Rob Liefield and the Vague Power of Kicking Ass

So I don't buy new comics anymore. They bore the shit out of me because they put 2 issues of story into 6 issues. So all the substance is stretched out to the point of being almost not there. Sure the art is prettier now, but everything is being written by completely pretentious jerk offs that think that everything should be put back into the same status quo that they had when they were kids. Which is fine if you're afraid of forward progress. Instead, I've been spending my money on older comics. Specifically 90s comics. They are regarded by internet comic "fans" as being the worst things every made (yet they buy New Avengers, but whatever man, it's your money). I disagree. I find them to be very entertaining and just plain awesome.

This brings me to the title. So I've bought a lot Image comics. They're good (most of the time anyway). My main complaint is that Rob Liefield creates a lot of characters with the vague power of just kicking ass. These are guys who are skilled at all hand to hand fighting styles, they can shoot any gun regardless of it's ridiculous size, they're almost always obscenely over muscled yet somehow are all world class gymnasts. Here's a list of characters from some of the Liefield titles that featured characters with the vague power of kicking ass.


Chapel: In the beginning he was a good guy on Youngblood then he ended up being a bad guy (and was the guy that killed Spawn) and then government gave him Super AIDS because he was an asshole. Then they stuck him on a team full of people who kept getting brought back from the dead. I did not make any of that up. THE GOVERNMENT GAVE HIM SUPER AIDS BECAUSE HE WAS AN ASSHOLE.

Vogue: She's some Russian Spy who runs around with weird hair. I don'r really know a lot about her because in the issues I have she doesn't do much.

Shaft: He not only gets the vague power to kick ass, he also gets a space bow and arrow. It uses magnets or gravity or some shit like that to shoot arrows without using a bow string. Who cares WHY, he has an awesome stringless bow and he kicks ass!

Battlestone: Of Brigade is a guy who fought in World War II alongside an Atlantean Prince named Roman (which is definitely not Namor spelled backwards), and some other guys. He also got killed in the past and was brought back to life through Project: Born Again. They mention that he doesn't have super powers, yet somehow he throws people like ragdolls and punches through robots. Why does he do things? Because these things kick ass and that's what he does.

Prophet: He was built by Nazis, to fight some menace like a thousand years in the future WITH SWORDS. Also he gets his power to kick ass from some satellite and nearly dies when the thing was deactivated, but then it gets turned back on by a midget from the future named Kirby (who also had the power to kick ass, only he is short while he does it).

Cabbot: He is the leader of Bloodstrike. Like the rest of the team, he was killed and brought back to life by Project: Born Again. While everyone else had some sort of power (and in one case a giant robot) he's stuck just being able to kick ass.

Boone, Lethal, and Kayo: These three are members of Brigade (Battlestone's group) and they all seem to just kick people's ass for no discernible reason.

On top of those characters there is also every villain who has the power to kick ass just long enough to be a threat to who he's fighting but not long enough to actually win. Most of the time they're shady government guys or some other conspiracy group, but they share the undefined power of being "really good in a fight."

Also anyone that is a fan of shooting things should be playing Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2.