Everyone else is doing it (well not here anyway only Sonybone bothered) but here is my best of 2009.
VIDEOGAMES
I really didn't have much to pick from this year. I was unemployed for a good portion of the year so I didn't really have a chance to play as many new games as I would have liked. So out of the the games I did play (and really I loved the other contenders just as much as this game), Modern Warfare 2 was the best game for me. I love guns and explosions and this game has them in spades. Despite the community constantly trying to ruin everyone's play experience.
MOVIES
This one is actually a tie. It's between two remakes (which is kind of a surprise for me) but both were awesome.
Star Trek: I'm not a Trekkie, at all. For a brief time I was really into Deep Space Nine but that was it. The movie was great. It really shows that you don't have to shit on the source material to remake a franchise for current audiences. Everything that came before it was preserved and it has plenty of potential to grow. The casting was good, the acting was great, the special effects were great, and the story was engaging. It was just a really well rounded movie and it worked on every level.
Friday the 13th: This was the other remake that was great. This was the perfect Jason movie. The effects were completely excellent, it was bloody but not so much that it distracted with the ridiculousness of it. The guy playing Jason was great as well. For someone who doesn't show facial expressions or talk, he conveys a ton of emotion. This was important because Jason is the centerpiece of the movie. I really had no problems with any part of this movie.
TELEVISION
This is hard because there was some good TV and there was some bad tv. Jeez was there some bad TV. But there was a clear best for me.
Doctor Who: The Waters of Mars: This was the best thing I've ever seen on Television. The story was good, there is sentient (evil) water on Mars and it wants to get on Earth because it is a planet filled with water that it can infect. The Doctor (David Tennant who sadly leaves Doctor Who tomorrow) knows that everyone involved is going to die and that he can't change it. He faces this fact as well as his own curiosity about what happened to these people on Mars (who are famous). The ending was AMAZING, especially for someone who has been following the show since it restarted in 2005.
MUSIC
I didn't get any new music this year. Although I intended to get Kottonmouth Kings' "Green Album" and 311's "Uplifter" I just didn't get around to it.
BOOKS
I've been working on a backlog of books so I didn't get anything that came out in 2009. I don't really read that much anymore so I probably will never be current.
COMICS
Everything new that I read from the big companies was completely awful. I'm sure Dark Horse and Image put out some quality books but I've pretty much given up on today's comics so I wouldn't know. I did start buying Image comics from the startup (mostly the Wildstorm and Extreme Studios portions) and a few others (L.E.G.I.O.N. and X-Men 2099).
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
My Favorite Stuff From 2009
by SonnyBone
---------------------------------
Yo, suckaz. I see lots of talk about GAME OF THE YEAR and ALBUM OF THE YEAR and bla and bla. So... seeing as how I've played a ton of games and listened to a ton of music, I guess I should tell everyone what I enjoyed the most as if they give a crap.
SO HERE WE GO
The following are my top 10 games that were actually released in 2009 that I happened to particularly enjoy:
1) Punchout! (Wii)
2) Madworld (Wii)
3) Skate 2 (PS3)
4) Little King's Story (Wii)
5) Wii Sports Resort (Wii)
6) F.E.A.R. 2: Project Origin (PS3)
7) New Super Mario Brothers (Wii)
8) Fat Princess (PS3)
9) Muramasa: The Demon Blade (Wii)
10) Brutal Legend (PS3)
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Trash Panic (PS3)
A Boy And His Blob (Wii)
So I guess my vote for GAME OF THE YEAR 2009 goes to PUNCHOUT! I really don't need to explain why. It's the single greatest 'rebirth' of a classic game.
Madworld comes in at a VERY close second place. I had more fun with this game than almost anything else I can remember. Madworld is what No More Heroes TRIED to be: Fun from beginning to end with loads of style and humor.
Skate 2 was a phenomenal game from top to bottom, and Skate 3 will be one of the best games of 2010.
Little King's Story did NOT disappoint in what can only be described as: PIKMIN MEETS HARVEST MOON.
And fifth place goes to Wii Sports Resort, which totally floored me in ways I didn't expect. It was JUST AS FUN as the original Wii Sports, if not more.
----------------------------------------------
There are several other games that I played the hell out of this year... but they didn't actually release in 2009. Here's my top 3 games of the year that didn't actually come out this year.
1) Fallout 3 (PS3)
The release of DLC content on the PS3 platform extended the life of this game into 2010. That's amazing.
2) Saints Row 2 (PS3)
This is so much better than GTAIV that I can't even comprehend it. I am so incredibly excited for part 3.
3) Order Up! (Wii)
I got this game in mid 2008, and I STILL play it. It's easily one of the best Wii games to date.
---------------------------------------------
MUSIC!
Oh boy...
Overall, 2009 was a letdown for me in the world of music. Many of the albums I was looking forward to did NOT impress me at all. I was surprised, however, by two released that blew me away. In the end, I only have 2 top albums of the year because they stand head and shoulders above everything else I listened to.
1) "Act II: The Father Of Death" - The Protomen
This album contains more emotion than anything I've heard on the radio in the past decade... COMBINED. It's basically a rock opera about the origins of Doctor Light and Doctor Wily (from the Mega Man universe), and it's the best thing I've heard in YEARS. EASILY the album of the year, IMO.
2) "The Pariah, the Parrot, the Delusion" - Dredg
This is the greatest release from Dredg, and that's really saying something. They simply get better with age, and that's not always true in the world of music. This album moves me both lyrically and musically, which is all I really ask for in a band.
----------------------------------------------
So that's it. I'm not gonna link to anything or post any pictures or videos. If you give a shit, then you'll research this stuff yourself. If not, then why the hell did you read it?
See you suckaz in 2010!
BEWARE OF!
---------------------------------
Yo, suckaz. I see lots of talk about GAME OF THE YEAR and ALBUM OF THE YEAR and bla and bla. So... seeing as how I've played a ton of games and listened to a ton of music, I guess I should tell everyone what I enjoyed the most as if they give a crap.
SO HERE WE GO
The following are my top 10 games that were actually released in 2009 that I happened to particularly enjoy:
1) Punchout! (Wii)
2) Madworld (Wii)
3) Skate 2 (PS3)
4) Little King's Story (Wii)
5) Wii Sports Resort (Wii)
6) F.E.A.R. 2: Project Origin (PS3)
7) New Super Mario Brothers (Wii)
8) Fat Princess (PS3)
9) Muramasa: The Demon Blade (Wii)
10) Brutal Legend (PS3)
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Trash Panic (PS3)
A Boy And His Blob (Wii)
So I guess my vote for GAME OF THE YEAR 2009 goes to PUNCHOUT! I really don't need to explain why. It's the single greatest 'rebirth' of a classic game.
Madworld comes in at a VERY close second place. I had more fun with this game than almost anything else I can remember. Madworld is what No More Heroes TRIED to be: Fun from beginning to end with loads of style and humor.
Skate 2 was a phenomenal game from top to bottom, and Skate 3 will be one of the best games of 2010.
Little King's Story did NOT disappoint in what can only be described as: PIKMIN MEETS HARVEST MOON.
And fifth place goes to Wii Sports Resort, which totally floored me in ways I didn't expect. It was JUST AS FUN as the original Wii Sports, if not more.
----------------------------------------------
There are several other games that I played the hell out of this year... but they didn't actually release in 2009. Here's my top 3 games of the year that didn't actually come out this year.
1) Fallout 3 (PS3)
The release of DLC content on the PS3 platform extended the life of this game into 2010. That's amazing.
2) Saints Row 2 (PS3)
This is so much better than GTAIV that I can't even comprehend it. I am so incredibly excited for part 3.
3) Order Up! (Wii)
I got this game in mid 2008, and I STILL play it. It's easily one of the best Wii games to date.
---------------------------------------------
MUSIC!
Oh boy...
Overall, 2009 was a letdown for me in the world of music. Many of the albums I was looking forward to did NOT impress me at all. I was surprised, however, by two released that blew me away. In the end, I only have 2 top albums of the year because they stand head and shoulders above everything else I listened to.
1) "Act II: The Father Of Death" - The Protomen
This album contains more emotion than anything I've heard on the radio in the past decade... COMBINED. It's basically a rock opera about the origins of Doctor Light and Doctor Wily (from the Mega Man universe), and it's the best thing I've heard in YEARS. EASILY the album of the year, IMO.
2) "The Pariah, the Parrot, the Delusion" - Dredg
This is the greatest release from Dredg, and that's really saying something. They simply get better with age, and that's not always true in the world of music. This album moves me both lyrically and musically, which is all I really ask for in a band.
----------------------------------------------
So that's it. I'm not gonna link to anything or post any pictures or videos. If you give a shit, then you'll research this stuff yourself. If not, then why the hell did you read it?
See you suckaz in 2010!
BEWARE OF!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
TheDenizen talks End of the World
Hello again, ninja dudes.
Gonna change gears this entry and talk about something other than ninjas for once. Today it's all about the Apocalypse, or more specifically, Post-Apocalypse. We all know that Mad Max was fucking awesome, and Road Warrior was even better (let's just pretend that Thunderdome never happened, ok?), and they were both very influential. Since Mad Max movies were relatively cheap to produce and made a shit-ton of money, it was only natural that million crappy knockoffs with tough dudes kicking ass in the wasteland would flood the market shortly thereafter.
And flood the market they did. Italy, Spain and the Philippines started cranking out these shitburgers like there was no tomorrow. Universally cheap and rushed, these flicks are a gold mine for the connoisseur of celluloid abortions like myself. Let's examine a small handful of examples from the Post Apocalypse genre.
2020: Texas Gladiators (1982) - This flick is about a group of 5 Rangers who travel around a post-nuclear war Texas meting out justice in a lawless land. It starts out with an incredible assault on a wasteland church by a horde of slavering mutants (well, guys with green paint on their faces). They crucify the priest, and gangrape one of the nuns while another nun desperately slashes her own throat with a shard of glass to avoid the same fate. The Rangers show up, fill the church with smoke bombs and then use shotguns and machetes to slaughter every single mutant as they run out. Sweet. Sadly the rest of the film doesn't quite live up to the opening, as one of the Rangers goes rogue right away and another quits to join up with a group of civilians trying to defend and repair a factory/refinery. A group of evil bikers led by the rogue Ranger eventually show up and massacre/enslave the civilians, and the remaining 3 Rangers are left to exact bloody revenge. Not bad, but it does drag through the middle a bit. Tons of squibs.
The New Barbarians (1982) - This Z-grade Italian flick is brutal. As in brutally bad. I'm going to spoil the shit out of it here, so if you don't wanna know, skip ahead. After a nuclear holocaust, an evil gang of homosexual bikers dressed as Stormtroopers and calling themselves "The Templars" are on a mission to exterminate the few remaining humans. Into the mix comes Scorpion, an Italian Mad Max wannabe with a badass car and a score to settle with the Templars. He gets captured and RAPED by the Templars, but then gets saved by Fred Fucking Williamson, who chews up the low budget scenery as an invincible archer. They team up and wipe out the Templars in a protracted and ridiculous scene full of guns that go "pew pew". The End. There, I just saved you an hour and a half of corny dialog and awful slow-mo action scenes (and male rape).
Stryker (1983) - They obviously had a bit of a budget for this one, since they had real tanks and an actual Interceptor just like Mad Max's but they must've spent all their money there. The "story" is some ridiculous twaddle about finding a new fresh water source in the aftermath of a nuclear war, but really it's just 90 minutes of bad actors staggering about a gravel pit shooting at each other. They're killing each other over a few drops of water, but no one ever mentions where all the gas for their dozens of vehicles comes from. I had to go back and rewatch several parts because I could barely stay awake during this snooze-fest.
The Warrior and the Princess (1984) - This chunk of schlock is essentially a remake of Yojimbo/Fistful of Dollars in a nuclear wasteland setting with David Carradine in the lead role. Carradine is a warrior monk (shocker) who wanders into a dirty little town controlled by two rival factions, both vying for control of the only well in the area. Unbelievably cheap and cheesy, but it does have a mutant chick with four tits.
Recently Post Apocalypse films are back in vogue, with Hollywood throwing some real money at the productions. Current examples of the type include the excellent Children of Men, The Road, and the upcoming Book of Eli with Denzel Washington fucking people up with a machete. Lookin forward to that one.
Also, at some point in the new year, the HeadNinja and myself are planning to post a special review of "Escape from the Bronx", another Italian Post Apocalypse monstrosity. Don't miss it.
Gonna change gears this entry and talk about something other than ninjas for once. Today it's all about the Apocalypse, or more specifically, Post-Apocalypse. We all know that Mad Max was fucking awesome, and Road Warrior was even better (let's just pretend that Thunderdome never happened, ok?), and they were both very influential. Since Mad Max movies were relatively cheap to produce and made a shit-ton of money, it was only natural that million crappy knockoffs with tough dudes kicking ass in the wasteland would flood the market shortly thereafter.
And flood the market they did. Italy, Spain and the Philippines started cranking out these shitburgers like there was no tomorrow. Universally cheap and rushed, these flicks are a gold mine for the connoisseur of celluloid abortions like myself. Let's examine a small handful of examples from the Post Apocalypse genre.
2020: Texas Gladiators (1982) - This flick is about a group of 5 Rangers who travel around a post-nuclear war Texas meting out justice in a lawless land. It starts out with an incredible assault on a wasteland church by a horde of slavering mutants (well, guys with green paint on their faces). They crucify the priest, and gangrape one of the nuns while another nun desperately slashes her own throat with a shard of glass to avoid the same fate. The Rangers show up, fill the church with smoke bombs and then use shotguns and machetes to slaughter every single mutant as they run out. Sweet. Sadly the rest of the film doesn't quite live up to the opening, as one of the Rangers goes rogue right away and another quits to join up with a group of civilians trying to defend and repair a factory/refinery. A group of evil bikers led by the rogue Ranger eventually show up and massacre/enslave the civilians, and the remaining 3 Rangers are left to exact bloody revenge. Not bad, but it does drag through the middle a bit. Tons of squibs.
The New Barbarians (1982) - This Z-grade Italian flick is brutal. As in brutally bad. I'm going to spoil the shit out of it here, so if you don't wanna know, skip ahead. After a nuclear holocaust, an evil gang of homosexual bikers dressed as Stormtroopers and calling themselves "The Templars" are on a mission to exterminate the few remaining humans. Into the mix comes Scorpion, an Italian Mad Max wannabe with a badass car and a score to settle with the Templars. He gets captured and RAPED by the Templars, but then gets saved by Fred Fucking Williamson, who chews up the low budget scenery as an invincible archer. They team up and wipe out the Templars in a protracted and ridiculous scene full of guns that go "pew pew". The End. There, I just saved you an hour and a half of corny dialog and awful slow-mo action scenes (and male rape).
Stryker (1983) - They obviously had a bit of a budget for this one, since they had real tanks and an actual Interceptor just like Mad Max's but they must've spent all their money there. The "story" is some ridiculous twaddle about finding a new fresh water source in the aftermath of a nuclear war, but really it's just 90 minutes of bad actors staggering about a gravel pit shooting at each other. They're killing each other over a few drops of water, but no one ever mentions where all the gas for their dozens of vehicles comes from. I had to go back and rewatch several parts because I could barely stay awake during this snooze-fest.
The Warrior and the Princess (1984) - This chunk of schlock is essentially a remake of Yojimbo/Fistful of Dollars in a nuclear wasteland setting with David Carradine in the lead role. Carradine is a warrior monk (shocker) who wanders into a dirty little town controlled by two rival factions, both vying for control of the only well in the area. Unbelievably cheap and cheesy, but it does have a mutant chick with four tits.
Recently Post Apocalypse films are back in vogue, with Hollywood throwing some real money at the productions. Current examples of the type include the excellent Children of Men, The Road, and the upcoming Book of Eli with Denzel Washington fucking people up with a machete. Lookin forward to that one.
Also, at some point in the new year, the HeadNinja and myself are planning to post a special review of "Escape from the Bronx", another Italian Post Apocalypse monstrosity. Don't miss it.
COALPLEX
WELL WELL WELL
It's Christmas time, you sniveling little shits, so let's get down to the nitty gritty. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
I'M PISSED NOW
Fuck a Christmas goose.
And I don't mean sexually.
We're talking bout some fine cuisine.
YEAH
YOU KNOW I'M TALKIN BOUT FILLET MIGNON
Man, Ray Fillet was such a shitty character. Why did they add him to the show? I mean, Napoleon Bonafrog was bad enough... but RAY FUCKIN FILLET? Eat my feces.
YOUR T SHIRTS ARE TOO TIGHT, TOO, BILLY!
It's Christmas time, you sniveling little shits, so let's get down to the nitty gritty. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
I'M PISSED NOW
Fuck a Christmas goose.
And I don't mean sexually.
We're talking bout some fine cuisine.
YEAH
YOU KNOW I'M TALKIN BOUT FILLET MIGNON
Man, Ray Fillet was such a shitty character. Why did they add him to the show? I mean, Napoleon Bonafrog was bad enough... but RAY FUCKIN FILLET? Eat my feces.
YOUR T SHIRTS ARE TOO TIGHT, TOO, BILLY!
Monday, December 21, 2009
Calling all KBN contributors...
On orders from the Highest Ninjitsu Practitioner, I'll be making (among other things) new header and sidebar graphics for the KBN Productions blog.
And now the audience-participation portion: I'll need some suggestions from you guys on what to incorporate into them (besides a ninja and a lucha and probably a Bad Dudes title screen). Of course, Troma's decisions are final here, but I'll be seeing what you guys are capable of suggesting...for better or worse. :)
And now the audience-participation portion: I'll need some suggestions from you guys on what to incorporate into them (besides a ninja and a lucha and probably a Bad Dudes title screen). Of course, Troma's decisions are final here, but I'll be seeing what you guys are capable of suggesting...for better or worse. :)
Of Rats and Chucks
Growing up, I fucking loved me some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Thing is, shit was confusing, man. Shit was so...conflicted.
Most of us were probably introduced to TMNT through the cartoon. I happened to be introduced through the toys- I had bought Michelangelo from the very first wave of figures, because I loved nunchaku(hey, I'll accept nunchucks, but if you say numbchucks you're a fucking idiot) ever since I saw Bruce Lee use them, and they'd make pretty much any toy that used them an instant purchase(Though I never had Panthro-I wasn't into the Thundercats toys despite liking the cartoon).
Now, nunchuku are illegal to carry in my home state of California, and you can't even ship them to a lot of states in the US, but this is nothing compared to the European treatment of the weapon. In a market where you weren't even allowed to say the word "ninja"(fucking TEENAGE MUTANT HERO TURTLES? Give me a break.), Mikey's weapons were edited out of the TV show and some of the releases of the live action film.
So we still got the chucks, no problem, man. Well, eventually, they caved in to pressure and TOOK MIKEY'S WEAPONS AWAY. Some of you might remember the first syndicated cartoon the most, but it eventually moved onto CBS, with a slightly different design...and Mikey had a fucking grappling hook as a weapon.
I was so pissed, you guys. It was fucking bullshit.
I couldn't get into the show at that point. I had to stop watching. They killed my favorite character.
Enter THE NEXT MUTATION. Okay, this show sucked pretty bad, unleashing the abomination of VENUS DE MILO, THE FEMALE TURTLE onto the world. And they crossed over with Power Rangers and didn't totally kick their asses, which is basically doing a job to them because THEY'RE THE FUCKING NINJA TURTLES DUDE, they could fight Krang when his robot body grew to Godzilla height and WIN, so fuck a Megazord. My anger is guiding me away from the real issue here- they took away Mikey's chucks again. Motherfucker got saddled with TONFA.
Okay, nunchaku are fucking awesome, man. Tonfa are a fucking NIGHTSTICK. I couldn't even lie to myself and say "Man, maybe Mikey loves the Big Boss Man as much as you do." It wasn't working. I had to not watch, again.
At least the new cartoon fixed that shit.
While this inconsistancy existed, at least it happened as a progression. Mikey lost the chucks, get over it(like anyone could) or stop watching(EXACTLY). The treatment of the origins of Master Splinter were fucking MIND BOGGLING to kids.
In the toyline, and the cartoon, which most of us considered gospel, Splinter was a normal dude named Hamada Yoshi that got turned into a rat when he was hit with the same mutagen that turned the turtles into Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Since the turtles were last in contact with Splinter, they became like people. Since Splinter was handling rats right before he was splashed, he became a rat man.
Then, the cinematic event of the century(as far as we were concerned) happened. The LIVE ACTION TMNT MOVIE!
And man, not only were fucking Bebop and Rocksteady not in it, and NO KRANG, but Splinter was a rat first that got mutated. Many a schoolyard conversation revolved around the movie being good and everything, but that stuff being fucking bullshit.
Little did we know that it was the original origin of Splinter in the Eastman and Laird comics, that none of us could read because collectors were selling them for $100 a pop. The cartoon went and changed everything, and since it was what we were exposed to, we all thought the movie was wrong.
But was it? I'm going to go with yes on this. I mean, it makes sense that the mutagen would make a rat man like it made turtle teens, but it also meant that ninjas had pet rats that would watch them train and mimic their movements, and swear revenge when their master is murdered. All pre-mutation, mind you.
But the cartoon origin...that shit was tragic. Splinter was a dude, and became a rat. It was bad enough that he was homeless and living in a sewer, he mutated into an animal that would make the shit smell even MORE powerful due to heightened animal senses. Turtles live swimming in their own shit anyway, so they don't matter. We had hope that Splinter would become human once again, because he was human once, and lived the life of a normal guy until fate kicked him in the balls. Nobody wanted to see the turtles de-mutate into regular turtles again, but Splinter becoming human was even the ending in some of the great and not-so great Turtles video games we grew up playing.
HOW DID WE WRAP OUR HEADS AROUND THIS STUFF?
--HeadNinja Tromataker
Thing is, shit was confusing, man. Shit was so...conflicted.
Most of us were probably introduced to TMNT through the cartoon. I happened to be introduced through the toys- I had bought Michelangelo from the very first wave of figures, because I loved nunchaku(hey, I'll accept nunchucks, but if you say numbchucks you're a fucking idiot) ever since I saw Bruce Lee use them, and they'd make pretty much any toy that used them an instant purchase(Though I never had Panthro-I wasn't into the Thundercats toys despite liking the cartoon).
Now, nunchuku are illegal to carry in my home state of California, and you can't even ship them to a lot of states in the US, but this is nothing compared to the European treatment of the weapon. In a market where you weren't even allowed to say the word "ninja"(fucking TEENAGE MUTANT HERO TURTLES? Give me a break.), Mikey's weapons were edited out of the TV show and some of the releases of the live action film.
So we still got the chucks, no problem, man. Well, eventually, they caved in to pressure and TOOK MIKEY'S WEAPONS AWAY. Some of you might remember the first syndicated cartoon the most, but it eventually moved onto CBS, with a slightly different design...and Mikey had a fucking grappling hook as a weapon.
I was so pissed, you guys. It was fucking bullshit.
I couldn't get into the show at that point. I had to stop watching. They killed my favorite character.
Enter THE NEXT MUTATION. Okay, this show sucked pretty bad, unleashing the abomination of VENUS DE MILO, THE FEMALE TURTLE onto the world. And they crossed over with Power Rangers and didn't totally kick their asses, which is basically doing a job to them because THEY'RE THE FUCKING NINJA TURTLES DUDE, they could fight Krang when his robot body grew to Godzilla height and WIN, so fuck a Megazord. My anger is guiding me away from the real issue here- they took away Mikey's chucks again. Motherfucker got saddled with TONFA.
Okay, nunchaku are fucking awesome, man. Tonfa are a fucking NIGHTSTICK. I couldn't even lie to myself and say "Man, maybe Mikey loves the Big Boss Man as much as you do." It wasn't working. I had to not watch, again.
At least the new cartoon fixed that shit.
While this inconsistancy existed, at least it happened as a progression. Mikey lost the chucks, get over it(like anyone could) or stop watching(EXACTLY). The treatment of the origins of Master Splinter were fucking MIND BOGGLING to kids.
In the toyline, and the cartoon, which most of us considered gospel, Splinter was a normal dude named Hamada Yoshi that got turned into a rat when he was hit with the same mutagen that turned the turtles into Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Since the turtles were last in contact with Splinter, they became like people. Since Splinter was handling rats right before he was splashed, he became a rat man.
Then, the cinematic event of the century(as far as we were concerned) happened. The LIVE ACTION TMNT MOVIE!
And man, not only were fucking Bebop and Rocksteady not in it, and NO KRANG, but Splinter was a rat first that got mutated. Many a schoolyard conversation revolved around the movie being good and everything, but that stuff being fucking bullshit.
Little did we know that it was the original origin of Splinter in the Eastman and Laird comics, that none of us could read because collectors were selling them for $100 a pop. The cartoon went and changed everything, and since it was what we were exposed to, we all thought the movie was wrong.
But was it? I'm going to go with yes on this. I mean, it makes sense that the mutagen would make a rat man like it made turtle teens, but it also meant that ninjas had pet rats that would watch them train and mimic their movements, and swear revenge when their master is murdered. All pre-mutation, mind you.
But the cartoon origin...that shit was tragic. Splinter was a dude, and became a rat. It was bad enough that he was homeless and living in a sewer, he mutated into an animal that would make the shit smell even MORE powerful due to heightened animal senses. Turtles live swimming in their own shit anyway, so they don't matter. We had hope that Splinter would become human once again, because he was human once, and lived the life of a normal guy until fate kicked him in the balls. Nobody wanted to see the turtles de-mutate into regular turtles again, but Splinter becoming human was even the ending in some of the great and not-so great Turtles video games we grew up playing.
HOW DID WE WRAP OUR HEADS AROUND THIS STUFF?
--HeadNinja Tromataker
Monday, December 14, 2009
It's Christmas
So I am doing a good deed this year for Christmas.
I just gave 75 canned goods to our local pantry, I also gave 10 books to a book drive, a pair of shoes to a shoe drive, and five toys for children ages 2-4 in a toy drive.
I'm officially broke, but I actually feel better for this.
I urge all KBNinja readers and contributors to do something nice. It doesn't have to be to the magnitude that I gave, but after working with kids for awhile now I see many situations where some people honestly have nothing.
Takes 20 minutes, and is totally worth it.
WD
I just gave 75 canned goods to our local pantry, I also gave 10 books to a book drive, a pair of shoes to a shoe drive, and five toys for children ages 2-4 in a toy drive.
I'm officially broke, but I actually feel better for this.
I urge all KBNinja readers and contributors to do something nice. It doesn't have to be to the magnitude that I gave, but after working with kids for awhile now I see many situations where some people honestly have nothing.
Takes 20 minutes, and is totally worth it.
WD
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Food, Dranks, and Games
ALL ROLLED INTO ONE POST!
First!
IRIE two weeks ago. Had the Bacon Wrapped SHRIMP, cheese grits, and home fries.
The pic looks good enough to eat again! It was all cooked amazing, and tasted great.
SECOND!
AJAX, HOME OF THE GREATEST VEGGIE PLATE IN MISSISSIPPI, and probably the world.
I didn't snap a photo of the food, but I do have one of myself drankin' a long island ice tea!
The food was also great.
FINALLY!
WORDS WITH FRIENDS RULES! IF YOU HAVE AN IPHONE, YOU MUST HAVE THIS APP!
That ends my post. I will kick your ass in a spelling game if you want to play.
First!
IRIE two weeks ago. Had the Bacon Wrapped SHRIMP, cheese grits, and home fries.
The pic looks good enough to eat again! It was all cooked amazing, and tasted great.
SECOND!
AJAX, HOME OF THE GREATEST VEGGIE PLATE IN MISSISSIPPI, and probably the world.
I didn't snap a photo of the food, but I do have one of myself drankin' a long island ice tea!
The food was also great.
FINALLY!
WORDS WITH FRIENDS RULES! IF YOU HAVE AN IPHONE, YOU MUST HAVE THIS APP!
That ends my post. I will kick your ass in a spelling game if you want to play.
Lucha Review- UWA Solo Clasicos Vol. 1
This is the first review in a series I'm going to be doing on this set of UWA discs that were recently made available to the US trading circle from a Mexican dealer. A huge thanks goes to secondcoming for organizing the buy, and making it happen so quickly. The bulk of these matches appear to take place in 1990-1991, with a handful of matches from the 70s and 80s that are dated. These discs are not complete shows, but compilations. I can't tell yet if they're in chronological order, but hopefully things will start to clear up once we get a few discs in. There are various title, mask, and hair matches on the set, so we will be able to date any title changes, or losses of masks or hair with the information provided at the fantastic LuchaWiki site. I am in no way an expert on Lucha Libre style or history, so this will be a learning experience for all of us. We've got a lot of discs to cover, here's Vol. 1.
UWA SÓLO CLÁSICOS VOL. 1
1. Ninja Sasuke/El Matematico Jr. Vs Rudy Reyna/Cassandro
We start out with young Great Sasuke teaming up with El Matematico Jr against what I believe is known as Los Exoticos, Rudy Reyna and Cassandro. Reyna and Cassandro work the gender bending gimmick perfectly, crowd pops big when Reyna kisses Matematico in the 2nd fall. I was a bit taken away by how comedic the crowd treats the gimmick, the flamboyant acts would have still been drawing good heat in the States at this time. Young Sasuke is really on in this match, hitting a 2nd rope moonsault and a few nice planchas. He works the trademark kicks in, ending with a particularly stiff spinning back kick to the chin of Cassandro. The finish was a bit too premeditated, but the 5 awkward seconds spent setting it up was about the only negative mark on the match. A very good match, actually a good bit better than I expected to start off with.
2. Los Espantos IV & V vs Las Estrellas Blancas Sr. & Jr.
Los Espantos y Las Estrellas wear identical tights and masks, making it way too tough tell who's who on either team. Villanos IV y V had it right with the numbered tights. Los Espantos were really impressive in this one. They are sons of Los Espantos III, from the original Espantos team of the 50s. One of the Espantos uses a fan's bell to do some work on one of the Estrellas, when the Estrella tries to retrieve the bell to retaliate the fan shoves it under his chair. Though rudos, the crowd is really into the Espantos. Two great back to back dives from both sides. Both dives took place directly to the left of a nice healthy lady, who appears to have an orgasm with each one. Chicks dig the topes. Los Espantos do enough innovative double team moves to send a ROH crowd into a frenzy. Another solid match.
3. Scorpio Sr & Jr vs Transformer / Celestial
Not quite as exciting as the first 2 matches. Transformer has some great entrance attire though.
4. Dr. Wagner Jr./Espanto Jr. vs Celestial / Coloso
Espanto Jr and Celestial start us off with some back and forth ground work. Espanto Jr has great facial expressions, something that tends to stand out when you watch lucha, with all the masks and what not. Espanto Jr was not a an actual family member of the original Espantos, but was given permission to use the name by Espanto II. Jr would later go on to be the original Pentagon, before a tragic near death experience ended his career in the mid 90s. Wagner Jr heels it up well. There's something about a great heel wearing all white that really seems to get to the crowd. Coloso launches Celestial high into the air and to the floor on Espanto for the biggest plancha thus far. Coloso follows it up with a decent little tope of his own. Coloso really didnt do much in the first 2 falls, but comes with some unexpected acrobatics in the 3rd. He's built like Mil Mascaras, but certainly moves a bit better. Wagner delivers the first low blow of the disc, and the rudo ref declares it a head butt to the abdomen. Coloso really sells the nut shot, and the heat piles onto Wagner. All 4 men really picked up the pace for the 3rd fall, with a few nice little spots that lead into the finish. This match is solid, this set is looking really promising.
5. The Killer/ Bull Pain / Zandokan vs Enrique Vera/Silver King / El Texano
Shit. Bull Pain? There really is some variety in this set. Someone stole a pink Macho Man jacket and is parading around the outside with the rudos. Zandokan is another guy who has great facial expressions. Zandokan takes a kick to the mid section from Vera, and sells the shit out of a nut shot. The rudo ref started to raise his hand, but the technico ref is having none of that jazz. Nothing too special here, but Zandokan is a fun rudo to watch, and its always nice to see Silver King and El Texano.
6. Fishman/ The Killer / Tigre Canadiense vs Gran Hamada/Silver King/Transformer
Young Hart Dungeon graduate Mike Lozansky is wrestling here as Tigre Canadiense, and he was also trained a bit by Bad News Allen. He's maskless, so this match is sometime shortly after October of 1991. Macho Man jacket man is back in the Rudo corner, with another fly jacket. Fishman definitely does not bang the Gran Hamada set, and he takes a cheap shot every chance he gets. He doesnt even have to be the legal man. If Hamada is slippin, Fishman is looking to get a shot in. Tigre comes out looking decent, with a nice little spot with Silver King. He then awkwardly climbs to the 2nd rope, and drops back into the weirdest looking elbow Ive ever seen. It wasnt the greatest match, but not bad.
7. Babe Face/Negro Casas/Dr. Wagner Jr vs El Hijo del Santo/Gran Hamada/El Solar I
This line up has potential. Wagner Jr and Solar set a great pace to start the match. Fast enough to catch your attention, but not so fast that they cant kick into a higher gear later on. Negro Casas really delivers as a rudo, his charisma is incredible. I got a good laugh when Wagner Jr completely no sold a Hamada submission break up attempt. He just keeps stretching Solar as the ref moves Hamada out of the ring, never turning his head to acknowledge that Hamada was there. When Wag wants to stretch someone, he's gonna stretch someone. Hamada probably shouldn't have tried it anyway, with only a few minutes left in the match Wagner Jr was working to a nice little hot tag from Solar to Hijo del Santo. The crowd eats up the finish. El Hijo del Santo finished Negro Casas off with a belly to belly suplex, hooking the head and leg for the pin. Santo holds on after the fall, wrenching Casas' neck and roughing him up a bit. I'll be looking forward to future encounters between the two. A bit shorter than I would have liked to see from the final match, but another good one.
Overall this was a fun watch. The final match delivered with the names, but match 4 is the stand out. The team of Dr Wagner Jr and Espanto Jr is great, I hope to see more from them in this set. Here's the matchlist for the next disc, we get our first taste of Bad News Allen in Mexico, as well as Bam Bam. This set also features what I believe is the last series of matches that Andre the Giant wrestled. Unfortunately, or fortunately, the match where he shits on Bad News doesn't appear to be on the set. I'm excited to see Negro Casas and Espanto Jr teaming up, two rudos with great skill and charisma.
UWA SÓLO CLASICOS VOL. 2
1. El Solar I/ El Celestial vs El Engendro/Kahoz
2. Negro Casas/El Espanto Jr vs Super Pinocho/El Halcon
3. Enrique Vera / El Psicodelico vs The Killer / American Eagle
4. Mil Mascaras/El Canek/Villano III vs Bad News Allen/Phill Lafon/Doug Furnas
5. El Texano/Silver King vs El Indomito/El Engendro
6. Enrique Vera / Dos Caras/ Villano III vs Gaint Warrior/Rambo/Bull Pain
7. Los Villanos vs Los Misinoneros de la Muerte
8. Andre The Gaint/Bam Bam Bigelow/Rambo vs El Canek/Los Villanos
I just previewed the disc, sadly there is a bit of pixelation and the ratio is off. Gonna be a tough watch, but I'll see what I can do.
UWA SÓLO CLÁSICOS VOL. 1
1. Ninja Sasuke/El Matematico Jr. Vs Rudy Reyna/Cassandro
We start out with young Great Sasuke teaming up with El Matematico Jr against what I believe is known as Los Exoticos, Rudy Reyna and Cassandro. Reyna and Cassandro work the gender bending gimmick perfectly, crowd pops big when Reyna kisses Matematico in the 2nd fall. I was a bit taken away by how comedic the crowd treats the gimmick, the flamboyant acts would have still been drawing good heat in the States at this time. Young Sasuke is really on in this match, hitting a 2nd rope moonsault and a few nice planchas. He works the trademark kicks in, ending with a particularly stiff spinning back kick to the chin of Cassandro. The finish was a bit too premeditated, but the 5 awkward seconds spent setting it up was about the only negative mark on the match. A very good match, actually a good bit better than I expected to start off with.
2. Los Espantos IV & V vs Las Estrellas Blancas Sr. & Jr.
Los Espantos y Las Estrellas wear identical tights and masks, making it way too tough tell who's who on either team. Villanos IV y V had it right with the numbered tights. Los Espantos were really impressive in this one. They are sons of Los Espantos III, from the original Espantos team of the 50s. One of the Espantos uses a fan's bell to do some work on one of the Estrellas, when the Estrella tries to retrieve the bell to retaliate the fan shoves it under his chair. Though rudos, the crowd is really into the Espantos. Two great back to back dives from both sides. Both dives took place directly to the left of a nice healthy lady, who appears to have an orgasm with each one. Chicks dig the topes. Los Espantos do enough innovative double team moves to send a ROH crowd into a frenzy. Another solid match.
3. Scorpio Sr & Jr vs Transformer / Celestial
Not quite as exciting as the first 2 matches. Transformer has some great entrance attire though.
4. Dr. Wagner Jr./Espanto Jr. vs Celestial / Coloso
Espanto Jr and Celestial start us off with some back and forth ground work. Espanto Jr has great facial expressions, something that tends to stand out when you watch lucha, with all the masks and what not. Espanto Jr was not a an actual family member of the original Espantos, but was given permission to use the name by Espanto II. Jr would later go on to be the original Pentagon, before a tragic near death experience ended his career in the mid 90s. Wagner Jr heels it up well. There's something about a great heel wearing all white that really seems to get to the crowd. Coloso launches Celestial high into the air and to the floor on Espanto for the biggest plancha thus far. Coloso follows it up with a decent little tope of his own. Coloso really didnt do much in the first 2 falls, but comes with some unexpected acrobatics in the 3rd. He's built like Mil Mascaras, but certainly moves a bit better. Wagner delivers the first low blow of the disc, and the rudo ref declares it a head butt to the abdomen. Coloso really sells the nut shot, and the heat piles onto Wagner. All 4 men really picked up the pace for the 3rd fall, with a few nice little spots that lead into the finish. This match is solid, this set is looking really promising.
5. The Killer/ Bull Pain / Zandokan vs Enrique Vera/Silver King / El Texano
Shit. Bull Pain? There really is some variety in this set. Someone stole a pink Macho Man jacket and is parading around the outside with the rudos. Zandokan is another guy who has great facial expressions. Zandokan takes a kick to the mid section from Vera, and sells the shit out of a nut shot. The rudo ref started to raise his hand, but the technico ref is having none of that jazz. Nothing too special here, but Zandokan is a fun rudo to watch, and its always nice to see Silver King and El Texano.
6. Fishman/ The Killer / Tigre Canadiense vs Gran Hamada/Silver King/Transformer
Young Hart Dungeon graduate Mike Lozansky is wrestling here as Tigre Canadiense, and he was also trained a bit by Bad News Allen. He's maskless, so this match is sometime shortly after October of 1991. Macho Man jacket man is back in the Rudo corner, with another fly jacket. Fishman definitely does not bang the Gran Hamada set, and he takes a cheap shot every chance he gets. He doesnt even have to be the legal man. If Hamada is slippin, Fishman is looking to get a shot in. Tigre comes out looking decent, with a nice little spot with Silver King. He then awkwardly climbs to the 2nd rope, and drops back into the weirdest looking elbow Ive ever seen. It wasnt the greatest match, but not bad.
7. Babe Face/Negro Casas/Dr. Wagner Jr vs El Hijo del Santo/Gran Hamada/El Solar I
This line up has potential. Wagner Jr and Solar set a great pace to start the match. Fast enough to catch your attention, but not so fast that they cant kick into a higher gear later on. Negro Casas really delivers as a rudo, his charisma is incredible. I got a good laugh when Wagner Jr completely no sold a Hamada submission break up attempt. He just keeps stretching Solar as the ref moves Hamada out of the ring, never turning his head to acknowledge that Hamada was there. When Wag wants to stretch someone, he's gonna stretch someone. Hamada probably shouldn't have tried it anyway, with only a few minutes left in the match Wagner Jr was working to a nice little hot tag from Solar to Hijo del Santo. The crowd eats up the finish. El Hijo del Santo finished Negro Casas off with a belly to belly suplex, hooking the head and leg for the pin. Santo holds on after the fall, wrenching Casas' neck and roughing him up a bit. I'll be looking forward to future encounters between the two. A bit shorter than I would have liked to see from the final match, but another good one.
Overall this was a fun watch. The final match delivered with the names, but match 4 is the stand out. The team of Dr Wagner Jr and Espanto Jr is great, I hope to see more from them in this set. Here's the matchlist for the next disc, we get our first taste of Bad News Allen in Mexico, as well as Bam Bam. This set also features what I believe is the last series of matches that Andre the Giant wrestled. Unfortunately, or fortunately, the match where he shits on Bad News doesn't appear to be on the set. I'm excited to see Negro Casas and Espanto Jr teaming up, two rudos with great skill and charisma.
UWA SÓLO CLASICOS VOL. 2
1. El Solar I/ El Celestial vs El Engendro/Kahoz
2. Negro Casas/El Espanto Jr vs Super Pinocho/El Halcon
3. Enrique Vera / El Psicodelico vs The Killer / American Eagle
4. Mil Mascaras/El Canek/Villano III vs Bad News Allen/Phill Lafon/Doug Furnas
5. El Texano/Silver King vs El Indomito/El Engendro
6. Enrique Vera / Dos Caras/ Villano III vs Gaint Warrior/Rambo/Bull Pain
7. Los Villanos vs Los Misinoneros de la Muerte
8. Andre The Gaint/Bam Bam Bigelow/Rambo vs El Canek/Los Villanos
I just previewed the disc, sadly there is a bit of pixelation and the ratio is off. Gonna be a tough watch, but I'll see what I can do.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Ludum Dare 16 is officially underway
HERE WE GO.
The theme for LD16 is:
EXPLORATION
My suggestion missed out the number one spot by 10 votes.
:(
Go ahead and toss some ideas around. It might help me out a bit. YA NEVA KNOW.
Here's what I'm eating right now:
MUY BUENO ROLL
And here's my LD activity stream:
ME AND STUFF
Follow along... or don't. I'm off to do some damn work, suckaz.
The theme for LD16 is:
EXPLORATION
My suggestion missed out the number one spot by 10 votes.
:(
Go ahead and toss some ideas around. It might help me out a bit. YA NEVA KNOW.
Here's what I'm eating right now:
MUY BUENO ROLL
And here's my LD activity stream:
ME AND STUFF
Follow along... or don't. I'm off to do some damn work, suckaz.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
ZOMG!!!(NOT THE WEBSITE!)
What is up d00ds?
I sit here today as, well I am drunk, an individual who is completely happy.
I don't plan to leave my home. I am really feeling it though. We started the party early here in partytown USA! aka Oxford, MS. Hard to believe that one of the top party places in the world is in Mississippi. Anyway, it's true. We started the morning off with a great assortment of screwdrivers, mimosas, and bloody mary's. I have since moved on to...Orange Batman. Yeah you read that right. I am basically living the high life.
I am anxiously awaiting this soup I have been cooking all day to finish. It's a lobster bisque. It's cold, it's soup weather. We're partying in souptown. I plan to throwdown with Bobby Flay later.
OH, I almost forgot. I am drinking my Orange Batman out of this:
Yeah remember these glasses? Well I still have that one. I drink dranks out of it.
I just want to plug some cool stuff quickly, mainly books since I haven't gone out to eat in awhile.
Sky Maul: Happy Crap You Can buy from a Plane
I got this book on blackfriday for 4 bucks. It made me laugh a lot yesterday. It's a lot of fictional shit, but it's also funny. I enjoyed the Bird Zapper the most. It's like a bug zapper you hang outside at night, but big enough for birds!
The Areas of My Expertise by John Hodgman
You may know him from the Mac commercials, but I met him on his book tour for this book at Thacker Mountain Radio. Instead of doing the typical reading, he and Jack Pendarvis(another writer who's also a funny guy), led the crowd in song for 15 minutes.
Finally I leave you with: Breece Pancake
This guy is probably my favorite writer of all time. That is his collected works, as he died at a young age. This guy would be bigger than Faulkner, McCarthy, Hemingway. All those dudes that are famous for this style of writing, had he just lived a little longer. Guy is greatness.
<3 WackyDeli
I sit here today as, well I am drunk, an individual who is completely happy.
I don't plan to leave my home. I am really feeling it though. We started the party early here in partytown USA! aka Oxford, MS. Hard to believe that one of the top party places in the world is in Mississippi. Anyway, it's true. We started the morning off with a great assortment of screwdrivers, mimosas, and bloody mary's. I have since moved on to...Orange Batman. Yeah you read that right. I am basically living the high life.
I am anxiously awaiting this soup I have been cooking all day to finish. It's a lobster bisque. It's cold, it's soup weather. We're partying in souptown. I plan to throwdown with Bobby Flay later.
OH, I almost forgot. I am drinking my Orange Batman out of this:
Yeah remember these glasses? Well I still have that one. I drink dranks out of it.
I just want to plug some cool stuff quickly, mainly books since I haven't gone out to eat in awhile.
Sky Maul: Happy Crap You Can buy from a Plane
I got this book on blackfriday for 4 bucks. It made me laugh a lot yesterday. It's a lot of fictional shit, but it's also funny. I enjoyed the Bird Zapper the most. It's like a bug zapper you hang outside at night, but big enough for birds!
The Areas of My Expertise by John Hodgman
You may know him from the Mac commercials, but I met him on his book tour for this book at Thacker Mountain Radio. Instead of doing the typical reading, he and Jack Pendarvis(another writer who's also a funny guy), led the crowd in song for 15 minutes.
Finally I leave you with: Breece Pancake
This guy is probably my favorite writer of all time. That is his collected works, as he died at a young age. This guy would be bigger than Faulkner, McCarthy, Hemingway. All those dudes that are famous for this style of writing, had he just lived a little longer. Guy is greatness.
<3 WackyDeli
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
THE LUDUM DARE COUNTDOWN CONTINUES
Only 2 days and 22 hours until Ludum Dare 16 begins!
So the first round of voting is over with. I don't understand this fucking voting system, but whatever. The second round is up, and the list is totally different than the first list. I don't remember there being this many categories, so I'm confused. I really don't get it. OH WELL.
As for the round 1 voting results... one of my suggestions placed first. That's rad.
Here are the top 10 themes for round 1.
1. Unwanted Powers
2. Adaptation
3. Betrayal as a gameplay mechanic
4. Shapeshifting
5. Invulnerability isnt all it's cracked up to be
6. By our powers combined...
7. Dreaming
8. You are an unstoppable death machine
9. Construction
10. Deception
and what landed at the number 11 spot?
MY OTHER SUGGESTION:
11. Turn-Based Eating
So out of 67 suggestions, my ideas placed 1st and 11th (thus far). That's cool. As for round 2, I'm so fucking confused. None of the ones from round 1 are in there, and I don't recognize any of the suggestions on the list. Where did this second list come from? And it sucks, too. It's not worth voting on. I can only hope that we end up with a theme that can actually be worked with.
The idea of a game where you are constantly granted UNWANTED POWERS is pretty cool, I think. For example, you're in a room with spikes on the ceiling and you suddenly get a SUPER JUMP powerup or you're given IRON BOOTS when you're trying to swim. Some kind of constant slot machine that hands out these powers at random that you may or may not want at any given time. Could be rad.
So the first round of voting is over with. I don't understand this fucking voting system, but whatever. The second round is up, and the list is totally different than the first list. I don't remember there being this many categories, so I'm confused. I really don't get it. OH WELL.
As for the round 1 voting results... one of my suggestions placed first. That's rad.
Here are the top 10 themes for round 1.
1. Unwanted Powers
2. Adaptation
3. Betrayal as a gameplay mechanic
4. Shapeshifting
5. Invulnerability isnt all it's cracked up to be
6. By our powers combined...
7. Dreaming
8. You are an unstoppable death machine
9. Construction
10. Deception
and what landed at the number 11 spot?
MY OTHER SUGGESTION:
11. Turn-Based Eating
So out of 67 suggestions, my ideas placed 1st and 11th (thus far). That's cool. As for round 2, I'm so fucking confused. None of the ones from round 1 are in there, and I don't recognize any of the suggestions on the list. Where did this second list come from? And it sucks, too. It's not worth voting on. I can only hope that we end up with a theme that can actually be worked with.
The idea of a game where you are constantly granted UNWANTED POWERS is pretty cool, I think. For example, you're in a room with spikes on the ceiling and you suddenly get a SUPER JUMP powerup or you're given IRON BOOTS when you're trying to swim. Some kind of constant slot machine that hands out these powers at random that you may or may not want at any given time. Could be rad.
Rasslin Sketchbook Page 1
I have a little square sketchbook, where all the pages are like little glossy pieces of posterboard. The first thing I decided to draw ended up being one of my favorites...
CHESSMAN
CHESSMAN
Monday, December 7, 2009
From the phone of Wackydeli
BK sucks man parts and talks about eating them like sloppy joes while
he listens to hinder and nickelback while jerking off to pics of
fishookcrossfacw he found online while convincing his mom that all
this was normal for a giant in the i.t. busieness and for someone who
thinks cougar town is comedy genius and everything abc has ever done
to be hand crafted by the likes of god.
he listens to hinder and nickelback while jerking off to pics of
fishookcrossfacw he found online while convincing his mom that all
this was normal for a giant in the i.t. busieness and for someone who
thinks cougar town is comedy genius and everything abc has ever done
to be hand crafted by the likes of god.
That is what some spirit told me to add to the bible earlier.
FESS UP
Rollcall time. If you read this blog, and aren't a contributor, please respond. Doing so will make Sonnybone look dumb and me look smart
Thank you
XOXOXO
Tromataker/Head Ninja
Thank you
XOXOXO
Tromataker/Head Ninja
MEMORANDUM
To all fat chicks. Putting on excessive eye liner does not make you look less fat.
-The Management
-The Management
Sunday, December 6, 2009
LUDUM DARE 16 COUNTDOWN
by SonnyBone
------------------
Yo Suckaz. The strike is lifted and robotic buttholes are back in style.
On top of that... we're about 4 days away from the start of LUDUM DARE 16, the 48 hour video game design contest. I want to win this SO VERY BADLY, but I know it'll be incredibly difficult. I will be maintaining a blog during the development process that I will link to here on KBN, so give me tons of support. And by that I mean I want you to cup my balls.
There have been a jillion theme ideas suggested over at the Ludum Dare site, and some of them would make hilariously awesome games. I'm gonna post the list for all to see, and when it comes time to vote, I'll see if I can post the link for everyone. I'm not incredibly sure if ANYONE can vote, though. Either way, post a comment with your top 3 choices.
----------
3D Glasses
8 Eyes
A day in the life of…
Abstract
Adaptation
Adjectives
Aliens
Alexander the Great
All Humans are dead
All Natural
Angular Momentum
Antonyms
Apocalypse
Armada
Arms Race
Ascension
Autobiography
Bad luck
Baked Goods as Characters
Baked Goods as Weapons
Balance
Beards, Moustaches and crazy facial hair
Betrayal as a gameplay mechanic
Birds
Black Holes
Board Games
Bugs
By our powers combined…
Castles
Cat and Mouse
Claymation * A day in the life of…
Climate Change
Clouds
Coincidence
Cold or Frozen
Collective Action
Coloring
Combined Arms
Competition
Contrast
Construction
Crab people
Create or alter the laws of Physics
Cruel World
Crustaceans vs Cetaceans
Cyber warfare
Curses
Cute fluffy animals
Death
Deception
Delegation
Distribution of knowledge
Disjoint
Doors
Dreaming
Dynamic Changing Characters
Dwarves
Eating
Electricity
End of the World
Enemies of the Mind
Epic
Everyone is a Friend
Evolution
Existentialism
Fighting
Flags
The Fleet
Flying Pigs
Food
Friends Forever! Never apart!
Futility
Gel Substances (I.E.: Modelling stuff with gels (Like, a 3D Spring, as the math goes - Spring/string is 1D, cloth 2D, Gel 3D)
Ghosts
Gliding
Gravity
Greek Mythology
Hercules
History
History Rewritten
Holes
Horror
Hyperspace
Illusions
Influence
Intensity
Intentionally broken
Inversion
Invulnerability isn't all it's cracked up to be
Irreplaceable
Isolation
Jailbreak
Jargon
Gelatin
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here, this is the war room!
Kittens
Knowledge
Late partygoers
Letting go
Limbs like these are hard to use
Loss
Magnetism
Maze/Labryinth
Mechanics and Gears
Melancholy
Mirrors
Morocco
Monocles
Moustaches
Music
Narrative
Naked men
Negative Space
No Gravity, no Friction
Non-Newtonian Physics
Opposites
Organisation
Paints and Brushes
Parallel
Peak Oil
Perpetual Motion
Photography
Portals
Power Outage Calamity
Planets
Player-generated story
Poetry
Pop
Power Outage
Prehistoric madness
Preparation
Programming things in one way or another
Psychedelic
Psychology
Pussy
Pyrrhic Victory
Rabbits
Rain
Regression
Reptiles
Role Reversal
Roman Mythology
Romance
Science Fiction
Shakespeare
Shapeshifting
Shoes
Snakes on a plane
Sneaking
Snow
Spacemarine
Spaceships
Spaceship Earth
Spiders
Sports which could never exist
Stone Age
Submarines
Surrealism
Sympathetic Antagonist
Swine Flu
Tentacles
The [fill in blank]est Hero Ever!
The Speed of Light
Time
Timewarp ← Is RHPS cross-dressing encouraged?
Top hats
Towlr
Turn-Based Eating
Trading
Translucency
Treasure Hunt
Twilight fandom (a first person squee-er?)
UFO
Unnameable
Unwanted Powers
Unwinnable War
Vector Field Flows
Vector Flow Fields
Vicarious interaction through another player
Video / Webcam
Vikings
Volcanoes
Warped
Water
Whodunnit
Wild animals
Winnable War
Winter
World's worst superhero
Worms
Wormholes
Yin and Yang
You are a cat
You are an unstoppable death machine
Zombies
Zoophobia
------------------
Yo Suckaz. The strike is lifted and robotic buttholes are back in style.
On top of that... we're about 4 days away from the start of LUDUM DARE 16, the 48 hour video game design contest. I want to win this SO VERY BADLY, but I know it'll be incredibly difficult. I will be maintaining a blog during the development process that I will link to here on KBN, so give me tons of support. And by that I mean I want you to cup my balls.
There have been a jillion theme ideas suggested over at the Ludum Dare site, and some of them would make hilariously awesome games. I'm gonna post the list for all to see, and when it comes time to vote, I'll see if I can post the link for everyone. I'm not incredibly sure if ANYONE can vote, though. Either way, post a comment with your top 3 choices.
----------
3D Glasses
8 Eyes
A day in the life of…
Abstract
Adaptation
Adjectives
Aliens
Alexander the Great
All Humans are dead
All Natural
Angular Momentum
Antonyms
Apocalypse
Armada
Arms Race
Ascension
Autobiography
Bad luck
Baked Goods as Characters
Baked Goods as Weapons
Balance
Beards, Moustaches and crazy facial hair
Betrayal as a gameplay mechanic
Birds
Black Holes
Board Games
Bugs
By our powers combined…
Castles
Cat and Mouse
Claymation * A day in the life of…
Climate Change
Clouds
Coincidence
Cold or Frozen
Collective Action
Coloring
Combined Arms
Competition
Contrast
Construction
Crab people
Create or alter the laws of Physics
Cruel World
Crustaceans vs Cetaceans
Cyber warfare
Curses
Cute fluffy animals
Death
Deception
Delegation
Distribution of knowledge
Disjoint
Doors
Dreaming
Dynamic Changing Characters
Dwarves
Eating
Electricity
End of the World
Enemies of the Mind
Epic
Everyone is a Friend
Evolution
Existentialism
Fighting
Flags
The Fleet
Flying Pigs
Food
Friends Forever! Never apart!
Futility
Gel Substances (I.E.: Modelling stuff with gels (Like, a 3D Spring, as the math goes - Spring/string is 1D, cloth 2D, Gel 3D)
Ghosts
Gliding
Gravity
Greek Mythology
Hercules
History
History Rewritten
Holes
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Illusions
Influence
Intensity
Intentionally broken
Inversion
Invulnerability isn't all it's cracked up to be
Irreplaceable
Isolation
Jailbreak
Jargon
Gelatin
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here, this is the war room!
Kittens
Knowledge
Late partygoers
Letting go
Limbs like these are hard to use
Loss
Magnetism
Maze/Labryinth
Mechanics and Gears
Melancholy
Mirrors
Morocco
Monocles
Moustaches
Music
Narrative
Naked men
Negative Space
No Gravity, no Friction
Non-Newtonian Physics
Opposites
Organisation
Paints and Brushes
Parallel
Peak Oil
Perpetual Motion
Photography
Portals
Power Outage Calamity
Planets
Player-generated story
Poetry
Pop
Power Outage
Prehistoric madness
Preparation
Programming things in one way or another
Psychedelic
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Pussy
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Rabbits
Rain
Regression
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Role Reversal
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Romance
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Shakespeare
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Shoes
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Snow
Spacemarine
Spaceships
Spaceship Earth
Spiders
Sports which could never exist
Stone Age
Submarines
Surrealism
Sympathetic Antagonist
Swine Flu
Tentacles
The [fill in blank]est Hero Ever!
The Speed of Light
Time
Timewarp ← Is RHPS cross-dressing encouraged?
Top hats
Towlr
Turn-Based Eating
Trading
Translucency
Treasure Hunt
Twilight fandom (a first person squee-er?)
UFO
Unnameable
Unwanted Powers
Unwinnable War
Vector Field Flows
Vector Flow Fields
Vicarious interaction through another player
Video / Webcam
Vikings
Volcanoes
Warped
Water
Whodunnit
Wild animals
Winnable War
Winter
World's worst superhero
Worms
Wormholes
Yin and Yang
You are a cat
You are an unstoppable death machine
Zombies
Zoophobia
Precious
Since Troma posted about a depressing movie, I'll post about a movie that had the opposite effect on me.
Precious.
The movie about an overweight black girl having her 2nd child, and reading at a 1st graders level. A girl writing at the phonetic stage of writing. Oh and she's only 15 or 16.
I won't spoil, cause that's how I roll, so it's hard to tell a lot. I will tell you how I felt watching this movie.
Angered
That's the only word that comes to mind. I actually shed some tears, because I was so fucking pissed off watching this movie. It's not because of how the story was, not in the sense that GOD THIS MOVIE SUCKS! It was the way that the actors genuinely made me hate them. I felt terrible for this girl. Had Monique, who played Precious' mother, been standing outside the theater I saw this in. I would have beat the life out of her.
The acting is AMAZING in this movie, and if you haven't seen it. Please do so for the acting alone.
Precious.
The movie about an overweight black girl having her 2nd child, and reading at a 1st graders level. A girl writing at the phonetic stage of writing. Oh and she's only 15 or 16.
I won't spoil, cause that's how I roll, so it's hard to tell a lot. I will tell you how I felt watching this movie.
Angered
That's the only word that comes to mind. I actually shed some tears, because I was so fucking pissed off watching this movie. It's not because of how the story was, not in the sense that GOD THIS MOVIE SUCKS! It was the way that the actors genuinely made me hate them. I felt terrible for this girl. Had Monique, who played Precious' mother, been standing outside the theater I saw this in. I would have beat the life out of her.
The acting is AMAZING in this movie, and if you haven't seen it. Please do so for the acting alone.
Getting your cry on
Man, nothing sucks more than a depressing movie.
Let me tell you something brothers, and I mean this as in brothers in general and not like hydrocloud but he's included in both kinds of brothers I guess...what was I saying?
Yeah man, I go to movies to be entertained. I don't get entertained by getting depressed.
I KNOW there's a fucking market for this though. Nicholas Sparks is a best-selling author! You know how I was a former bookstore ninja, and man, my buddy Eric used to say his wife loved that stuff, and when he'd find the books for someone, he'd tell them "Yeah, my wife loves this one. It's good to get your cry on."
Okay so I know this site is a big sausage fest as far as writers go and most of the writers are the readers but do any of you motherfuckers actually get entertained by depressing shit?
I'm posting this because I just saw Brothers.
I'll post a video review in a minute, too.
Let me tell you something brothers, and I mean this as in brothers in general and not like hydrocloud but he's included in both kinds of brothers I guess...what was I saying?
Yeah man, I go to movies to be entertained. I don't get entertained by getting depressed.
I KNOW there's a fucking market for this though. Nicholas Sparks is a best-selling author! You know how I was a former bookstore ninja, and man, my buddy Eric used to say his wife loved that stuff, and when he'd find the books for someone, he'd tell them "Yeah, my wife loves this one. It's good to get your cry on."
Okay so I know this site is a big sausage fest as far as writers go and most of the writers are the readers but do any of you motherfuckers actually get entertained by depressing shit?
I'm posting this because I just saw Brothers.
I'll post a video review in a minute, too.
the best two days of my life...forreal..dont laugh...ANNND TRANSYLMANIA REVIEW!
so i met this girl, awesome girl, plays video games, likes wrestling, has a bunch of holes in her face etc, ideal girl for me.anyways we met and talked, hit it off crazy good, hung out all day Friday, and Saturday. i get home and she's all like ' i need some time, etc' fuckin cop out. i'm salty as hell. oh well, moral of the story is boys, like my ENGLISH teacher said DON'T TAKE NOTHIN' FOR FACE VALUE.
Guess its back to the chickenheads...get in where you fit in i guess.
On to the movie review, i went to see this shit last night, with ol girl i mentioned above, we made out for the majority of the movie, the plot it mad stupid, some kids in college get involved in an exchange program with a tranny (short for trannsylvania, not like FM) college and there's a music box with someones soul etc, blah balah, one funny moment in the movie is when they ask this dude 'what happened ton you last night, did you GET FUCKED WITH A TOBAGGIN?' that shit had me weak. it was us and like foul little 9 year old black kids there. the movie was wack, the night was wack, i shoulda just stayed home and got high. and yes I'm bitter. I'm going to see Ninja Assassin, sans bitch, homies over hoes, there ya go, two references from THE BOONDOCKS to close this one out...
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
TheDenizen reviews Ninja Assassin
Well, holy crap.
I just got home from Ninja Assassin, and as I sit down to write this review I am consciously trying to keep the hyperbole in check...but fuck that noise, son, Ninja Assassin ROCKED and is quite possibly the best ninja movie ever. I've watched a lot of ninja flicks over the past couple of weeks in anticpiation of this one, so let's run down the standard checklist:
Ninja that melt effortlessly into the shadows? Check.
Insane ninja vs ninja battles? Check.
A modern day police force bleating on about "Ninjas in this day and age? Preposterous!" Check.
Multiple shuriken flurries? Check.
Brutal training sequences? Check.
Cheesy, over the top killings? CHECK.
If you don't like graphic beheadings and flying limbs and splashy buckets of bright red blood, stay far away from Ninja Assassin. Yes, the story is kinda trite, some of the dialog stinks and the acting is nothing special...but it's a goddamn ninja movie, not Shakespeare. A ninja movie only needs enough story to hang its fight scenes on, and Ninja Assassin succeeds at this in spades.
The fight scenes themselves are wonderful. Vicious, frantic, and gory as hell. I've read several reviews complaining of choppy choreography, rapid-fire editing and poor lighting during the action scenes. Those reviewers are retards. Listen: the days of classically trained martial arts actors performing long, uninterrupted takes of fighting are pretty much gone. Tony Jaa, Donnie Yen and a handful of indy film guys are all that's left of that tradition. The rapid cutting is here to stay, but Ninja Assassin does it very well. The movements are well choreographed and the action is relatively easy to follow. If you want to see examples of poorly edited fights where you can't tell what the fuck is going on, rent Batman Begins or the latest Bourne atrocity.
The fights in Ninja Assassin are very busy visually, with lots (and lots) of CGI blood and weapons and fire filling every frame, but you can always tell who is who and where they are in relation to each other. The actions performed before and after each edit actually match up to form a coherent looking move (Batman Begins utterly failed at this). Korean pop idol Rain trained like a mofo for the action scenes in this flick and it shows...he is ripped and totally believable as an action star. And yes, some of the fight scenes are shot in darkened rooms, but it's just to show off how badass the ninja look slipping in and out of shadows. It's pretty badass.
In short, peoples critiques of this movie are stupid. It's an incredibly over the top dopey ninja film with extreme violence and gore. It rules. Go see it.
I just got home from Ninja Assassin, and as I sit down to write this review I am consciously trying to keep the hyperbole in check...but fuck that noise, son, Ninja Assassin ROCKED and is quite possibly the best ninja movie ever. I've watched a lot of ninja flicks over the past couple of weeks in anticpiation of this one, so let's run down the standard checklist:
Ninja that melt effortlessly into the shadows? Check.
Insane ninja vs ninja battles? Check.
A modern day police force bleating on about "Ninjas in this day and age? Preposterous!" Check.
Multiple shuriken flurries? Check.
Brutal training sequences? Check.
Cheesy, over the top killings? CHECK.
If you don't like graphic beheadings and flying limbs and splashy buckets of bright red blood, stay far away from Ninja Assassin. Yes, the story is kinda trite, some of the dialog stinks and the acting is nothing special...but it's a goddamn ninja movie, not Shakespeare. A ninja movie only needs enough story to hang its fight scenes on, and Ninja Assassin succeeds at this in spades.
The fight scenes themselves are wonderful. Vicious, frantic, and gory as hell. I've read several reviews complaining of choppy choreography, rapid-fire editing and poor lighting during the action scenes. Those reviewers are retards. Listen: the days of classically trained martial arts actors performing long, uninterrupted takes of fighting are pretty much gone. Tony Jaa, Donnie Yen and a handful of indy film guys are all that's left of that tradition. The rapid cutting is here to stay, but Ninja Assassin does it very well. The movements are well choreographed and the action is relatively easy to follow. If you want to see examples of poorly edited fights where you can't tell what the fuck is going on, rent Batman Begins or the latest Bourne atrocity.
The fights in Ninja Assassin are very busy visually, with lots (and lots) of CGI blood and weapons and fire filling every frame, but you can always tell who is who and where they are in relation to each other. The actions performed before and after each edit actually match up to form a coherent looking move (Batman Begins utterly failed at this). Korean pop idol Rain trained like a mofo for the action scenes in this flick and it shows...he is ripped and totally believable as an action star. And yes, some of the fight scenes are shot in darkened rooms, but it's just to show off how badass the ninja look slipping in and out of shadows. It's pretty badass.
In short, peoples critiques of this movie are stupid. It's an incredibly over the top dopey ninja film with extreme violence and gore. It rules. Go see it.
A Letter to Me in the past
Dear 13 Year Old Me,
Hey fool, what's up? I'm you 14 years into your future. I'm here to drop some knowledge on you based on the experiences in my past and your future. First of all, don't try and lose your virginity to Tina Mott. I just saw a picture of her recently and let me tell you something brother, BULLET DODGED. Also when you're hanging out with Becky Coliz, go for more than some over the shirt boob action, because she is down. I assure you of this.
Now on to the next item of the agenda. You know those comic books you've been collecting with the chromium foil covers and shit, they're worthless. Sell this shit immediately because it's seriously never going to increase in value. In fact, I've repurchased some of them for fifty cents recently. So sell now while there are still morons buying them for high prices because they think they will be worth more money in the future.
And finally, stop wearing that fucking green shirt, you look really really faggy in it.`
Sincerely, You 14 years in the Future
Hey fool, what's up? I'm you 14 years into your future. I'm here to drop some knowledge on you based on the experiences in my past and your future. First of all, don't try and lose your virginity to Tina Mott. I just saw a picture of her recently and let me tell you something brother, BULLET DODGED. Also when you're hanging out with Becky Coliz, go for more than some over the shirt boob action, because she is down. I assure you of this.
Now on to the next item of the agenda. You know those comic books you've been collecting with the chromium foil covers and shit, they're worthless. Sell this shit immediately because it's seriously never going to increase in value. In fact, I've repurchased some of them for fifty cents recently. So sell now while there are still morons buying them for high prices because they think they will be worth more money in the future.
And finally, stop wearing that fucking green shirt, you look really really faggy in it.`
Sincerely, You 14 years in the Future
Chinese-buffet feat. Hibachi grill.mp3
Sent from my BlackBerry device from Cincinnati Bell Wireless
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
TheDenizen talks Ninja Part II
Alright punks, TheDenizen is back with more movie reviews.
I mentioned in my first blog that I like violence, and I really, really do. To me, violence is one of the few bright beacons of joy in an existence completely saturated with stupid people doing stupid things. I hate people in general, and that tends to go hand in hand with enjoying seeing extreme violence inflicted upon them.
It's for this reason that I still haven't seen Ninja Assassin: there's nothing worse than sitting in a movie theater crowded with idiots, so I have a cardinal rule about NOT seeing movies in the theater until they've been out for at least a week. The crowds thin out significantly by then and I can choke down my murderous rage for longer. I made an exception to this rule ONCE in the last 10 years for LOTR: The Two Towers and it was 3.5 hours of torture, as I spent the entire film's running time stifling the urge to savagely donkey punch the retarded chatty fucks filling the row in front of me.
Anyways, I'm finally seeing Ninja Assassin tomorrow most likely (and will post my thoughts to compare/contrast with the HeadNinja), but I've spent a bit of time over the last few days revisting more old school ninja *ahem* "classics" to put me in the mood. Let's get to it.
Ninja Terminator - Godfrey Ho is like the king of the shitty 80's ninja film, and this is one of his finest hours. He takes a bunch of footage from an old 70's triad movie, shoots a bit of new ninja footage, and then splices it all together in the hopes it somehow makes sense using voice overs. It doesn't (he also blatantly rips off music from Star Wars and Clockwork Orange). This flick concerns a band of three ninja who betray their clan and steal the three part Golden Ninja statue, which gives the possessor physical immunity. The rest of the movie is just various ninja/triad groups fighting and trying to steal the pieces back.
Richard Harrison looks ridiculously out of place as a middle aged white ninja named Harry, who delivers orders to his underlings via his Garfield phone and sports more eyeliner than BigKaboom at a Smiths concert. The evil Ninja Empire issues death threats by sending little tiny robots to deliver menacing VHS tapes to their victims - seriously, they look like Transformers toys. There's a totally pointless G-rated sex scene between two minor characters, scored with "Echoes" by Pink Floyd.
Lots of cool ninja stuff with smoke bombs, shuriken, caltraps, etc at the beginning and end, but most of the middle is taken up by the kung fu fighting of the older triad picture. Thankfully those fights are plentiful and actually quite well choreographed and filmed. Jaguar Wong is a badass dude who smirks constantly while beating the shit out of everyone, and the main villain is played by Korean superkicker Hwang Jang Lee. Lee played Silver Fox in the Secret Rivals films, but for some reason he wears a preposterous blonde ladies wig and a white dress suit for 90% of this movie. I'm sure it made sense to Godfrey.
Life of Ninja - I had great hopes for this movie: a kung fu/ninja flick starring Chen Kwan Tai and Yasuaki Kurata? Can you say "massive fucking potential"? It starts off with a bunch of ninja in a cave going through rigorous training exercises - nice. Then about 30 seconds later any notion of this being a serious movie are tossed gleefully out the window as the focus changes to female ninja and their training methods. This includes a mud wrestling match to the death that plays over most of the opening credits, and repeated half naked dipping into an icy pool. Thankfully after that, the weak exploitation stuff falls to the wayside and unadulterated asskicking takes over.
The plot concerns a total prick of a Hong Kong businessman who is being targeted by Ninja for assassination, and the Chinese kendo instructor (Chen Kwan Tai) he hires to protect him. Lots of cheese on display here, like when a female ninja hypnotizes another girl with bright blue orbs that shoot from her eyes, or when a guy gets attacked with a machete in the shower and responds by spraying his attacker with the shower head. There's also plenty of brutal fighting in the flick, including an insane beatdown when Tai takes on about 15 ninja single-handed, using only a pair of tonfa. HELL YEAH. Of course the final battle between Tai and Kurata is incredible, although for some reason, they filmed about 1/3 of it in the pitch black, and you can't see a thing. When the lights are on though, the two veteran screen fighters put on a clinic, with Kurata even busting out some lightning fast monkey style at the end. Me likey.
Ninja 3: The Domination - This flick starts out really promising with a ninja slaughtering about 30 people at a golf course, including a bunch of cops, before being cornered and gunned down. The ninja sees a girl before he dies and magically transmits his spirit into her, and the next 45 minutes of the movie is the girl and her cop boyfriend trying to figure out why she's suddenly got an interest in Japanese swords and keeps blacking out. There's all kinds of stupid Poltergiest/Exorcist crap in there to pad the running time, plus Sho Kosugi standing around looking tough in an eye-patch. Finally around the hour mark, we get another police massacre at a graveyard before Sho goes into action...first fighting the girl to force the ninja spirit back into it's own body in a blur of cheap effects, and then kicking his ass.
All around, a pretty shit movie with way too much melodrama and not nearly enough ninja antics. It wasn't even goofy enough to laugh at, except for the clothes people are wearing in the gym club scene. Lucinda Dickey plays the main chick, and she's kinda cute, like a mix of a young Geena Davis and Linda Hamilton, but she never gets her cans out, and she falls for this dweeby little guy with a furry back and shoulders. Weak. At least lots of people get killed.
And there you have it. My bloodlust is whetted. My shuriken sharpened. I've got my ninja headband. Ninja Assassin here I come.
I mentioned in my first blog that I like violence, and I really, really do. To me, violence is one of the few bright beacons of joy in an existence completely saturated with stupid people doing stupid things. I hate people in general, and that tends to go hand in hand with enjoying seeing extreme violence inflicted upon them.
It's for this reason that I still haven't seen Ninja Assassin: there's nothing worse than sitting in a movie theater crowded with idiots, so I have a cardinal rule about NOT seeing movies in the theater until they've been out for at least a week. The crowds thin out significantly by then and I can choke down my murderous rage for longer. I made an exception to this rule ONCE in the last 10 years for LOTR: The Two Towers and it was 3.5 hours of torture, as I spent the entire film's running time stifling the urge to savagely donkey punch the retarded chatty fucks filling the row in front of me.
Anyways, I'm finally seeing Ninja Assassin tomorrow most likely (and will post my thoughts to compare/contrast with the HeadNinja), but I've spent a bit of time over the last few days revisting more old school ninja *ahem* "classics" to put me in the mood. Let's get to it.
Ninja Terminator - Godfrey Ho is like the king of the shitty 80's ninja film, and this is one of his finest hours. He takes a bunch of footage from an old 70's triad movie, shoots a bit of new ninja footage, and then splices it all together in the hopes it somehow makes sense using voice overs. It doesn't (he also blatantly rips off music from Star Wars and Clockwork Orange). This flick concerns a band of three ninja who betray their clan and steal the three part Golden Ninja statue, which gives the possessor physical immunity. The rest of the movie is just various ninja/triad groups fighting and trying to steal the pieces back.
Richard Harrison looks ridiculously out of place as a middle aged white ninja named Harry, who delivers orders to his underlings via his Garfield phone and sports more eyeliner than BigKaboom at a Smiths concert. The evil Ninja Empire issues death threats by sending little tiny robots to deliver menacing VHS tapes to their victims - seriously, they look like Transformers toys. There's a totally pointless G-rated sex scene between two minor characters, scored with "Echoes" by Pink Floyd.
Lots of cool ninja stuff with smoke bombs, shuriken, caltraps, etc at the beginning and end, but most of the middle is taken up by the kung fu fighting of the older triad picture. Thankfully those fights are plentiful and actually quite well choreographed and filmed. Jaguar Wong is a badass dude who smirks constantly while beating the shit out of everyone, and the main villain is played by Korean superkicker Hwang Jang Lee. Lee played Silver Fox in the Secret Rivals films, but for some reason he wears a preposterous blonde ladies wig and a white dress suit for 90% of this movie. I'm sure it made sense to Godfrey.
Life of Ninja - I had great hopes for this movie: a kung fu/ninja flick starring Chen Kwan Tai and Yasuaki Kurata? Can you say "massive fucking potential"? It starts off with a bunch of ninja in a cave going through rigorous training exercises - nice. Then about 30 seconds later any notion of this being a serious movie are tossed gleefully out the window as the focus changes to female ninja and their training methods. This includes a mud wrestling match to the death that plays over most of the opening credits, and repeated half naked dipping into an icy pool. Thankfully after that, the weak exploitation stuff falls to the wayside and unadulterated asskicking takes over.
The plot concerns a total prick of a Hong Kong businessman who is being targeted by Ninja for assassination, and the Chinese kendo instructor (Chen Kwan Tai) he hires to protect him. Lots of cheese on display here, like when a female ninja hypnotizes another girl with bright blue orbs that shoot from her eyes, or when a guy gets attacked with a machete in the shower and responds by spraying his attacker with the shower head. There's also plenty of brutal fighting in the flick, including an insane beatdown when Tai takes on about 15 ninja single-handed, using only a pair of tonfa. HELL YEAH. Of course the final battle between Tai and Kurata is incredible, although for some reason, they filmed about 1/3 of it in the pitch black, and you can't see a thing. When the lights are on though, the two veteran screen fighters put on a clinic, with Kurata even busting out some lightning fast monkey style at the end. Me likey.
Ninja 3: The Domination - This flick starts out really promising with a ninja slaughtering about 30 people at a golf course, including a bunch of cops, before being cornered and gunned down. The ninja sees a girl before he dies and magically transmits his spirit into her, and the next 45 minutes of the movie is the girl and her cop boyfriend trying to figure out why she's suddenly got an interest in Japanese swords and keeps blacking out. There's all kinds of stupid Poltergiest/Exorcist crap in there to pad the running time, plus Sho Kosugi standing around looking tough in an eye-patch. Finally around the hour mark, we get another police massacre at a graveyard before Sho goes into action...first fighting the girl to force the ninja spirit back into it's own body in a blur of cheap effects, and then kicking his ass.
All around, a pretty shit movie with way too much melodrama and not nearly enough ninja antics. It wasn't even goofy enough to laugh at, except for the clothes people are wearing in the gym club scene. Lucinda Dickey plays the main chick, and she's kinda cute, like a mix of a young Geena Davis and Linda Hamilton, but she never gets her cans out, and she falls for this dweeby little guy with a furry back and shoulders. Weak. At least lots of people get killed.
And there you have it. My bloodlust is whetted. My shuriken sharpened. I've got my ninja headband. Ninja Assassin here I come.
Snaptu review for blackberry curve 83xx
Shit. I'm'll come clean. I'm a cellphone junkie. I go through about five a year. As of recent I got myself a twitter account and I started following a friend of mine. Long story short he sends me a link to a site to download snaptu, what's snaptu? Well it is a sweet ass app for your cellphone/device I can hold down my facebook,twitter and all of my blogs, it also has a bunch of other stuff, but I don't use that.so if you have a blackberry or any other sort of 'smartphone' go to m.snaptu.com and get to downloadin!
4.5 out of 5
Twitter.com/smashatomz
Sent from my BlackBerry device from Cincinnati Bell Wireless
4.5 out of 5
Twitter.com/smashatomz
Sent from my BlackBerry device from Cincinnati Bell Wireless
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