Hello FOLKS

This is my first attempt at writing a blog and hopefully it won't completely suck. I don't lead the most entertaining life, but I do have stories occasionally and I do watch movies from time to time and don't mind ranting when they suck, or praising a good movie if I see one. I also watch a fair amount of sports, like mma, boxing, football, and college basketball, so I'll try to contribute my wildly sought-after opinions on those subjects.

Today I'd like to address one of my biggest phobias: public restrooms.

Now you may read that sentence and say, ' wow, what a vagina', but I have my reasons. I never had a problem with public restrooms until I went camping for a weekend about 7 or 8 years ago, and had to use those fucking horrid, yet often convenient inventions called Porta-Potties, or Porta-Johns, or whatever.

Walking into one of these shitholes (lulz, literally, lulz) and being smacked in the face by the stench of day old piss and shit, combined with the smell of whatever that chemical is they use in those things is enough to make me want to walk back outside and just defecate on myself. The experience that weekend scarred me for life, and to this day I have terrible dreams because of it.

I had one of said dreams just last night, and thank God, because now I have something to write about!

This one started out like most of them, where I'm at work and suddenly have to piss like mad. This is usually because I actually DO have to piss, and am sleeping so well all my brain can do is come up with some repulsive dream instead of actually waking me up.

So, here I am, desperately looking for a bathroom and the first one I come to is a complete wreck. It's always the same. Some asshole with explosive diarrhea has come in and just fucking SPRAYED everything and apparently it was fun because as I run from bathroom to bathroom, I find that this prick has been to every one. Here I am, on the verge of pissing myself, and I'm having to watch my step, and can't touch anything, because it's all covered in this cocksucker's feces. Oh, and the funky smell of the chemical they put in the Porta-Johns is there, too, just too add to my nausea. Usually it gets bad enough that my body finally wakes up and I actually do go take the monster piss I've been holding in throughout this whole nightmare.

Just thought I'd share this classy store with everyone, because it was fresh on my mind and plus, I needed something to contribute so Troma didn't start calling me names behind my back. I'll try to have something a little less fucked up to write about next time. Later.