Racism In A Can

by SonnyBone

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Sorry for the double header, but something has been on my mind and I can't get it out.

So I was in the store the other day buying some turd ammo when I noticed something interesting. We were strolling down the canned goods aisle, which I usually try to avoid. I typically go with fresh veggies, but the pickings were rather slim for some reason. I can't bring myself to buy an ear of corn that looks like it was used in a Necro Butcher match.

SO AS I WAS SAYING... CANNED GOODS.

I glanced around at the veggies and we picked something out that I don't exactly remember... because I immediately began to focus on the canned fruit. If you don't know by now, I'm a huge fruit fiend. I will take an entire pack of fresh strawberries and prep them... then toss 'em in the freezer to eat later. I eat frozen fruit like a maniac. Frozen grapes. Frozen pineapple. Even frozen watermelon. My teeth aren't sensitive to cold whatsoever, so I can bite right into a hunk of frozen fruit with no problem. I fucking love it. So whenever I'm near fruit, I get all crazy and start coming up with weird ideas for how to freeze it differently.

SO I NOTICE THE CANNED FRUIT COCKTAIL.

I haven't had this stuff in a LONG time. I could actually pour this in a mold and make my own frozen fruit popcicles! My loins quiver.

Then I see it...

FRUIT COCKTAIL
-Mixed Fruit-
-with Cherries-

OK, so what the fuck is going on here? Is the cherry not a fruit? Or is it extra special?

Imagine that you're a pear. You're hanging out with the other pears. Keepin' it real. Holdin' it down. All that shit. Up comes some grapes. Ya'll are chillin'. Feelin' it out. Bustin'. Up comes some peaches. Ballin'. It's all good. Some pineapples step up. My homies. You nod the head. Bust the knuckles. Keep it on the down low. Just some fruit-ass bustaz be pimpin'.

THEN THOSE MUTHA FUCKIN' CHERRIES WALK UP LIKE THEY SOMEBODY WHEN THEY KNOW THEY AIN'T NUFFIN BUT A BUNCH A SUCKAZ TRYIN' TO ACT LIKE WE DON'T KNOW THEY FRONTIN' LIKE THE PUNK ASS MUTHA FUCKAZ THEY IS. OH HELL NAW. FUCK 'EM. THEY AIN'T ONE OF US.

So do the cherries feel discriminated against because they're not considered the same as all the other fruits? Or is it the other way around?

Maybe the fruits are pissed because they're just a bunch of fruits and don't get any special billing on the label. Maybe the cherry is a smug fuck and he likes the attention, because he thinks he's better than the other fruits. Or maybe he wishes he could be just another fruit and wishes everyone would stop putting so much pressure on him to succeed.

All I know is I tried to make a popcicle out of these assholes and it tasted like an inside-out elephant urethra, so fuck 'em.