops big when Reyna kisses Matematico in the 2nd fall. I was a bit taken away by how comedic the crowd treats the gimmick, the flamboyant acts would have still been drawing good heat in the States at this time. Young Sasuke is really on in this match, hitting a 2nd rope moonsault and a few nice planchas. He works the trademark kicks in, ending with a particularly stiff spinning back kick to the chin of Cassandro. The finish was a bit too premeditated, but the 5 awkward seconds spent setting it up was about the only negative mark on the match. A very good match, actually a good bit better than I expected to start off with.
2. Los Espantos IV & V vs Las Estrellas Blancas Sr. & Jr.
Los Espantos y Las Estrellas wear identical tights and masks, making it way too tough tell who's who on either team. Villanos IV y V had it right with the numbered tights. Los Espantos were really impressive in this one. They are sons of Los Espantos III, from the original Espantos team of the 50s. One of the Espantos uses a fan's bell to do some work on one of the Estrellas, when the Estrella tries to retrieve the bell to retaliate the fan shoves it under his chair. Though rudos, the crowd is really into the Espantos. Two great back to back dives from both sides. Both dives took place directly to the left of a nice healthy lady, who appears to have an orgasm with each one. Chicks dig the topes. Los Espantos do enough innovative double team moves to send a ROH crowd into a frenzy. Another solid match.
3. Scorpio Sr & Jr vs Transformer / Celestial
Not quite as exciting as the first 2 matches. Transformer has some great entrance attire though.
4. Dr. Wagner Jr./Espanto Jr. vs Celestial / Coloso
Espanto Jr and Celestial start us off with some back and forth ground work. Espanto Jr has great facial expressions, something that tends to stand out when you watch lucha, with all the masks and what not. Espanto Jr was not a an actual family member of the original Espantos, but was given permission to use the name by Espanto II. Jr would later go on to be the original Pentagon, before a tragic near death experience ended his career in the mid 90s. Wagner Jr heels it up well. There's something about a great heel wearing all white that really seems to get to the crowd. Coloso launches Celestial high into the air and to the floor on Espanto for the biggest plancha thus far. Coloso follows it up with a decent little tope of his own. Coloso really didnt do much in the first 2 falls, but comes with some unexpected acrobatics in the 3rd. He's built like Mil Mascaras, but certainly moves a bit better. Wagner delivers the first low blow of the disc, and the rudo ref declares it a head butt to the abdomen. Coloso really sells the nut shot, and the heat piles onto Wagner. All 4 men really picked up the pace for the 3rd fall, with a few nice little spots that lead into the finish. This match is solid, this set is looking really promising.
5. The Killer/ Bull Pain / Zandokan vs Enrique Vera/Silver King / El Texano
Shit. Bull Pain? There really is some variety in this set. Someone stole a pink Macho Man jacket and is parading around the outside with the rudos. Zandokan is another guy who has great facial expressions. Zandokan takes a kick to the mid section from Vera, and sells the shit out of a nut shot. The rudo ref started to raise his hand, but the technico ref is having none of that jazz. Nothing too special here, but Zandokan is a fun rudo to watch, and its always nice to see Silver King and El Texano.
6. Fishman/ The Killer / Tigre Canadiense vs Gran Hamada/Silver King/Transformer
Young Hart Dungeon graduate Mike Lozansky is wrestling here as Tigre Canadiense, and he was also trained a bit by Bad News Allen. He's maskless, so this match is sometime shortly after October of 1991. Macho Man jacket man is back in the Rudo corner, with another fly jacket. Fishman definitely does not bang the Gran Hamada set, and he takes a cheap shot every chance he gets. He doesnt even have to be the legal man. If Hamada is slippin, Fishman is looking to get a shot in. Tigre comes out looking decent, with a nice little spot with Silver King. He then awkwardly climbs to the 2nd rope, and drops back into the weirdest looking elbow Ive ever seen. It wasnt the greatest match, but not bad.
7. Babe Face/Negro Casas/Dr. Wagner Jr vs El Hijo del Santo/Gran Hamada/El Solar I
This line up has potential. Wagner Jr and Solar set a great pace to start the match. Fast enough to catch your attention, but not so fast that they cant kick into a higher gear later on. Negro Casas really delivers as a rudo, his charisma is incredible. I got a good laugh when Wagner Jr completely no sold a Hamada submission break up attempt. He just keeps stretching Solar as the ref moves Hamada out of the ring, never turning his head to acknowledge that Hamada was there. When Wag wants to stretch someone, he's gonna stretch someone. Hamada probably shouldn't have tried it anyway, with only a few minutes left in the match Wagner Jr was working to a nice little hot tag from Solar to Hijo del Santo. The crowd eats up the finish. El Hijo del Santo finished Negro Casas off with a belly to belly suplex, hooking the head and leg for the pin. Santo holds on after the fall, wrenching Casas' neck and roughing him up a bit. I'll be looking forward to future encounters between the two. A bit shorter than I would have liked to see from the final match, but another good one.
Overall this was a fun watch. The final match delivered with the names, but match 4 is the stand out. The team of Dr Wagner Jr and Espanto Jr is great, I hope to see more from them in this set. Here's the matchlist for the next disc, we get our first taste of Bad News Allen in Mexico, as well as Bam Bam. This set also features what I believe is the last series of matches that Andre the Giant wrestled. Unfortunately, or fortunately, the match where he shits on Bad News doesn't appear to be on the set. I'm excited to see Negro Casas and Espanto Jr teaming up, two rudos with great skill and charisma.
UWA SÓLO CLASICOS VOL. 2
1. El Solar I/ El Celestial vs El Engendro/Kahoz
2. Negro Casas/El Espanto Jr vs Super Pinocho/El Halcon
3. Enrique Vera / El Psicodelico vs The Killer / American Eagle
4. Mil Mascaras/El Canek/Villano III vs Bad News Allen/Phill Lafon/Doug Furnas
5. El Texano/Silver King vs El Indomito/El Engendro
6. Enrique Vera / Dos Caras/ Villano III vs Gaint Warrior/Rambo/Bull Pain
7. Los Villanos vs Los Misinoneros de la Muerte
8. Andre The Gaint/Bam Bam Bigelow/Rambo vs El Canek/Los Villanos
I just previewed the disc, sadly there is a bit of pixelation and the ratio is off. Gonna be a tough watch, but I'll see what I can do.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Ludum Dare 16 is officially underway
HERE WE GO.
The theme for LD16 is:
EXPLORATION
My suggestion missed out the number one spot by 10 votes.
:(
Go ahead and toss some ideas around. It might help me out a bit. YA NEVA KNOW.
Here's what I'm eating right now:
MUY BUENO ROLL
And here's my LD activity stream:
ME AND STUFF
Follow along... or don't. I'm off to do some damn work, suckaz.
The theme for LD16 is:
EXPLORATION
My suggestion missed out the number one spot by 10 votes.
:(
Go ahead and toss some ideas around. It might help me out a bit. YA NEVA KNOW.
Here's what I'm eating right now:
MUY BUENO ROLL
And here's my LD activity stream:
ME AND STUFF
Follow along... or don't. I'm off to do some damn work, suckaz.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
ZOMG!!!(NOT THE WEBSITE!)
What is up d00ds?
I sit here today as, well I am drunk, an individual who is completely happy.
I don't plan to leave my home. I am really feeling it though. We started the party early here in partytown USA! aka Oxford, MS. Hard to believe that one of the top party places in the world is in Mississippi. Anyway, it's true. We started the morning off with a great assortment of screwdrivers, mimosas, and bloody mary's. I have since moved on to...Orange Batman. Yeah you read that right. I am basically living the high life.
I am anxiously awaiting this soup I have been cooking all day to finish. It's a lobster bisque. It's cold, it's soup weather. We're partying in souptown. I plan to throwdown with Bobby Flay later.
OH, I almost forgot. I am drinking my Orange Batman out of this:
Yeah remember these glasses? Well I still have that one. I drink dranks out of it.
I just want to plug some cool stuff quickly, mainly books since I haven't gone out to eat in awhile.
Sky Maul: Happy Crap You Can buy from a Plane
I got this book on blackfriday for 4 bucks. It made me laugh a lot yesterday. It's a lot of fictional shit, but it's also funny. I enjoyed the Bird Zapper the most. It's like a bug zapper you hang outside at night, but big enough for birds!
The Areas of My Expertise by John Hodgman
You may know him from the Mac commercials, but I met him on his book tour for this book at Thacker Mountain Radio. Instead of doing the typical reading, he and Jack Pendarvis(another writer who's also a funny guy), led the crowd in song for 15 minutes.
Finally I leave you with: Breece Pancake
This guy is probably my favorite writer of all time. That is his collected works, as he died at a young age. This guy would be bigger than Faulkner, McCarthy, Hemingway. All those dudes that are famous for this style of writing, had he just lived a little longer. Guy is greatness.
<3 WackyDeli
I sit here today as, well I am drunk, an individual who is completely happy.
I don't plan to leave my home. I am really feeling it though. We started the party early here in partytown USA! aka Oxford, MS. Hard to believe that one of the top party places in the world is in Mississippi. Anyway, it's true. We started the morning off with a great assortment of screwdrivers, mimosas, and bloody mary's. I have since moved on to...Orange Batman. Yeah you read that right. I am basically living the high life.
I am anxiously awaiting this soup I have been cooking all day to finish. It's a lobster bisque. It's cold, it's soup weather. We're partying in souptown. I plan to throwdown with Bobby Flay later.
OH, I almost forgot. I am drinking my Orange Batman out of this:
Yeah remember these glasses? Well I still have that one. I drink dranks out of it.
I just want to plug some cool stuff quickly, mainly books since I haven't gone out to eat in awhile.
Sky Maul: Happy Crap You Can buy from a Plane
I got this book on blackfriday for 4 bucks. It made me laugh a lot yesterday. It's a lot of fictional shit, but it's also funny. I enjoyed the Bird Zapper the most. It's like a bug zapper you hang outside at night, but big enough for birds!
The Areas of My Expertise by John Hodgman
You may know him from the Mac commercials, but I met him on his book tour for this book at Thacker Mountain Radio. Instead of doing the typical reading, he and Jack Pendarvis(another writer who's also a funny guy), led the crowd in song for 15 minutes.
Finally I leave you with: Breece Pancake
This guy is probably my favorite writer of all time. That is his collected works, as he died at a young age. This guy would be bigger than Faulkner, McCarthy, Hemingway. All those dudes that are famous for this style of writing, had he just lived a little longer. Guy is greatness.
<3 WackyDeli
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
THE LUDUM DARE COUNTDOWN CONTINUES
Only 2 days and 22 hours until Ludum Dare 16 begins!
So the first round of voting is over with. I don't understand this fucking voting system, but whatever. The second round is up, and the list is totally different than the first list. I don't remember there being this many categories, so I'm confused. I really don't get it. OH WELL.
As for the round 1 voting results... one of my suggestions placed first. That's rad.
Here are the top 10 themes for round 1.
1. Unwanted Powers
2. Adaptation
3. Betrayal as a gameplay mechanic
4. Shapeshifting
5. Invulnerability isnt all it's cracked up to be
6. By our powers combined...
7. Dreaming
8. You are an unstoppable death machine
9. Construction
10. Deception
and what landed at the number 11 spot?
MY OTHER SUGGESTION:
11. Turn-Based Eating
So out of 67 suggestions, my ideas placed 1st and 11th (thus far). That's cool. As for round 2, I'm so fucking confused. None of the ones from round 1 are in there, and I don't recognize any of the suggestions on the list. Where did this second list come from? And it sucks, too. It's not worth voting on. I can only hope that we end up with a theme that can actually be worked with.
The idea of a game where you are constantly granted UNWANTED POWERS is pretty cool, I think. For example, you're in a room with spikes on the ceiling and you suddenly get a SUPER JUMP powerup or you're given IRON BOOTS when you're trying to swim. Some kind of constant slot machine that hands out these powers at random that you may or may not want at any given time. Could be rad.
So the first round of voting is over with. I don't understand this fucking voting system, but whatever. The second round is up, and the list is totally different than the first list. I don't remember there being this many categories, so I'm confused. I really don't get it. OH WELL.
As for the round 1 voting results... one of my suggestions placed first. That's rad.
Here are the top 10 themes for round 1.
1. Unwanted Powers
2. Adaptation
3. Betrayal as a gameplay mechanic
4. Shapeshifting
5. Invulnerability isnt all it's cracked up to be
6. By our powers combined...
7. Dreaming
8. You are an unstoppable death machine
9. Construction
10. Deception
and what landed at the number 11 spot?
MY OTHER SUGGESTION:
11. Turn-Based Eating
So out of 67 suggestions, my ideas placed 1st and 11th (thus far). That's cool. As for round 2, I'm so fucking confused. None of the ones from round 1 are in there, and I don't recognize any of the suggestions on the list. Where did this second list come from? And it sucks, too. It's not worth voting on. I can only hope that we end up with a theme that can actually be worked with.
The idea of a game where you are constantly granted UNWANTED POWERS is pretty cool, I think. For example, you're in a room with spikes on the ceiling and you suddenly get a SUPER JUMP powerup or you're given IRON BOOTS when you're trying to swim. Some kind of constant slot machine that hands out these powers at random that you may or may not want at any given time. Could be rad.
Rasslin Sketchbook Page 1
I have a little square sketchbook, where all the pages are like little glossy pieces of posterboard. The first thing I decided to draw ended up being one of my favorites...
CHESSMAN
CHESSMAN
Monday, December 7, 2009
From the phone of Wackydeli
BK sucks man parts and talks about eating them like sloppy joes while
he listens to hinder and nickelback while jerking off to pics of
fishookcrossfacw he found online while convincing his mom that all
this was normal for a giant in the i.t. busieness and for someone who
thinks cougar town is comedy genius and everything abc has ever done
to be hand crafted by the likes of god.
he listens to hinder and nickelback while jerking off to pics of
fishookcrossfacw he found online while convincing his mom that all
this was normal for a giant in the i.t. busieness and for someone who
thinks cougar town is comedy genius and everything abc has ever done
to be hand crafted by the likes of god.
That is what some spirit told me to add to the bible earlier.
FESS UP
Rollcall time. If you read this blog, and aren't a contributor, please respond. Doing so will make Sonnybone look dumb and me look smart
Thank you
XOXOXO
Tromataker/Head Ninja
Thank you
XOXOXO
Tromataker/Head Ninja
MEMORANDUM
To all fat chicks. Putting on excessive eye liner does not make you look less fat.
-The Management
-The Management
Sunday, December 6, 2009
LUDUM DARE 16 COUNTDOWN
by SonnyBone
------------------
Yo Suckaz. The strike is lifted and robotic buttholes are back in style.
On top of that... we're about 4 days away from the start of LUDUM DARE 16, the 48 hour video game design contest. I want to win this SO VERY BADLY, but I know it'll be incredibly difficult. I will be maintaining a blog during the development process that I will link to here on KBN, so give me tons of support. And by that I mean I want you to cup my balls.
There have been a jillion theme ideas suggested over at the Ludum Dare site, and some of them would make hilariously awesome games. I'm gonna post the list for all to see, and when it comes time to vote, I'll see if I can post the link for everyone. I'm not incredibly sure if ANYONE can vote, though. Either way, post a comment with your top 3 choices.
----------
3D Glasses
8 Eyes
A day in the life of…
Abstract
Adaptation
Adjectives
Aliens
Alexander the Great
All Humans are dead
All Natural
Angular Momentum
Antonyms
Apocalypse
Armada
Arms Race
Ascension
Autobiography
Bad luck
Baked Goods as Characters
Baked Goods as Weapons
Balance
Beards, Moustaches and crazy facial hair
Betrayal as a gameplay mechanic
Birds
Black Holes
Board Games
Bugs
By our powers combined…
Castles
Cat and Mouse
Claymation * A day in the life of…
Climate Change
Clouds
Coincidence
Cold or Frozen
Collective Action
Coloring
Combined Arms
Competition
Contrast
Construction
Crab people
Create or alter the laws of Physics
Cruel World
Crustaceans vs Cetaceans
Cyber warfare
Curses
Cute fluffy animals
Death
Deception
Delegation
Distribution of knowledge
Disjoint
Doors
Dreaming
Dynamic Changing Characters
Dwarves
Eating
Electricity
End of the World
Enemies of the Mind
Epic
Everyone is a Friend
Evolution
Existentialism
Fighting
Flags
The Fleet
Flying Pigs
Food
Friends Forever! Never apart!
Futility
Gel Substances (I.E.: Modelling stuff with gels (Like, a 3D Spring, as the math goes - Spring/string is 1D, cloth 2D, Gel 3D)
Ghosts
Gliding
Gravity
Greek Mythology
Hercules
History
History Rewritten
Holes
Horror
Hyperspace
Illusions
Influence
Intensity
Intentionally broken
Inversion
Invulnerability isn't all it's cracked up to be
Irreplaceable
Isolation
Jailbreak
Jargon
Gelatin
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here, this is the war room!
Kittens
Knowledge
Late partygoers
Letting go
Limbs like these are hard to use
Loss
Magnetism
Maze/Labryinth
Mechanics and Gears
Melancholy
Mirrors
Morocco
Monocles
Moustaches
Music
Narrative
Naked men
Negative Space
No Gravity, no Friction
Non-Newtonian Physics
Opposites
Organisation
Paints and Brushes
Parallel
Peak Oil
Perpetual Motion
Photography
Portals
Power Outage Calamity
Planets
Player-generated story
Poetry
Pop
Power Outage
Prehistoric madness
Preparation
Programming things in one way or another
Psychedelic
Psychology
Pussy
Pyrrhic Victory
Rabbits
Rain
Regression
Reptiles
Role Reversal
Roman Mythology
Romance
Science Fiction
Shakespeare
Shapeshifting
Shoes
Snakes on a plane
Sneaking
Snow
Spacemarine
Spaceships
Spaceship Earth
Spiders
Sports which could never exist
Stone Age
Submarines
Surrealism
Sympathetic Antagonist
Swine Flu
Tentacles
The [fill in blank]est Hero Ever!
The Speed of Light
Time
Timewarp ← Is RHPS cross-dressing encouraged?
Top hats
Towlr
Turn-Based Eating
Trading
Translucency
Treasure Hunt
Twilight fandom (a first person squee-er?)
UFO
Unnameable
Unwanted Powers
Unwinnable War
Vector Field Flows
Vector Flow Fields
Vicarious interaction through another player
Video / Webcam
Vikings
Volcanoes
Warped
Water
Whodunnit
Wild animals
Winnable War
Winter
World's worst superhero
Worms
Wormholes
Yin and Yang
You are a cat
You are an unstoppable death machine
Zombies
Zoophobia
------------------
Yo Suckaz. The strike is lifted and robotic buttholes are back in style.
On top of that... we're about 4 days away from the start of LUDUM DARE 16, the 48 hour video game design contest. I want to win this SO VERY BADLY, but I know it'll be incredibly difficult. I will be maintaining a blog during the development process that I will link to here on KBN, so give me tons of support. And by that I mean I want you to cup my balls.
There have been a jillion theme ideas suggested over at the Ludum Dare site, and some of them would make hilariously awesome games. I'm gonna post the list for all to see, and when it comes time to vote, I'll see if I can post the link for everyone. I'm not incredibly sure if ANYONE can vote, though. Either way, post a comment with your top 3 choices.
----------
3D Glasses
8 Eyes
A day in the life of…
Abstract
Adaptation
Adjectives
Aliens
Alexander the Great
All Humans are dead
All Natural
Angular Momentum
Antonyms
Apocalypse
Armada
Arms Race
Ascension
Autobiography
Bad luck
Baked Goods as Characters
Baked Goods as Weapons
Balance
Beards, Moustaches and crazy facial hair
Betrayal as a gameplay mechanic
Birds
Black Holes
Board Games
Bugs
By our powers combined…
Castles
Cat and Mouse
Claymation * A day in the life of…
Climate Change
Clouds
Coincidence
Cold or Frozen
Collective Action
Coloring
Combined Arms
Competition
Contrast
Construction
Crab people
Create or alter the laws of Physics
Cruel World
Crustaceans vs Cetaceans
Cyber warfare
Curses
Cute fluffy animals
Death
Deception
Delegation
Distribution of knowledge
Disjoint
Doors
Dreaming
Dynamic Changing Characters
Dwarves
Eating
Electricity
End of the World
Enemies of the Mind
Epic
Everyone is a Friend
Evolution
Existentialism
Fighting
Flags
The Fleet
Flying Pigs
Food
Friends Forever! Never apart!
Futility
Gel Substances (I.E.: Modelling stuff with gels (Like, a 3D Spring, as the math goes - Spring/string is 1D, cloth 2D, Gel 3D)
Ghosts
Gliding
Gravity
Greek Mythology
Hercules
History
History Rewritten
Holes
Horror
Hyperspace
Illusions
Influence
Intensity
Intentionally broken
Inversion
Invulnerability isn't all it's cracked up to be
Irreplaceable
Isolation
Jailbreak
Jargon
Gelatin
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here, this is the war room!
Kittens
Knowledge
Late partygoers
Letting go
Limbs like these are hard to use
Loss
Magnetism
Maze/Labryinth
Mechanics and Gears
Melancholy
Mirrors
Morocco
Monocles
Moustaches
Music
Narrative
Naked men
Negative Space
No Gravity, no Friction
Non-Newtonian Physics
Opposites
Organisation
Paints and Brushes
Parallel
Peak Oil
Perpetual Motion
Photography
Portals
Power Outage Calamity
Planets
Player-generated story
Poetry
Pop
Power Outage
Prehistoric madness
Preparation
Programming things in one way or another
Psychedelic
Psychology
Pussy
Pyrrhic Victory
Rabbits
Rain
Regression
Reptiles
Role Reversal
Roman Mythology
Romance
Science Fiction
Shakespeare
Shapeshifting
Shoes
Snakes on a plane
Sneaking
Snow
Spacemarine
Spaceships
Spaceship Earth
Spiders
Sports which could never exist
Stone Age
Submarines
Surrealism
Sympathetic Antagonist
Swine Flu
Tentacles
The [fill in blank]est Hero Ever!
The Speed of Light
Time
Timewarp ← Is RHPS cross-dressing encouraged?
Top hats
Towlr
Turn-Based Eating
Trading
Translucency
Treasure Hunt
Twilight fandom (a first person squee-er?)
UFO
Unnameable
Unwanted Powers
Unwinnable War
Vector Field Flows
Vector Flow Fields
Vicarious interaction through another player
Video / Webcam
Vikings
Volcanoes
Warped
Water
Whodunnit
Wild animals
Winnable War
Winter
World's worst superhero
Worms
Wormholes
Yin and Yang
You are a cat
You are an unstoppable death machine
Zombies
Zoophobia
Precious
Since Troma posted about a depressing movie, I'll post about a movie that had the opposite effect on me.
Precious.
The movie about an overweight black girl having her 2nd child, and reading at a 1st graders level. A girl writing at the phonetic stage of writing. Oh and she's only 15 or 16.
I won't spoil, cause that's how I roll, so it's hard to tell a lot. I will tell you how I felt watching this movie.
Angered
That's the only word that comes to mind. I actually shed some tears, because I was so fucking pissed off watching this movie. It's not because of how the story was, not in the sense that GOD THIS MOVIE SUCKS! It was the way that the actors genuinely made me hate them. I felt terrible for this girl. Had Monique, who played Precious' mother, been standing outside the theater I saw this in. I would have beat the life out of her.
The acting is AMAZING in this movie, and if you haven't seen it. Please do so for the acting alone.
Precious.
The movie about an overweight black girl having her 2nd child, and reading at a 1st graders level. A girl writing at the phonetic stage of writing. Oh and she's only 15 or 16.
I won't spoil, cause that's how I roll, so it's hard to tell a lot. I will tell you how I felt watching this movie.
Angered
That's the only word that comes to mind. I actually shed some tears, because I was so fucking pissed off watching this movie. It's not because of how the story was, not in the sense that GOD THIS MOVIE SUCKS! It was the way that the actors genuinely made me hate them. I felt terrible for this girl. Had Monique, who played Precious' mother, been standing outside the theater I saw this in. I would have beat the life out of her.
The acting is AMAZING in this movie, and if you haven't seen it. Please do so for the acting alone.
Getting your cry on
Man, nothing sucks more than a depressing movie.
Let me tell you something brothers, and I mean this as in brothers in general and not like hydrocloud but he's included in both kinds of brothers I guess...what was I saying?
Yeah man, I go to movies to be entertained. I don't get entertained by getting depressed.
I KNOW there's a fucking market for this though. Nicholas Sparks is a best-selling author! You know how I was a former bookstore ninja, and man, my buddy Eric used to say his wife loved that stuff, and when he'd find the books for someone, he'd tell them "Yeah, my wife loves this one. It's good to get your cry on."
Okay so I know this site is a big sausage fest as far as writers go and most of the writers are the readers but do any of you motherfuckers actually get entertained by depressing shit?
I'm posting this because I just saw Brothers.
I'll post a video review in a minute, too.
Let me tell you something brothers, and I mean this as in brothers in general and not like hydrocloud but he's included in both kinds of brothers I guess...what was I saying?
Yeah man, I go to movies to be entertained. I don't get entertained by getting depressed.
I KNOW there's a fucking market for this though. Nicholas Sparks is a best-selling author! You know how I was a former bookstore ninja, and man, my buddy Eric used to say his wife loved that stuff, and when he'd find the books for someone, he'd tell them "Yeah, my wife loves this one. It's good to get your cry on."
Okay so I know this site is a big sausage fest as far as writers go and most of the writers are the readers but do any of you motherfuckers actually get entertained by depressing shit?
I'm posting this because I just saw Brothers.
I'll post a video review in a minute, too.
the best two days of my life...forreal..dont laugh...ANNND TRANSYLMANIA REVIEW!
so i met this girl, awesome girl, plays video games, likes wrestling, has a bunch of holes in her face etc, ideal girl for me.anyways we met and talked, hit it off crazy good, hung out all day Friday, and Saturday. i get home and she's all like ' i need some time, etc' fuckin cop out. i'm salty as hell. oh well, moral of the story is boys, like my ENGLISH teacher said DON'T TAKE NOTHIN' FOR FACE VALUE.
Guess its back to the chickenheads...get in where you fit in i guess.
On to the movie review, i went to see this shit last night, with ol girl i mentioned above, we made out for the majority of the movie, the plot it mad stupid, some kids in college get involved in an exchange program with a tranny (short for trannsylvania, not like FM) college and there's a music box with someones soul etc, blah balah, one funny moment in the movie is when they ask this dude 'what happened ton you last night, did you GET FUCKED WITH A TOBAGGIN?' that shit had me weak. it was us and like foul little 9 year old black kids there. the movie was wack, the night was wack, i shoulda just stayed home and got high. and yes I'm bitter. I'm going to see Ninja Assassin, sans bitch, homies over hoes, there ya go, two references from THE BOONDOCKS to close this one out...
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
TheDenizen reviews Ninja Assassin
Well, holy crap.
I just got home from Ninja Assassin, and as I sit down to write this review I am consciously trying to keep the hyperbole in check...but fuck that noise, son, Ninja Assassin ROCKED and is quite possibly the best ninja movie ever. I've watched a lot of ninja flicks over the past couple of weeks in anticpiation of this one, so let's run down the standard checklist:
Ninja that melt effortlessly into the shadows? Check.
Insane ninja vs ninja battles? Check.
A modern day police force bleating on about "Ninjas in this day and age? Preposterous!" Check.
Multiple shuriken flurries? Check.
Brutal training sequences? Check.
Cheesy, over the top killings? CHECK.
If you don't like graphic beheadings and flying limbs and splashy buckets of bright red blood, stay far away from Ninja Assassin. Yes, the story is kinda trite, some of the dialog stinks and the acting is nothing special...but it's a goddamn ninja movie, not Shakespeare. A ninja movie only needs enough story to hang its fight scenes on, and Ninja Assassin succeeds at this in spades.
The fight scenes themselves are wonderful. Vicious, frantic, and gory as hell. I've read several reviews complaining of choppy choreography, rapid-fire editing and poor lighting during the action scenes. Those reviewers are retards. Listen: the days of classically trained martial arts actors performing long, uninterrupted takes of fighting are pretty much gone. Tony Jaa, Donnie Yen and a handful of indy film guys are all that's left of that tradition. The rapid cutting is here to stay, but Ninja Assassin does it very well. The movements are well choreographed and the action is relatively easy to follow. If you want to see examples of poorly edited fights where you can't tell what the fuck is going on, rent Batman Begins or the latest Bourne atrocity.
The fights in Ninja Assassin are very busy visually, with lots (and lots) of CGI blood and weapons and fire filling every frame, but you can always tell who is who and where they are in relation to each other. The actions performed before and after each edit actually match up to form a coherent looking move (Batman Begins utterly failed at this). Korean pop idol Rain trained like a mofo for the action scenes in this flick and it shows...he is ripped and totally believable as an action star. And yes, some of the fight scenes are shot in darkened rooms, but it's just to show off how badass the ninja look slipping in and out of shadows. It's pretty badass.
In short, peoples critiques of this movie are stupid. It's an incredibly over the top dopey ninja film with extreme violence and gore. It rules. Go see it.
I just got home from Ninja Assassin, and as I sit down to write this review I am consciously trying to keep the hyperbole in check...but fuck that noise, son, Ninja Assassin ROCKED and is quite possibly the best ninja movie ever. I've watched a lot of ninja flicks over the past couple of weeks in anticpiation of this one, so let's run down the standard checklist:
Ninja that melt effortlessly into the shadows? Check.
Insane ninja vs ninja battles? Check.
A modern day police force bleating on about "Ninjas in this day and age? Preposterous!" Check.
Multiple shuriken flurries? Check.
Brutal training sequences? Check.
Cheesy, over the top killings? CHECK.
If you don't like graphic beheadings and flying limbs and splashy buckets of bright red blood, stay far away from Ninja Assassin. Yes, the story is kinda trite, some of the dialog stinks and the acting is nothing special...but it's a goddamn ninja movie, not Shakespeare. A ninja movie only needs enough story to hang its fight scenes on, and Ninja Assassin succeeds at this in spades.
The fight scenes themselves are wonderful. Vicious, frantic, and gory as hell. I've read several reviews complaining of choppy choreography, rapid-fire editing and poor lighting during the action scenes. Those reviewers are retards. Listen: the days of classically trained martial arts actors performing long, uninterrupted takes of fighting are pretty much gone. Tony Jaa, Donnie Yen and a handful of indy film guys are all that's left of that tradition. The rapid cutting is here to stay, but Ninja Assassin does it very well. The movements are well choreographed and the action is relatively easy to follow. If you want to see examples of poorly edited fights where you can't tell what the fuck is going on, rent Batman Begins or the latest Bourne atrocity.
The fights in Ninja Assassin are very busy visually, with lots (and lots) of CGI blood and weapons and fire filling every frame, but you can always tell who is who and where they are in relation to each other. The actions performed before and after each edit actually match up to form a coherent looking move (Batman Begins utterly failed at this). Korean pop idol Rain trained like a mofo for the action scenes in this flick and it shows...he is ripped and totally believable as an action star. And yes, some of the fight scenes are shot in darkened rooms, but it's just to show off how badass the ninja look slipping in and out of shadows. It's pretty badass.
In short, peoples critiques of this movie are stupid. It's an incredibly over the top dopey ninja film with extreme violence and gore. It rules. Go see it.
A Letter to Me in the past
Dear 13 Year Old Me,
Hey fool, what's up? I'm you 14 years into your future. I'm here to drop some knowledge on you based on the experiences in my past and your future. First of all, don't try and lose your virginity to Tina Mott. I just saw a picture of her recently and let me tell you something brother, BULLET DODGED. Also when you're hanging out with Becky Coliz, go for more than some over the shirt boob action, because she is down. I assure you of this.
Now on to the next item of the agenda. You know those comic books you've been collecting with the chromium foil covers and shit, they're worthless. Sell this shit immediately because it's seriously never going to increase in value. In fact, I've repurchased some of them for fifty cents recently. So sell now while there are still morons buying them for high prices because they think they will be worth more money in the future.
And finally, stop wearing that fucking green shirt, you look really really faggy in it.`
Sincerely, You 14 years in the Future
Hey fool, what's up? I'm you 14 years into your future. I'm here to drop some knowledge on you based on the experiences in my past and your future. First of all, don't try and lose your virginity to Tina Mott. I just saw a picture of her recently and let me tell you something brother, BULLET DODGED. Also when you're hanging out with Becky Coliz, go for more than some over the shirt boob action, because she is down. I assure you of this.
Now on to the next item of the agenda. You know those comic books you've been collecting with the chromium foil covers and shit, they're worthless. Sell this shit immediately because it's seriously never going to increase in value. In fact, I've repurchased some of them for fifty cents recently. So sell now while there are still morons buying them for high prices because they think they will be worth more money in the future.
And finally, stop wearing that fucking green shirt, you look really really faggy in it.`
Sincerely, You 14 years in the Future
Chinese-buffet feat. Hibachi grill.mp3
Sent from my BlackBerry device from Cincinnati Bell Wireless
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
TheDenizen talks Ninja Part II
Alright punks, TheDenizen is back with more movie reviews.
I mentioned in my first blog that I like violence, and I really, really do. To me, violence is one of the few bright beacons of joy in an existence completely saturated with stupid people doing stupid things. I hate people in general, and that tends to go hand in hand with enjoying seeing extreme violence inflicted upon them.
It's for this reason that I still haven't seen Ninja Assassin: there's nothing worse than sitting in a movie theater crowded with idiots, so I have a cardinal rule about NOT seeing movies in the theater until they've been out for at least a week. The crowds thin out significantly by then and I can choke down my murderous rage for longer. I made an exception to this rule ONCE in the last 10 years for LOTR: The Two Towers and it was 3.5 hours of torture, as I spent the entire film's running time stifling the urge to savagely donkey punch the retarded chatty fucks filling the row in front of me.
Anyways, I'm finally seeing Ninja Assassin tomorrow most likely (and will post my thoughts to compare/contrast with the HeadNinja), but I've spent a bit of time over the last few days revisting more old school ninja *ahem* "classics" to put me in the mood. Let's get to it.
Ninja Terminator - Godfrey Ho is like the king of the shitty 80's ninja film, and this is one of his finest hours. He takes a bunch of footage from an old 70's triad movie, shoots a bit of new ninja footage, and then splices it all together in the hopes it somehow makes sense using voice overs. It doesn't (he also blatantly rips off music from Star Wars and Clockwork Orange). This flick concerns a band of three ninja who betray their clan and steal the three part Golden Ninja statue, which gives the possessor physical immunity. The rest of the movie is just various ninja/triad groups fighting and trying to steal the pieces back.
Richard Harrison looks ridiculously out of place as a middle aged white ninja named Harry, who delivers orders to his underlings via his Garfield phone and sports more eyeliner than BigKaboom at a Smiths concert. The evil Ninja Empire issues death threats by sending little tiny robots to deliver menacing VHS tapes to their victims - seriously, they look like Transformers toys. There's a totally pointless G-rated sex scene between two minor characters, scored with "Echoes" by Pink Floyd.
Lots of cool ninja stuff with smoke bombs, shuriken, caltraps, etc at the beginning and end, but most of the middle is taken up by the kung fu fighting of the older triad picture. Thankfully those fights are plentiful and actually quite well choreographed and filmed. Jaguar Wong is a badass dude who smirks constantly while beating the shit out of everyone, and the main villain is played by Korean superkicker Hwang Jang Lee. Lee played Silver Fox in the Secret Rivals films, but for some reason he wears a preposterous blonde ladies wig and a white dress suit for 90% of this movie. I'm sure it made sense to Godfrey.
Life of Ninja - I had great hopes for this movie: a kung fu/ninja flick starring Chen Kwan Tai and Yasuaki Kurata? Can you say "massive fucking potential"? It starts off with a bunch of ninja in a cave going through rigorous training exercises - nice. Then about 30 seconds later any notion of this being a serious movie are tossed gleefully out the window as the focus changes to female ninja and their training methods. This includes a mud wrestling match to the death that plays over most of the opening credits, and repeated half naked dipping into an icy pool. Thankfully after that, the weak exploitation stuff falls to the wayside and unadulterated asskicking takes over.
The plot concerns a total prick of a Hong Kong businessman who is being targeted by Ninja for assassination, and the Chinese kendo instructor (Chen Kwan Tai) he hires to protect him. Lots of cheese on display here, like when a female ninja hypnotizes another girl with bright blue orbs that shoot from her eyes, or when a guy gets attacked with a machete in the shower and responds by spraying his attacker with the shower head. There's also plenty of brutal fighting in the flick, including an insane beatdown when Tai takes on about 15 ninja single-handed, using only a pair of tonfa. HELL YEAH. Of course the final battle between Tai and Kurata is incredible, although for some reason, they filmed about 1/3 of it in the pitch black, and you can't see a thing. When the lights are on though, the two veteran screen fighters put on a clinic, with Kurata even busting out some lightning fast monkey style at the end. Me likey.
Ninja 3: The Domination - This flick starts out really promising with a ninja slaughtering about 30 people at a golf course, including a bunch of cops, before being cornered and gunned down. The ninja sees a girl before he dies and magically transmits his spirit into her, and the next 45 minutes of the movie is the girl and her cop boyfriend trying to figure out why she's suddenly got an interest in Japanese swords and keeps blacking out. There's all kinds of stupid Poltergiest/Exorcist crap in there to pad the running time, plus Sho Kosugi standing around looking tough in an eye-patch. Finally around the hour mark, we get another police massacre at a graveyard before Sho goes into action...first fighting the girl to force the ninja spirit back into it's own body in a blur of cheap effects, and then kicking his ass.
All around, a pretty shit movie with way too much melodrama and not nearly enough ninja antics. It wasn't even goofy enough to laugh at, except for the clothes people are wearing in the gym club scene. Lucinda Dickey plays the main chick, and she's kinda cute, like a mix of a young Geena Davis and Linda Hamilton, but she never gets her cans out, and she falls for this dweeby little guy with a furry back and shoulders. Weak. At least lots of people get killed.
And there you have it. My bloodlust is whetted. My shuriken sharpened. I've got my ninja headband. Ninja Assassin here I come.
I mentioned in my first blog that I like violence, and I really, really do. To me, violence is one of the few bright beacons of joy in an existence completely saturated with stupid people doing stupid things. I hate people in general, and that tends to go hand in hand with enjoying seeing extreme violence inflicted upon them.
It's for this reason that I still haven't seen Ninja Assassin: there's nothing worse than sitting in a movie theater crowded with idiots, so I have a cardinal rule about NOT seeing movies in the theater until they've been out for at least a week. The crowds thin out significantly by then and I can choke down my murderous rage for longer. I made an exception to this rule ONCE in the last 10 years for LOTR: The Two Towers and it was 3.5 hours of torture, as I spent the entire film's running time stifling the urge to savagely donkey punch the retarded chatty fucks filling the row in front of me.
Anyways, I'm finally seeing Ninja Assassin tomorrow most likely (and will post my thoughts to compare/contrast with the HeadNinja), but I've spent a bit of time over the last few days revisting more old school ninja *ahem* "classics" to put me in the mood. Let's get to it.
Ninja Terminator - Godfrey Ho is like the king of the shitty 80's ninja film, and this is one of his finest hours. He takes a bunch of footage from an old 70's triad movie, shoots a bit of new ninja footage, and then splices it all together in the hopes it somehow makes sense using voice overs. It doesn't (he also blatantly rips off music from Star Wars and Clockwork Orange). This flick concerns a band of three ninja who betray their clan and steal the three part Golden Ninja statue, which gives the possessor physical immunity. The rest of the movie is just various ninja/triad groups fighting and trying to steal the pieces back.
Richard Harrison looks ridiculously out of place as a middle aged white ninja named Harry, who delivers orders to his underlings via his Garfield phone and sports more eyeliner than BigKaboom at a Smiths concert. The evil Ninja Empire issues death threats by sending little tiny robots to deliver menacing VHS tapes to their victims - seriously, they look like Transformers toys. There's a totally pointless G-rated sex scene between two minor characters, scored with "Echoes" by Pink Floyd.
Lots of cool ninja stuff with smoke bombs, shuriken, caltraps, etc at the beginning and end, but most of the middle is taken up by the kung fu fighting of the older triad picture. Thankfully those fights are plentiful and actually quite well choreographed and filmed. Jaguar Wong is a badass dude who smirks constantly while beating the shit out of everyone, and the main villain is played by Korean superkicker Hwang Jang Lee. Lee played Silver Fox in the Secret Rivals films, but for some reason he wears a preposterous blonde ladies wig and a white dress suit for 90% of this movie. I'm sure it made sense to Godfrey.
Life of Ninja - I had great hopes for this movie: a kung fu/ninja flick starring Chen Kwan Tai and Yasuaki Kurata? Can you say "massive fucking potential"? It starts off with a bunch of ninja in a cave going through rigorous training exercises - nice. Then about 30 seconds later any notion of this being a serious movie are tossed gleefully out the window as the focus changes to female ninja and their training methods. This includes a mud wrestling match to the death that plays over most of the opening credits, and repeated half naked dipping into an icy pool. Thankfully after that, the weak exploitation stuff falls to the wayside and unadulterated asskicking takes over.
The plot concerns a total prick of a Hong Kong businessman who is being targeted by Ninja for assassination, and the Chinese kendo instructor (Chen Kwan Tai) he hires to protect him. Lots of cheese on display here, like when a female ninja hypnotizes another girl with bright blue orbs that shoot from her eyes, or when a guy gets attacked with a machete in the shower and responds by spraying his attacker with the shower head. There's also plenty of brutal fighting in the flick, including an insane beatdown when Tai takes on about 15 ninja single-handed, using only a pair of tonfa. HELL YEAH. Of course the final battle between Tai and Kurata is incredible, although for some reason, they filmed about 1/3 of it in the pitch black, and you can't see a thing. When the lights are on though, the two veteran screen fighters put on a clinic, with Kurata even busting out some lightning fast monkey style at the end. Me likey.
Ninja 3: The Domination - This flick starts out really promising with a ninja slaughtering about 30 people at a golf course, including a bunch of cops, before being cornered and gunned down. The ninja sees a girl before he dies and magically transmits his spirit into her, and the next 45 minutes of the movie is the girl and her cop boyfriend trying to figure out why she's suddenly got an interest in Japanese swords and keeps blacking out. There's all kinds of stupid Poltergiest/Exorcist crap in there to pad the running time, plus Sho Kosugi standing around looking tough in an eye-patch. Finally around the hour mark, we get another police massacre at a graveyard before Sho goes into action...first fighting the girl to force the ninja spirit back into it's own body in a blur of cheap effects, and then kicking his ass.
All around, a pretty shit movie with way too much melodrama and not nearly enough ninja antics. It wasn't even goofy enough to laugh at, except for the clothes people are wearing in the gym club scene. Lucinda Dickey plays the main chick, and she's kinda cute, like a mix of a young Geena Davis and Linda Hamilton, but she never gets her cans out, and she falls for this dweeby little guy with a furry back and shoulders. Weak. At least lots of people get killed.
And there you have it. My bloodlust is whetted. My shuriken sharpened. I've got my ninja headband. Ninja Assassin here I come.
Snaptu review for blackberry curve 83xx
Shit. I'm'll come clean. I'm a cellphone junkie. I go through about five a year. As of recent I got myself a twitter account and I started following a friend of mine. Long story short he sends me a link to a site to download snaptu, what's snaptu? Well it is a sweet ass app for your cellphone/device I can hold down my facebook,twitter and all of my blogs, it also has a bunch of other stuff, but I don't use that.so if you have a blackberry or any other sort of 'smartphone' go to m.snaptu.com and get to downloadin!
4.5 out of 5
Twitter.com/smashatomz
Sent from my BlackBerry device from Cincinnati Bell Wireless
4.5 out of 5
Twitter.com/smashatomz
Sent from my BlackBerry device from Cincinnati Bell Wireless
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Ninja Assassin Video Review
As promised, here's the video review for Ninja Assassin. Hopefully it gets on, I mean MY NAME ON THERE IS KIDNAPPED BY NINJAS LIKE THIS BLOG. THAT'S FUCKING INSTANT CREDIBILITY, SON.
November Projects and School
So a lot of you have gone to University/College whatever, some form of higher learning. You guys will understand that November, and its counterpart April, SUCK. Not just like, oh man that sucks. No like full on cock in mouth, suck rape.
This is it for me. My final November projects are coming to a close. I finished my last paper two weeks ago. I even made a big deal about it, had a party and everything. I was stoked, and now I am doing crap that isn't writing and I can't get into it. I do teach kids three days a week, kind of weird situation but I do it. I am going to be a full time teacher after Christmas. I am becoming an adult at a time in my life where I don't want to be. I am okay with all of that, but it doesn't make November any less shitty.
Why does every fucking professor decide that November is a great time for you to turn shit in. Just once I would like a professor to be like, Hey guys you know what, HALF OF YOUR GRADE IS DUE THE SECOND WEEK OF CLASSES! You get it over with. You're done, no more worrying. No I am sitting around the past couple of days putting together interventions for kids. Interventions that help kids read better to be specific. It's not hard, just tedious. When I finish the last one, I don't know what will happen. My academic career will basically be finished.
I still hate you November, and making every thing due at the same time. This post is for November. How much of an asshole the month is, and I'm already tired of writing about wrestlers. So I will not contribute to that anymore, not even to tell my funny house show stories. I will continue to post about food and southern culture, and any insane crap my 2nd graders do.
Wackydeli.
This is it for me. My final November projects are coming to a close. I finished my last paper two weeks ago. I even made a big deal about it, had a party and everything. I was stoked, and now I am doing crap that isn't writing and I can't get into it. I do teach kids three days a week, kind of weird situation but I do it. I am going to be a full time teacher after Christmas. I am becoming an adult at a time in my life where I don't want to be. I am okay with all of that, but it doesn't make November any less shitty.
Why does every fucking professor decide that November is a great time for you to turn shit in. Just once I would like a professor to be like, Hey guys you know what, HALF OF YOUR GRADE IS DUE THE SECOND WEEK OF CLASSES! You get it over with. You're done, no more worrying. No I am sitting around the past couple of days putting together interventions for kids. Interventions that help kids read better to be specific. It's not hard, just tedious. When I finish the last one, I don't know what will happen. My academic career will basically be finished.
I still hate you November, and making every thing due at the same time. This post is for November. How much of an asshole the month is, and I'm already tired of writing about wrestlers. So I will not contribute to that anymore, not even to tell my funny house show stories. I will continue to post about food and southern culture, and any insane crap my 2nd graders do.
Wackydeli.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
The Top 1 Billion Wrestlers Ever (in no paticular order)
Whats good my ninjas! It is I, CaesaroKing, bringin you some royalty in your life...Speaking of royalty, I am here to talk about one man that lives and breathes royalty...A man that really don't need no introduction.... I am talking about....
William Regal...
He is one of , in my opinion, underrated wrestlers today. He can be technical with the best or he can down right get hardcore with your ass. In his career he held many titles such as the IC Title(2 times), multi-tag champ inWWE, WCW TV Champion(4 times) and lets not forget that he is a honorary memeber of the Kiss My Ass club. He even trained some of the stars of today such as Chris Hero, Samoa Joe, CM Punk, Bryan Danielson, and Brian Kendrick.
Now to prove to you why this man should be in this list...Think back to William Regal vs Lance Storm on Monday Night Raw...When this match began, I thought it was just another filler until after Lance Storm hit a perfectly executed dropkick..Well se for ya self...
Just brutality at its finest. Now Storm said that the match wasn't stiff, but it sure did look like it to me. I hope to see in the near future before Regal hangs up the brass knucks, that he wins another title. Regal even said a quote that made me chuckle was back in WCW when he said to an interviewer "Do you know what my New Year's resolution is going to be? To wake up a half an hour earlier so I can hate you more." Just plain awesome.
William Regal...
He is one of , in my opinion, underrated wrestlers today. He can be technical with the best or he can down right get hardcore with your ass. In his career he held many titles such as the IC Title(2 times), multi-tag champ inWWE, WCW TV Champion(4 times) and lets not forget that he is a honorary memeber of the Kiss My Ass club. He even trained some of the stars of today such as Chris Hero, Samoa Joe, CM Punk, Bryan Danielson, and Brian Kendrick.
Now to prove to you why this man should be in this list...Think back to William Regal vs Lance Storm on Monday Night Raw...When this match began, I thought it was just another filler until after Lance Storm hit a perfectly executed dropkick..Well se for ya self...
Just brutality at its finest. Now Storm said that the match wasn't stiff, but it sure did look like it to me. I hope to see in the near future before Regal hangs up the brass knucks, that he wins another title. Regal even said a quote that made me chuckle was back in WCW when he said to an interviewer "Do you know what my New Year's resolution is going to be? To wake up a half an hour earlier so I can hate you more." Just plain awesome.
The Top 1 Billion Wrestlers Ever (in no particular order)
You know something, Japanese TV is pretty lenient with what they let on the air. Violence and nudity can be pretty common on anything from anime to television gameshows.
But man, Japanese Wrestling TV isn't like that, right? I mean, shit. We had future listmakers Abdullah the Butcher carving up Terry Funk on national TV and getting huge ratings for All Japan.
Well, I would like to introduce you to someone. A rocker, a wrestler, and someone who is TOO HOT FOR JAPANESE TV. Let me introduce you to...
The Crazy SKB
Hardcore is a label thrown around far too easily in professional wrestling, but the Crazy SKB is the lead singer for a Hardcore band called QP Crazy, and wrestles a hardcore style for the 666 promotion, so HE'S DOUBLE HARDCORE.
Yeah, 666 is that promotion with the little girl that chokeslams people. The reason you've been able to see those clips online is because they were aired on Samurai TV's show Occupation of the Indies, an awesome magazine-styled showcase of smaller professional wrestling groups from all over Japan.
But you see, The Crazy SKB kind of broke the show. He has a unique style that involves him doing such things as putting on a coat made of firecrackers, lighting them, and jumping on a dude. Apparently, this is taboo in Japan or something, because whenever he does something cool in one of his matches, Occupation of the Indies CUTS TO STATIC. You hear all these little explosions and you're like OH SHIT DUDE and they don't show anything.
But hey, I wouldn't be your buddy if I wouldn't hook you up with some uncensored Crazy SKB action, so check some of this shit out.
Here he is wrestling Saddam, Osama, and Bush, teaming with HARASHIMA and Jun Kasai He's the guy with the white facepaint and the explosives.
But man, Japanese Wrestling TV isn't like that, right? I mean, shit. We had future listmakers Abdullah the Butcher carving up Terry Funk on national TV and getting huge ratings for All Japan.
Well, I would like to introduce you to someone. A rocker, a wrestler, and someone who is TOO HOT FOR JAPANESE TV. Let me introduce you to...
The Crazy SKB
Hardcore is a label thrown around far too easily in professional wrestling, but the Crazy SKB is the lead singer for a Hardcore band called QP Crazy, and wrestles a hardcore style for the 666 promotion, so HE'S DOUBLE HARDCORE.
Yeah, 666 is that promotion with the little girl that chokeslams people. The reason you've been able to see those clips online is because they were aired on Samurai TV's show Occupation of the Indies, an awesome magazine-styled showcase of smaller professional wrestling groups from all over Japan.
But you see, The Crazy SKB kind of broke the show. He has a unique style that involves him doing such things as putting on a coat made of firecrackers, lighting them, and jumping on a dude. Apparently, this is taboo in Japan or something, because whenever he does something cool in one of his matches, Occupation of the Indies CUTS TO STATIC. You hear all these little explosions and you're like OH SHIT DUDE and they don't show anything.
But hey, I wouldn't be your buddy if I wouldn't hook you up with some uncensored Crazy SKB action, so check some of this shit out.
Here he is wrestling Saddam, Osama, and Bush, teaming with HARASHIMA and Jun Kasai He's the guy with the white facepaint and the explosives.
This is the first Fanpost in KBN history..
Now some care, and others don't. Living in the heart of Dixie most of my life I have seen both kinds of people who like sports. I am a HUGE, like Lord Humongous HUGE, fan of Ole Miss Sports. I go to Womens Soccer games, I go to Softball games, I haven't missed a Baseball game in four years. So with that said I am ECSTATIC when our football team is good, and has national recognition for an entire year.
Today is an in state rivalry game, the second rivalry game in a row. Last week the Rebels defeated the Tigers of LSU, LAWL LES MILES YOU MORON. The Rebs travel to Starkville Mississippi, or as its joked around here as being the UDDER college since they're all about animal science and agriculture, to play the Mississippi State Bulldogs.
I didn't go to Starkville since I really hate the place. I hate everything about it. In Oxford there's a convenient central location to go hangout. Starkville has like one good bar, and probably the best bowling alley in Mississippi but that doesn't save your ass Starkville.
Oh yeah there's a place called Mugshots there with a huge burger. It's okay, but I prefer my Ajax burger or Redhouse or Huey's any day of the week.
So the game today is called the Eggbowl, I don't know why or care why it's called that. Last years Eggbowl was AWESOME and Ole Miss prevailed 45-0. It was hilarious and I laughed a lot, at toothless hicks trying to fight after the game.
So here's to Ole Miss Football, and here's to a guy I miss a lot this year on our team:
Mike Wallace holding a card of Mike Wallace.
Today is an in state rivalry game, the second rivalry game in a row. Last week the Rebels defeated the Tigers of LSU, LAWL LES MILES YOU MORON. The Rebs travel to Starkville Mississippi, or as its joked around here as being the UDDER college since they're all about animal science and agriculture, to play the Mississippi State Bulldogs.
I didn't go to Starkville since I really hate the place. I hate everything about it. In Oxford there's a convenient central location to go hangout. Starkville has like one good bar, and probably the best bowling alley in Mississippi but that doesn't save your ass Starkville.
Oh yeah there's a place called Mugshots there with a huge burger. It's okay, but I prefer my Ajax burger or Redhouse or Huey's any day of the week.
So the game today is called the Eggbowl, I don't know why or care why it's called that. Last years Eggbowl was AWESOME and Ole Miss prevailed 45-0. It was hilarious and I laughed a lot, at toothless hicks trying to fight after the game.
So here's to Ole Miss Football, and here's to a guy I miss a lot this year on our team:
Mike Wallace holding a card of Mike Wallace.
Speaking of Ninjas...
Going to see Ninja Assassin tomorrow, most likely. Hopefully Denizen does too so we can have DUELING REVIEWS(even if we both feel the same way about it). I'm pretty excited. I'm not usually THAT excited about seeing movies, so hopefully it's not a letdown. I mean, JMS wrote it. He wrote the best Ghostbusters cartoons ever, and I love me some Ghostbusters...BUT he also totally fucked up Spider-Man and that was a lot more recent.
So yeah, expect that video review sometime Sunday, and expect more of the Top 1 Billion list. I was serious about artwork being mixed in there, so I want to work on some. I've been itching to doodle some Kamala. Shut up.
So yeah, expect that video review sometime Sunday, and expect more of the Top 1 Billion list. I was serious about artwork being mixed in there, so I want to work on some. I've been itching to doodle some Kamala. Shut up.
Friday, November 27, 2009
The Top 1 Billion Wrestlers Ever (in no particular order)
Conveniently enough, this post happens to coincide perfectly with the Top 1B list. :D
Last week, I was fortunate enough to find a discount-priced 3-pack tin of "WWE Legends Collection, Volume 2". It contained 6 discs of classic awesomeness (each of the 3 features themselves are available for a discount priced AFAIK), and though I promised to start with the feature on the AWA, I found myself with time to kill tonight due to the presence of reruns after SmackDOWN!
So I present to you the Man of the Hour, the Tower of Power, the Arizona flower who's TOO SWEET TO BE SOUR...
"Superstar" Billy Graham.
Most of us know this story by now: Billy Graham, the muscle-man...charismatic and all muscle-manly...wearing tie-dye shirts and boas...the original bleached-blond bad-boy bodybuilder of the squared circle who inspired Hulk Hogan (THE PYTHONS), Jesse Ventura (THE BOAS), and even Triple H (uh...er...THE GAME-UH!) and had a short-but-memorable reign as WWWF Champion (3 W's, people).
But there was other stuff most people didn't know unless they were voracious about wrestling history (or watched this 3-hour gem of a disc). There was his drug addictions, the fact that HE apparently instigated the infamous Steroid Trials that almost bankrupted WWFE and split up Vince and Hogan, the fact that Graham and Dusty had actually been a successful tag team (let alone the fact that Dusty apparently worked New York and Vince-Land BEFORE the late 80's), and the fact that there's no possible way in hell that Graham-with-hair could POSSIBLY be the same Graham as Graham-with-no-hair (even though it happened) because they look WAY DIFFERENT from each other.
And you know what else I learned watching this DVD? He actually made Vincent Kennedy (KENNEDY!!) McMahon feel bad for being a douchebag at some point. Yeah. Graham did that.
I still think he looks like Scott Steiner in 15 years (at pretty much any point in time), but damn if "Superstar" Billy Graham won't make the list...for the Top 1 Billion Wrestlers EVER.
Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee...there ain't NOBODY as pretty or as powerful as "Superstar" Billy G.
Last week, I was fortunate enough to find a discount-priced 3-pack tin of "WWE Legends Collection, Volume 2". It contained 6 discs of classic awesomeness (each of the 3 features themselves are available for a discount priced AFAIK), and though I promised to start with the feature on the AWA, I found myself with time to kill tonight due to the presence of reruns after SmackDOWN!
So I present to you the Man of the Hour, the Tower of Power, the Arizona flower who's TOO SWEET TO BE SOUR...
"Superstar" Billy Graham.
Most of us know this story by now: Billy Graham, the muscle-man...charismatic and all muscle-manly...wearing tie-dye shirts and boas...the original bleached-blond bad-boy bodybuilder of the squared circle who inspired Hulk Hogan (THE PYTHONS), Jesse Ventura (THE BOAS), and even Triple H (uh...er...THE GAME-UH!) and had a short-but-memorable reign as WWWF Champion (3 W's, people).
But there was other stuff most people didn't know unless they were voracious about wrestling history (or watched this 3-hour gem of a disc). There was his drug addictions, the fact that HE apparently instigated the infamous Steroid Trials that almost bankrupted WWFE and split up Vince and Hogan, the fact that Graham and Dusty had actually been a successful tag team (let alone the fact that Dusty apparently worked New York and Vince-Land BEFORE the late 80's), and the fact that there's no possible way in hell that Graham-with-hair could POSSIBLY be the same Graham as Graham-with-no-hair (even though it happened) because they look WAY DIFFERENT from each other.
And you know what else I learned watching this DVD? He actually made Vincent Kennedy (KENNEDY!!) McMahon feel bad for being a douchebag at some point. Yeah. Graham did that.
I still think he looks like Scott Steiner in 15 years (at pretty much any point in time), but damn if "Superstar" Billy Graham won't make the list...for the Top 1 Billion Wrestlers EVER.
Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee...there ain't NOBODY as pretty or as powerful as "Superstar" Billy G.
I Refuse To Participate
I don't want to see Kidnapped By Ninjas all bloated up with OMG RASSLER posts. I really don't give a shit about 40 paragraphs devoted to a person I probably already know about. Fuck that.
Tell me about food that tastes good and where to get it. I want hilarious stories and obscure game reviews. I wanna hear how bad BigKaboom smells.
So yeah, I'm on strike until all ONE BILLION wrestlers have been revealed.
See you in 2058.
When we all have robotic buttholes.
In the meantime, I'll be working on my new blog project: Ninjanapped by Kids
Tell me about food that tastes good and where to get it. I want hilarious stories and obscure game reviews. I wanna hear how bad BigKaboom smells.
So yeah, I'm on strike until all ONE BILLION wrestlers have been revealed.
See you in 2058.
When we all have robotic buttholes.
In the meantime, I'll be working on my new blog project: Ninjanapped by Kids
The Top 1 Billion Wrestlers Ever (In no particular order)
Hi wackydeli here and I am here to add to this list of awesome. Now I know a lot of you remember Koko B. Ware for his work in the WWF, erm WWE KBN ain't getting a lawsuit! But I will always remember him as that really dark guy that you can barely see on the crappy weekly Memphis Wrestling feed.
Koko was a high flyer, despite that gut of his that made the women of Beale go WILD! Before I tell the GREATEST storyline in wrestling history, I will acknowledge that he was a good wrestler. Hell he gave Owen Hart, the best Hart, a great break into the mainstream Vince led fed. He will always be the Bird Man to me, and him as High Energy was basically the same gimmick but stupid.
I would also like to tell you that Frankie his Parrot, yeah I actually knew the name of the bird without looking it up, died in a house fire a few years back.
On to my story, when I was younger Saturday mornings were like this:
1. Wake up and change clothes
2. Watch cartoons until eleven
3. Watch Memphis Wrestling until 1
4. Wrestle neighbors until dark on someones trampoline.
This was really awesome growing up but even I couldn't believe this angle they pulled once. They showed classics after the regular show, and I got to see all my favorite WWF stars before they were at the big time. One week we had a 20 man battle royale for the MEMPHIS TELEVISION TITLE! Well it came down to two guys, Jimmy Valiant and Koko. Koko won, and the crowd went nuts. If you have never seen old Memphis Wrestling in their studio let me try to paint a picture for you.
Imagine a living room with stands and a wrestling ring. That's it. Now fill these stands with the most ragtag group of tough guys you can find. Good. I like how you think. Now remember Memphis is kind of ghetto. Yeah that was Racist, sorry.
Anyway Koko goes to claim his title, and its an actual television! This is what it looked like:
Koko runs over and says, "I AM BRINGING THIS BACK TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD FOR ALL OF US TO WATCH MEMPHIS WRESTLING!!!"
I remember as a child thinking, did he just say everyone in his neighborhood is dirt poor and can't own a television. Well it doesn't matter but the crowd went nuts when he said this. The studio basically turned into Soul Train.
Then it happened. Valiant stormed the stage, hit Koko, and BROKE THE TELEVISION! Koko stands up and says, Ok I can't tell you yet. I want you to guess what you think he said. Take a moment, and just guess. Then read below:
"WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN, HOW CAN THEY WATCH MEMPHIS WRESTLING NOW!!!"
Is this what you thought? Probably not, but I will never forget it. For this one time story alone, I am boosting Koko B. Ware all the way up to NUMBER ONE WRESTLER OF ETERNITY!
Here's a raw match with Koko and Owen:
R.I.P. Frankie: We Lost a Good Bird
Koko was a high flyer, despite that gut of his that made the women of Beale go WILD! Before I tell the GREATEST storyline in wrestling history, I will acknowledge that he was a good wrestler. Hell he gave Owen Hart, the best Hart, a great break into the mainstream Vince led fed. He will always be the Bird Man to me, and him as High Energy was basically the same gimmick but stupid.
I would also like to tell you that Frankie his Parrot, yeah I actually knew the name of the bird without looking it up, died in a house fire a few years back.
On to my story, when I was younger Saturday mornings were like this:
1. Wake up and change clothes
2. Watch cartoons until eleven
3. Watch Memphis Wrestling until 1
4. Wrestle neighbors until dark on someones trampoline.
This was really awesome growing up but even I couldn't believe this angle they pulled once. They showed classics after the regular show, and I got to see all my favorite WWF stars before they were at the big time. One week we had a 20 man battle royale for the MEMPHIS TELEVISION TITLE! Well it came down to two guys, Jimmy Valiant and Koko. Koko won, and the crowd went nuts. If you have never seen old Memphis Wrestling in their studio let me try to paint a picture for you.
Imagine a living room with stands and a wrestling ring. That's it. Now fill these stands with the most ragtag group of tough guys you can find. Good. I like how you think. Now remember Memphis is kind of ghetto. Yeah that was Racist, sorry.
Anyway Koko goes to claim his title, and its an actual television! This is what it looked like:
Koko runs over and says, "I AM BRINGING THIS BACK TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD FOR ALL OF US TO WATCH MEMPHIS WRESTLING!!!"
I remember as a child thinking, did he just say everyone in his neighborhood is dirt poor and can't own a television. Well it doesn't matter but the crowd went nuts when he said this. The studio basically turned into Soul Train.
Then it happened. Valiant stormed the stage, hit Koko, and BROKE THE TELEVISION! Koko stands up and says, Ok I can't tell you yet. I want you to guess what you think he said. Take a moment, and just guess. Then read below:
"WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN, HOW CAN THEY WATCH MEMPHIS WRESTLING NOW!!!"
Is this what you thought? Probably not, but I will never forget it. For this one time story alone, I am boosting Koko B. Ware all the way up to NUMBER ONE WRESTLER OF ETERNITY!
Here's a raw match with Koko and Owen:
R.I.P. Frankie: We Lost a Good Bird
Thursday, November 26, 2009
The Top 1 Billion Wrestlers Ever (in no particular order)
Well, I'm back. I don't have enough money to do any kind of reviews for new games, even if they were games for cheap bastards. However, the new concept of The Top One Billion Wrestlers Ever has reigned me back in to KBN, so here we go, Number THREE on the top one billion wrestlers ever (in no particular order).
Okay, so we have some horrible indies here in Southern Indiana. I mean, REALLY horrible. You guys who live out in all these indy hotspots have no idea how freaking lucky you all are. Philly gets tremendous diversity in all wrestling styles plus Mike fucking Quackenbush, Cali gets all that great lucha, Southern Indiana gets...this guy. And yes, those are tattoo sleeves, before you ask. Man up and live your fucking gimmick.
But here, there is one man who attempts to overcome, who attempts to save every single damn show in this region from the idiots attempting deathmatch garbage by just hitting each other with glass tubes until their brains fall out. Does he succeed in saving these shows? Hell no. But his effort alone earns him a spot on this list. For his committment to trying to save shitty deathmatch shows in Southern Indiana by being as entertaining as he possibly can, despite his rapidly decreasing physical abilities, I'd like to induct Tracy Smothers onto this list.
Most of you guys probably remember Tracy as either one half of The Wild Eyed Southern Boys with Steve Armstrong or as the dancing fool of the Full Blooded Italians in ECW. But nowadays, you'll find him every Saturday night in every single National Guard Armory, high school gym, and (I wish I was making this up) indoor soccer field across the lower half of the Crossroads of America, working his ass off to try to give the 10 or so people who showed up the best match they can get with a 19 year old kid who can just do a couple flips. Even if the match isn't really that good, you've got to admire the dedication of a man like that. There's one guy in every part of the country who does it: their bodies are deteriorating, they can't really go anymore, but they stick around anyways to do the best they can with what they've got. It's really that love of the business that drives the wrestling world on.
In commemoration, here's Tracy Smothers wrestling a bear and threatening to undress an Adrian Adonis ripoff managed by Harvey Whippleman.
Okay, so we have some horrible indies here in Southern Indiana. I mean, REALLY horrible. You guys who live out in all these indy hotspots have no idea how freaking lucky you all are. Philly gets tremendous diversity in all wrestling styles plus Mike fucking Quackenbush, Cali gets all that great lucha, Southern Indiana gets...this guy. And yes, those are tattoo sleeves, before you ask. Man up and live your fucking gimmick.
But here, there is one man who attempts to overcome, who attempts to save every single damn show in this region from the idiots attempting deathmatch garbage by just hitting each other with glass tubes until their brains fall out. Does he succeed in saving these shows? Hell no. But his effort alone earns him a spot on this list. For his committment to trying to save shitty deathmatch shows in Southern Indiana by being as entertaining as he possibly can, despite his rapidly decreasing physical abilities, I'd like to induct Tracy Smothers onto this list.
Most of you guys probably remember Tracy as either one half of The Wild Eyed Southern Boys with Steve Armstrong or as the dancing fool of the Full Blooded Italians in ECW. But nowadays, you'll find him every Saturday night in every single National Guard Armory, high school gym, and (I wish I was making this up) indoor soccer field across the lower half of the Crossroads of America, working his ass off to try to give the 10 or so people who showed up the best match they can get with a 19 year old kid who can just do a couple flips. Even if the match isn't really that good, you've got to admire the dedication of a man like that. There's one guy in every part of the country who does it: their bodies are deteriorating, they can't really go anymore, but they stick around anyways to do the best they can with what they've got. It's really that love of the business that drives the wrestling world on.
In commemoration, here's Tracy Smothers wrestling a bear and threatening to undress an Adrian Adonis ripoff managed by Harvey Whippleman.
The Top 1 Billion Wrestlers Ever (In no particular order)
It was 5 years ago at the Big Butler fair. My brother, my best friend, and I were there not to ride the Gravitron or eat deep fried Snickers - but to see good ole fashion indy rasslin. With a card featuring Mick Foley as a referee, CM Punk, Chris Candido, Jim Duggan, Honky Tonk Man..this was unmissable.
So we're walking through the fair grounds waiting for the show to start, and I notice Eric Xtasy walk past us. Nobody else recognized him but me, and immediately I marked out causing my two compadres to mark out as well. We rush over to meet and get autographs from Steerling James Keenan, the aforementioned Eric Xtasy...and Glenn Spectre.
At this time Glenn Spectre and Eric Xtasy were in a very gay tag team. Xtasy was the champion, but his character was more interested in tag teaming with his possible homosexual lover. That information has nothing to do with what happens next. Someone with us, not a wrestling fan, says that she doesn't know who any of these guys are. The three wrestlers aren't upset they just kind of accept that they are unknowns. I chime in:
"Don't be dumb. That's Alex Shelly!"
I immediately look stupid, and Glenn Spectre looks completely embarrassed. My friend corrects me in a split second and I feel about two feet tall. I still ask him for an autograph, and he says:
"I feel like an asshole but yeah."
To this day I have not lived that situation down. My friend bought the DVD of the show a few weeks ago and I had to relive it all over again...on a side note the DVD skipped because it was cheaply made.
For this story I salute Glenn Spectre as one of the top 1 Billion Wrestlers Ever
So we're walking through the fair grounds waiting for the show to start, and I notice Eric Xtasy walk past us. Nobody else recognized him but me, and immediately I marked out causing my two compadres to mark out as well. We rush over to meet and get autographs from Steerling James Keenan, the aforementioned Eric Xtasy...and Glenn Spectre.
At this time Glenn Spectre and Eric Xtasy were in a very gay tag team. Xtasy was the champion, but his character was more interested in tag teaming with his possible homosexual lover. That information has nothing to do with what happens next. Someone with us, not a wrestling fan, says that she doesn't know who any of these guys are. The three wrestlers aren't upset they just kind of accept that they are unknowns. I chime in:
"Don't be dumb. That's Alex Shelly!"
I immediately look stupid, and Glenn Spectre looks completely embarrassed. My friend corrects me in a split second and I feel about two feet tall. I still ask him for an autograph, and he says:
"I feel like an asshole but yeah."
To this day I have not lived that situation down. My friend bought the DVD of the show a few weeks ago and I had to relive it all over again...on a side note the DVD skipped because it was cheaply made.
For this story I salute Glenn Spectre as one of the top 1 Billion Wrestlers Ever
The Top 1 Billion Wrestlers Ever (In no particular order)
Man, you guys can have your PWI 500s and all that shit, but here at Kidnapped by Ninjas we're fucking bigger and better than those guys, and all of my writers are real people and not Stu Sacks pretending to be other people. Sadly, you won't be getting any psychological analysis from Dr. Sydney M. Basil in any of this. BUT you will get the ultimate of ultimate concepts, ultimately. The Ultimate Warrior will not be on this list.
ANY of us can post a profile of ANY wrestler we want at ANY time. Unless they're the Ultimate Warrior. If you want to get by on a technicality you can add the Dingo Warrior, though. It'll have maybe a picture, maybe us talking about why the person is awesome, maybe a youtube video, maybe you some artwork we drew of the guy, maybe just "Hulk Hogan: He is Good"
WRESTLER NUMBER ONE IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER may or may not be number one in all of our hearts. He's number one in someone's though...wait until you hear the story.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.....
TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT
I give you...TUGBOAT
Here he is killing Iron Mike Sharpe.
Okay...look. I know the guy was Typhoon, and the Shockmaster run is LEGENDARY. Let me tell you something motherfucker, I have a story FAR MORE EMBARRASSING than the Shockmaster incident.
I've told a few of you this, and JDDelphin has told me I really had to tell everyone this, so man, you guys get this shit here.
So I'm at a WWF house show at the LA Sports Arena. I was probably like ten or eleven years old, and the main event was Hulk Hogan and Tugboat vs Dino Bravo and Earthquake.
Now, as things were then, the place was a SEA of red and yellow in support for The Hulkster. Well, save for a young lady in red and white.
You see, there was a woman, probably in her early twenties, normal looking enough. Well, other than what she was wearing. You see, she was dressed exactly like Tugboat. Red and white shirt, sailor hat, even little earrings shaped like captain's wheels. I give you...TUGBOAT GIRL.
Okay, now...this was strange. OF ALL THE FUCKING PEOPLE TO DRESS UP AS AND SUPPORT-fucking Tugboat? I mean, shit dude. I loved Hulk Hogan and was a total Hulkamaniac, but I knew Tugboat was just Hulk Hogan's friend of the month to do house shows with, like Hillbilly Jim, Paul Orndorff as a face, and Brutus Beefcake. It's like, we appreciated that Hogan had a partner, but we were there to see HOGAN fight Dino Bravo and Earthquake, his partner could have been Iron Mike Sharpe for all we cared.
BUT SHE CARED. And you know, Tugboat was the victim in this match, being destroyed by Bravo and Quake until he could make a hot tag to the Hulkster and clean house-this meant that most of the match was Tugboat getting the shit knocked out of him.
Earthquake fucks his shit up and flexes, and the crowd showers him with boos. Among the boos, I hear sobbing.
"GET UP TUGBOAT!"
Tugboat girl was having a total shit attack. With tears streaming down her red face, she was hoping with all her might that he'd make his way over and make the tag-not to win, but just to not die.
This makes Tugboat one of the Top 1 Billion Wrestlers Ever-for giving me this story to tell.
I often wonder what happened to Tugboat girl. Did she get clued into the inner workings of the sport and feel like an idiot? Does she still believe? Did she commit suicide when Tugboat became Typhoon? The world may never know.
ANY of us can post a profile of ANY wrestler we want at ANY time. Unless they're the Ultimate Warrior. If you want to get by on a technicality you can add the Dingo Warrior, though. It'll have maybe a picture, maybe us talking about why the person is awesome, maybe a youtube video, maybe you some artwork we drew of the guy, maybe just "Hulk Hogan: He is Good"
WRESTLER NUMBER ONE IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER may or may not be number one in all of our hearts. He's number one in someone's though...wait until you hear the story.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.....
TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT
I give you...TUGBOAT
Here he is killing Iron Mike Sharpe.
Okay...look. I know the guy was Typhoon, and the Shockmaster run is LEGENDARY. Let me tell you something motherfucker, I have a story FAR MORE EMBARRASSING than the Shockmaster incident.
I've told a few of you this, and JDDelphin has told me I really had to tell everyone this, so man, you guys get this shit here.
So I'm at a WWF house show at the LA Sports Arena. I was probably like ten or eleven years old, and the main event was Hulk Hogan and Tugboat vs Dino Bravo and Earthquake.
Now, as things were then, the place was a SEA of red and yellow in support for The Hulkster. Well, save for a young lady in red and white.
You see, there was a woman, probably in her early twenties, normal looking enough. Well, other than what she was wearing. You see, she was dressed exactly like Tugboat. Red and white shirt, sailor hat, even little earrings shaped like captain's wheels. I give you...TUGBOAT GIRL.
Okay, now...this was strange. OF ALL THE FUCKING PEOPLE TO DRESS UP AS AND SUPPORT-fucking Tugboat? I mean, shit dude. I loved Hulk Hogan and was a total Hulkamaniac, but I knew Tugboat was just Hulk Hogan's friend of the month to do house shows with, like Hillbilly Jim, Paul Orndorff as a face, and Brutus Beefcake. It's like, we appreciated that Hogan had a partner, but we were there to see HOGAN fight Dino Bravo and Earthquake, his partner could have been Iron Mike Sharpe for all we cared.
BUT SHE CARED. And you know, Tugboat was the victim in this match, being destroyed by Bravo and Quake until he could make a hot tag to the Hulkster and clean house-this meant that most of the match was Tugboat getting the shit knocked out of him.
Earthquake fucks his shit up and flexes, and the crowd showers him with boos. Among the boos, I hear sobbing.
"GET UP TUGBOAT!"
Tugboat girl was having a total shit attack. With tears streaming down her red face, she was hoping with all her might that he'd make his way over and make the tag-not to win, but just to not die.
This makes Tugboat one of the Top 1 Billion Wrestlers Ever-for giving me this story to tell.
I often wonder what happened to Tugboat girl. Did she get clued into the inner workings of the sport and feel like an idiot? Does she still believe? Did she commit suicide when Tugboat became Typhoon? The world may never know.
TheDenizen talks Ninja
Beatings and Salutations to the readership of KBN! My name is TheDenizen and I like violence.
I'm also a junkie for movies, so violent movies are naturally up my alley. I like 'em in all shapes and sizes: Big Hollywood productions, low budget indys, foreign films, you name it. As long as there are several protracted scenes of someone doing grievous bodily harm to someone else, I'm all over it. That includes westerns, gore and horror flicks, kung fu, exploitation, crime/heist movies, or basically anything with samurai, ninja or Japanese schoolgirls.
Thus my tenuous link to Kidnapped By Ninjas. I'll be posting semi regular film reviews of whatever I happen to be watching. Sometimes they'll be detailed, and sometimes I'll post a group of themed capsule reviews. I'm telling you now though, I'm not going to bother reviewing huge blockbusters unless they are of extreme interest: go look up e-pinions or some shit if you wanna read about Twilight or the new Harry Potter flick.
My interests generally lie in the seedier underbelly of world cinema. Schlocky, micro budgeted amateur productions and trashy sleaze are much more likely to be highlighted than any Michael Bay movie. Giddy up. Hopefully I can turn some of you lovely folks on to a few of the lesser known films that so enrich my life.
With that out of the way, let's get this ball rolling...
Since this is Kidnapped by Ninjas! let's talk ninja flicks. The Ninja is enjoying a resurgence in popularity recently the likes of which hasn't been seen since the mid 1980s, largely due to the recent film Ninja Assassin (of course, there's also the whole lame internet war between ninjas and pirates, but screw that). Ninja Assassin might be grabbing the headlines these days, but let's have a look at a handful of ninja films from days gone by:
Samurai Spy (1965) - Awesome ninja action from director Masahiro Shinoda. This flick introduces all the cool ninja conventions that were staples by the time the 80s came along and ninja flicks were being cranked out by the dozen. Reverse jumping, shuriken flurries, rope darts, it's all here and filmed with incredible style. The plot is a little convoluted and deals with samurai politics in the wake of the Battle of Sekigahara, but it doesn't really matter. This flick is more concerned with making ninjas look cool as hell.
Chinese Super Ninjas aka Five Element Ninjas (1982) - pretty sweet Shaw brothers movie from the 80s about a gang of color-coded ninjas using unique elemental attacks to wipe out a clan of Chinese dudes. Tons of special weapons and cool moves as the ninjas kill just about everyone in the first 30 minutes. Then the last couple of guys figure out ways around all their individual ninja tricks and kill all the ninjas. Simple, but brilliantly executed with plenty of spraying blood and guts.
Duel to the Death (1983) - Two words: NINJA MAYHEM. This flick has so much incredible ninja crap, it hurts. There's a giant ninja, exploding ninjas, ninjas who fly on paper kites, Bugs Bunny-style burrowing ninjas, a naked female ninja with a huge net, you name it. It's Japan vs China in a sword swinging, limb hewing, finger ripping extravaganza. A bit talky in the middle, but the ninjas more than make up for that.
Red Shadow (2001) - This movie was awesome for about 20 minutes, then it turned into a painful endurance test. After a bit of cool stylized ninja action, we are forced to hear endless moaning and moralizing from ninjas who don't want to kill! WTF? Just kill stuff and shut up, you're fucking ninjas! The attempts at comedy fall completely flat. A big disappointment, I can't believe I finished the whole thing.
Ninja Checkmate (1979) - I get burned blind buying shit all the time. I see a cheap DVD with "ninja" in the title and my will melts. This flick actually doesn't have a single ninja in it, but was just a random English title slapped on an imported kung fu DVD from China. I mention it only to highlight this annoying and devious practice of DVD distributors. That being said, this film (aka Mystery of Chess Boxing) is actually an excellent old school kung fu movie starring Mark and Jack Long. Worth checking out, despite the dearth of ninja related content.
I know I've skipped the well known North American series of Ninja movies starring Sho Kosugi, but I figure if you don't know about THOSE already you have no hope.
See you all next time, I gotta go watch someone get their face ripped off.
I'm also a junkie for movies, so violent movies are naturally up my alley. I like 'em in all shapes and sizes: Big Hollywood productions, low budget indys, foreign films, you name it. As long as there are several protracted scenes of someone doing grievous bodily harm to someone else, I'm all over it. That includes westerns, gore and horror flicks, kung fu, exploitation, crime/heist movies, or basically anything with samurai, ninja or Japanese schoolgirls.
Thus my tenuous link to Kidnapped By Ninjas. I'll be posting semi regular film reviews of whatever I happen to be watching. Sometimes they'll be detailed, and sometimes I'll post a group of themed capsule reviews. I'm telling you now though, I'm not going to bother reviewing huge blockbusters unless they are of extreme interest: go look up e-pinions or some shit if you wanna read about Twilight or the new Harry Potter flick.
My interests generally lie in the seedier underbelly of world cinema. Schlocky, micro budgeted amateur productions and trashy sleaze are much more likely to be highlighted than any Michael Bay movie. Giddy up. Hopefully I can turn some of you lovely folks on to a few of the lesser known films that so enrich my life.
With that out of the way, let's get this ball rolling...
Since this is Kidnapped by Ninjas! let's talk ninja flicks. The Ninja is enjoying a resurgence in popularity recently the likes of which hasn't been seen since the mid 1980s, largely due to the recent film Ninja Assassin (of course, there's also the whole lame internet war between ninjas and pirates, but screw that). Ninja Assassin might be grabbing the headlines these days, but let's have a look at a handful of ninja films from days gone by:
Samurai Spy (1965) - Awesome ninja action from director Masahiro Shinoda. This flick introduces all the cool ninja conventions that were staples by the time the 80s came along and ninja flicks were being cranked out by the dozen. Reverse jumping, shuriken flurries, rope darts, it's all here and filmed with incredible style. The plot is a little convoluted and deals with samurai politics in the wake of the Battle of Sekigahara, but it doesn't really matter. This flick is more concerned with making ninjas look cool as hell.
Chinese Super Ninjas aka Five Element Ninjas (1982) - pretty sweet Shaw brothers movie from the 80s about a gang of color-coded ninjas using unique elemental attacks to wipe out a clan of Chinese dudes. Tons of special weapons and cool moves as the ninjas kill just about everyone in the first 30 minutes. Then the last couple of guys figure out ways around all their individual ninja tricks and kill all the ninjas. Simple, but brilliantly executed with plenty of spraying blood and guts.
Duel to the Death (1983) - Two words: NINJA MAYHEM. This flick has so much incredible ninja crap, it hurts. There's a giant ninja, exploding ninjas, ninjas who fly on paper kites, Bugs Bunny-style burrowing ninjas, a naked female ninja with a huge net, you name it. It's Japan vs China in a sword swinging, limb hewing, finger ripping extravaganza. A bit talky in the middle, but the ninjas more than make up for that.
Red Shadow (2001) - This movie was awesome for about 20 minutes, then it turned into a painful endurance test. After a bit of cool stylized ninja action, we are forced to hear endless moaning and moralizing from ninjas who don't want to kill! WTF? Just kill stuff and shut up, you're fucking ninjas! The attempts at comedy fall completely flat. A big disappointment, I can't believe I finished the whole thing.
Ninja Checkmate (1979) - I get burned blind buying shit all the time. I see a cheap DVD with "ninja" in the title and my will melts. This flick actually doesn't have a single ninja in it, but was just a random English title slapped on an imported kung fu DVD from China. I mention it only to highlight this annoying and devious practice of DVD distributors. That being said, this film (aka Mystery of Chess Boxing) is actually an excellent old school kung fu movie starring Mark and Jack Long. Worth checking out, despite the dearth of ninja related content.
I know I've skipped the well known North American series of Ninja movies starring Sho Kosugi, but I figure if you don't know about THOSE already you have no hope.
See you all next time, I gotta go watch someone get their face ripped off.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
ohhhhh radiooooo...........
hey what's up y'all? it's your guy HC. Back in the day as a kid i used to think songs on the radio were sung by people i know. this made music like 8000000 more times awesome.I swore to god my brother's friend James made "it takes two" by rob base and DJ EZ rock. I also thought Marvin Gaye was a member of the California raisins. I remember hearing cradle of filth at a friend's house in 8Th grade and imagining a dude singing with a triceratops's skull for a headdress. Boy was i disappointed when i saw what he really looked like, anyways I'll be back with more fiddle faddle (which makes an excellent cereal BTW) probably something along the headlines of "THE SMOKING SECTION"or something cute like that. Have a good thanksgiving ninjas and ninjarettes, I'll be working at 5am friday morning. sigh, black friday and no ice cube or mike epps....DAAAAAMN!! 
Friday, November 20, 2009
Discount WWE...and it's ACTUALLY WORTH THE MONEY
FYE's got a sale going on from now until Black Friday, and I took advantage of it. A 3-pack (Legends Pack tin-boxed edition, Volume 2) of DVDs (Dusty Rhodes, AWA, Billy Graham) totalling 6 discs and 18 hours of classic action, retailing for $35, on sale for $20.
BOO-YA, folks. I'll be watching them all (starting with the 2-disc AWA set) and reviewing them here.
So here's to Nick Bockwinkel defending the AWA Title against Hulk Hogan, and the feud that ended up changing the face of professional wrestling forever as a result of Nick's super-dickery. The odyssey starts with AWA and ends with Dusty Rhodes; wish me luck, peoples.
BOO-YA, folks. I'll be watching them all (starting with the 2-disc AWA set) and reviewing them here.
So here's to Nick Bockwinkel defending the AWA Title against Hulk Hogan, and the feud that ended up changing the face of professional wrestling forever as a result of Nick's super-dickery. The odyssey starts with AWA and ends with Dusty Rhodes; wish me luck, peoples.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Rice.
Rice is fucking awesome. You can pretty much add anything you want to rice, and it'll still be edible.
The best kind of rice is the sticky shit you get from Chinese restraunts. Not the flavored stuff, mind you, the plain white rice.
But, homemade rice can be awesome. In fact, if you got thirty minuites and you want a damn good lunch, I got just the thing for you: make a rice bowl meal. You know, like you can get in Japan.
Now, I never actually had a Japanese rice bowl. So my rice bowls probably taste NOTHING like the real thing. But, what I do make is pretty damn good.
So here's what you do. You take a half cup of white rice... WHITE rice, mind you. Yellow rice is fucking shit. Now, you take a saucepan, the smaller the better, and bring a cup of water to a boil. Don't add the rice until the water is boiling. In fact, after the water boils, take a spoonful of butter (or margarine or whatever) and put it into the water first, stir it up and put the stove to simmer before adding rice. Stir for a bit more. Now, get whatever spices and shit you have, pick out your favorites and add them in. Me, I use garlic and red pepper. Also add a tablespoon of sugar too. Trust me on this. Rice + Sugar = Awesome. Now, stir that shit up, and put whatever timer you got in your kitchen to, say, 17 minuites.
While you're waiting for your rice to cook, get two eggs and a frying pan ready. Also, get some pre-cooked meat, either leftovers or cold cuts; chicken, steak, ribs, whatever.... get that shit, cut it up into small chunks, put it on a plate and pour a shitload of teriyaki sauce on them. I use Kikkoman garlic-flavored teriyaki myself. Anyway, put that shit in your microwave, put the mic set for one minuite, but DON'T start it until the timer's done.
When the timer IS done, spray some cooking spray on your pan and put it on another part of your stove, on high. Turn off the burner the rice is on, but don't take it off the heat. Now, crack open the eggs and fry em up, try not to break the yolks. Wait until it's JUST so the whites are cooked but it's still runny, take the eggs and the rice off the heat. NOW you start your microwave.
Put the eggs into the rice, break the yolks and stir until the meat's done. Once the meat's done, take it out, and put it, as well as the runoff teriyaki sauce, into the rice and stir that shit up to.
Oh, and rice is always best when eaten with chopsticks. Anyone who tells you chopsticks are hard to use either have really shitty hand-eye coordination or are just plain fucking stupid. You can buy chopsticks online, for as low as five bucks a pair plus S+H. Plus, they're also good for gouging the eyes of that annoying waiter who keeps asking you every five fucking minuites if everything's okay, and takes away your drink to top it off when you still have half of it left.
...or so I've been told...
The best kind of rice is the sticky shit you get from Chinese restraunts. Not the flavored stuff, mind you, the plain white rice.
But, homemade rice can be awesome. In fact, if you got thirty minuites and you want a damn good lunch, I got just the thing for you: make a rice bowl meal. You know, like you can get in Japan.
Now, I never actually had a Japanese rice bowl. So my rice bowls probably taste NOTHING like the real thing. But, what I do make is pretty damn good.
So here's what you do. You take a half cup of white rice... WHITE rice, mind you. Yellow rice is fucking shit. Now, you take a saucepan, the smaller the better, and bring a cup of water to a boil. Don't add the rice until the water is boiling. In fact, after the water boils, take a spoonful of butter (or margarine or whatever) and put it into the water first, stir it up and put the stove to simmer before adding rice. Stir for a bit more. Now, get whatever spices and shit you have, pick out your favorites and add them in. Me, I use garlic and red pepper. Also add a tablespoon of sugar too. Trust me on this. Rice + Sugar = Awesome. Now, stir that shit up, and put whatever timer you got in your kitchen to, say, 17 minuites.
While you're waiting for your rice to cook, get two eggs and a frying pan ready. Also, get some pre-cooked meat, either leftovers or cold cuts; chicken, steak, ribs, whatever.... get that shit, cut it up into small chunks, put it on a plate and pour a shitload of teriyaki sauce on them. I use Kikkoman garlic-flavored teriyaki myself. Anyway, put that shit in your microwave, put the mic set for one minuite, but DON'T start it until the timer's done.
When the timer IS done, spray some cooking spray on your pan and put it on another part of your stove, on high. Turn off the burner the rice is on, but don't take it off the heat. Now, crack open the eggs and fry em up, try not to break the yolks. Wait until it's JUST so the whites are cooked but it's still runny, take the eggs and the rice off the heat. NOW you start your microwave.
Put the eggs into the rice, break the yolks and stir until the meat's done. Once the meat's done, take it out, and put it, as well as the runoff teriyaki sauce, into the rice and stir that shit up to.
Oh, and rice is always best when eaten with chopsticks. Anyone who tells you chopsticks are hard to use either have really shitty hand-eye coordination or are just plain fucking stupid. You can buy chopsticks online, for as low as five bucks a pair plus S+H. Plus, they're also good for gouging the eyes of that annoying waiter who keeps asking you every five fucking minuites if everything's okay, and takes away your drink to top it off when you still have half of it left.
...or so I've been told...
Hello FOLKS
This is my first attempt at writing a blog and hopefully it won't completely suck. I don't lead the most entertaining life, but I do have stories occasionally and I do watch movies from time to time and don't mind ranting when they suck, or praising a good movie if I see one. I also watch a fair amount of sports, like mma, boxing, football, and college basketball, so I'll try to contribute my wildly sought-after opinions on those subjects.
Today I'd like to address one of my biggest phobias: public restrooms.
Now you may read that sentence and say, ' wow, what a vagina', but I have my reasons. I never had a problem with public restrooms until I went camping for a weekend about 7 or 8 years ago, and had to use those fucking horrid, yet often convenient inventions called Porta-Potties, or Porta-Johns, or whatever.
Walking into one of these shitholes (lulz, literally, lulz) and being smacked in the face by the stench of day old piss and shit, combined with the smell of whatever that chemical is they use in those things is enough to make me want to walk back outside and just defecate on myself. The experience that weekend scarred me for life, and to this day I have terrible dreams because of it.
I had one of said dreams just last night, and thank God, because now I have something to write about!
This one started out like most of them, where I'm at work and suddenly have to piss like mad. This is usually because I actually DO have to piss, and am sleeping so well all my brain can do is come up with some repulsive dream instead of actually waking me up.
So, here I am, desperately looking for a bathroom and the first one I come to is a complete wreck. It's always the same. Some asshole with explosive diarrhea has come in and just fucking SPRAYED everything and apparently it was fun because as I run from bathroom to bathroom, I find that this prick has been to every one. Here I am, on the verge of pissing myself, and I'm having to watch my step, and can't touch anything, because it's all covered in this cocksucker's feces. Oh, and the funky smell of the chemical they put in the Porta-Johns is there, too, just too add to my nausea. Usually it gets bad enough that my body finally wakes up and I actually do go take the monster piss I've been holding in throughout this whole nightmare.
Just thought I'd share this classy store with everyone, because it was fresh on my mind and plus, I needed something to contribute so Troma didn't start calling me names behind my back. I'll try to have something a little less fucked up to write about next time. Later.
Today I'd like to address one of my biggest phobias: public restrooms.
Now you may read that sentence and say, ' wow, what a vagina', but I have my reasons. I never had a problem with public restrooms until I went camping for a weekend about 7 or 8 years ago, and had to use those fucking horrid, yet often convenient inventions called Porta-Potties, or Porta-Johns, or whatever.
Walking into one of these shitholes (lulz, literally, lulz) and being smacked in the face by the stench of day old piss and shit, combined with the smell of whatever that chemical is they use in those things is enough to make me want to walk back outside and just defecate on myself. The experience that weekend scarred me for life, and to this day I have terrible dreams because of it.
I had one of said dreams just last night, and thank God, because now I have something to write about!
This one started out like most of them, where I'm at work and suddenly have to piss like mad. This is usually because I actually DO have to piss, and am sleeping so well all my brain can do is come up with some repulsive dream instead of actually waking me up.
So, here I am, desperately looking for a bathroom and the first one I come to is a complete wreck. It's always the same. Some asshole with explosive diarrhea has come in and just fucking SPRAYED everything and apparently it was fun because as I run from bathroom to bathroom, I find that this prick has been to every one. Here I am, on the verge of pissing myself, and I'm having to watch my step, and can't touch anything, because it's all covered in this cocksucker's feces. Oh, and the funky smell of the chemical they put in the Porta-Johns is there, too, just too add to my nausea. Usually it gets bad enough that my body finally wakes up and I actually do go take the monster piss I've been holding in throughout this whole nightmare.
Just thought I'd share this classy store with everyone, because it was fresh on my mind and plus, I needed something to contribute so Troma didn't start calling me names behind my back. I'll try to have something a little less fucked up to write about next time. Later.
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