TheDenizen talks Ninja

Beatings and Salutations to the readership of KBN! My name is TheDenizen and I like violence.

I'm also a junkie for movies, so violent movies are naturally up my alley. I like 'em in all shapes and sizes: Big Hollywood productions, low budget indys, foreign films, you name it. As long as there are several protracted scenes of someone doing grievous bodily harm to someone else, I'm all over it. That includes westerns, gore and horror flicks, kung fu, exploitation, crime/heist movies, or basically anything with samurai, ninja or Japanese schoolgirls.

Thus my tenuous link to Kidnapped By Ninjas. I'll be posting semi regular film reviews of whatever I happen to be watching. Sometimes they'll be detailed, and sometimes I'll post a group of themed capsule reviews. I'm telling you now though, I'm not going to bother reviewing huge blockbusters unless they are of extreme interest: go look up e-pinions or some shit if you wanna read about Twilight or the new Harry Potter flick.

My interests generally lie in the seedier underbelly of world cinema. Schlocky, micro budgeted amateur productions and trashy sleaze are much more likely to be highlighted than any Michael Bay movie. Giddy up. Hopefully I can turn some of you lovely folks on to a few of the lesser known films that so enrich my life.

With that out of the way, let's get this ball rolling...

Since this is Kidnapped by Ninjas! let's talk ninja flicks. The Ninja is enjoying a resurgence in popularity recently the likes of which hasn't been seen since the mid 1980s, largely due to the recent film Ninja Assassin (of course, there's also the whole lame internet war between ninjas and pirates, but screw that). Ninja Assassin might be grabbing the headlines these days, but let's have a look at a handful of ninja films from days gone by:

Samurai Spy (1965) - Awesome ninja action from director Masahiro Shinoda. This flick introduces all the cool ninja conventions that were staples by the time the 80s came along and ninja flicks were being cranked out by the dozen. Reverse jumping, shuriken flurries, rope darts, it's all here and filmed with incredible style. The plot is a little convoluted and deals with samurai politics in the wake of the Battle of Sekigahara, but it doesn't really matter. This flick is more concerned with making ninjas look cool as hell.

Chinese Super Ninjas aka Five Element Ninjas (1982) - pretty sweet Shaw brothers movie from the 80s about a gang of color-coded ninjas using unique elemental attacks to wipe out a clan of Chinese dudes. Tons of special weapons and cool moves as the ninjas kill just about everyone in the first 30 minutes. Then the last couple of guys figure out ways around all their individual ninja tricks and kill all the ninjas. Simple, but brilliantly executed with plenty of spraying blood and guts.

Duel to the Death (1983) - Two words: NINJA MAYHEM. This flick has so much incredible ninja crap, it hurts. There's a giant ninja, exploding ninjas, ninjas who fly on paper kites, Bugs Bunny-style burrowing ninjas, a naked female ninja with a huge net, you name it. It's Japan vs China in a sword swinging, limb hewing, finger ripping extravaganza. A bit talky in the middle, but the ninjas more than make up for that.

Red Shadow (2001) - This movie was awesome for about 20 minutes, then it turned into a painful endurance test. After a bit of cool stylized ninja action, we are forced to hear endless moaning and moralizing from ninjas who don't want to kill! WTF? Just kill stuff and shut up, you're fucking ninjas! The attempts at comedy fall completely flat. A big disappointment, I can't believe I finished the whole thing.

Ninja Checkmate (1979) - I get burned blind buying shit all the time. I see a cheap DVD with "ninja" in the title and my will melts. This flick actually doesn't have a single ninja in it, but was just a random English title slapped on an imported kung fu DVD from China. I mention it only to highlight this annoying and devious practice of DVD distributors. That being said, this film (aka Mystery of Chess Boxing) is actually an excellent old school kung fu movie starring Mark and Jack Long. Worth checking out, despite the dearth of ninja related content.

I know I've skipped the well known North American series of Ninja movies starring Sho Kosugi, but I figure if you don't know about THOSE already you have no hope.

See you all next time, I gotta go watch someone get their face ripped off.