Early Happy New Year, fellow ninjas.
It's been a few months but TheDenizen is back from the wilderness to serve up the goods on some more awesomely bad flicks.
Today I'm going to review a selection of wrestling movies. Pro wrestling is something that most of us like, even if it isn't really accepted by mainstream culture (I know it has had it's heydays, but it's definitely on a long downswing at the moment). Wrestling is generally seen as a niche interest of rednecks and trailer trash, and any references to it are usually mocking in tone. It's considered low brow, low budget entertainment.
It's not surprising then, that most wrestling films are cheap, low budget affairs made for the grindhouse market. They're also usually from Mexico or Japan (where the purists know the best pro wrestling is anyways)...there were dozens of movies starring Mexican luchador Santo in the 60s and 70s. Anyways, here's a handful of capsule reviews for some of my favorite wrestling flicks.
Calamari Wrestler - Cheesy wrasslin action from Japan, this one is a pretty formulaic underdog/sports movie kinda like Rocky, with the catch that the main character is a guy in a big, fake looking rubber squid costume. All the other actors treat him as though he were a real giant squid, and ignore the inherent strangeness of it. Very dry humor as the whole cast just plays every scene completely straight faced opposite a massive cephalopod. Hilarious.
Enter Zombie King - Gloriously campy lucha libre flick from Canada that features a group of technicos led by Ulysses fighting against evil rudo Zombie King and his undead hordes. Pretty much everyone in the movie wears a wrestling mask at all times, and Ulysses is constantly spouting ridiculous nonsense philosophies. It's got hot chicks, a great surf soundtrack, a Jim Neidhart cameo, and tons of dudes beating up zombies with snapmares and huracanranas. You could do a lot worse.
The Wrestler - Despite being a low budget indy film, this movie is the exception in that it's a serious drama about a washed up pro wrestler, and not just some schlocky junk. This is a really great flick and Mickey Rourke gives an amazing performance as the pathetic and broken down Randy the Ram. It won awards and deservedly revitalized his career. Some of the overwrought emotional stuff with the daughter came off as a little hokey, but it's just a crushing experience. Every pro wrestling fan should see it.
Oh! My Zombie Mermaid - Real life grappler Shinya Hashimoto stars as a pro wrestler whose wife is severely injured in an explosion and begins to transform into a mermaid. Unable to pay the medical bills, he is forced to accept a big money death match against a faction of rogue killer wrestlers called DDD. The first half hour or so is just set up but the last hour is solid insanely over the top wrestling action in a series of escalating battles. It's like a bad anime come to life, in a good way.
3 Dev Adam - Granted, this film is only tangentially related to wrestling, but it's such a great flick I relish any opportunity to talk about it. It's a Turkish superhero film in which knockoff versions of Captain America and the famous luchador Santo are brought in by Turkish police to help them stop evil knockoff Spiderman who is on a terrible crime spree. It's seriously insane watching a paunchy Spiderman climb up a drainpipe and stab a woman to death in the shower. Spidey terrorizes people with hungry gerbils. A woman gets killed with an outboard motor in the first minute. If you haven't seen this flick, find it. It's gold.
There's a bunch of other wrestling flicks to be had as well...I've got a few of the authentic Santo films on my "to-watch" pile. Plus there's a Japanese film called Rikidozan, a biopic about pioneering Korean wrestling star of the same name that is excellent by most accounts. And if you can stomach Jack Black's particular brand of "humor", I suppose Nacho Libre is a technically a lucha film too. Of course there's also Hulk Hogan's terrible movies, but other than No Holds Barred, his movies weren't really about wrestling anyways.
Happy viewing.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Great Week for Cartoons
So the last week was great for Cartoons. There was not one, but two really good animated features on Cartoon Network. Firebreather and Young Justice.
Firebreather was a very solid program. It's loosely based on the comic book by Phil Hester and Andy Kuhn. The basic premise is a high school kid who is the son of a dragon and a human. The only real negatives about the entire feature was that in the not so action oriented scenes, the animation is weird. The move like the old animatronic band at Chuck E Cheese. This also was not an issue during the fight scenes. The other negative was an extremely out of place parkour scene which was stupid and unnecessary (like every Parkour scene in every movie ever). Those two things aside, Firebreather was very entertaining. I don't know if they have any future plans for it, but I would certainly hope so.
The other new cartoon was Young Justice. This got a little bit of noise a while back when they revealed the black Aqualad. He still looks goofy as hell, but at least he looks cooler than the Aqualad from the Teen Titans cartoon. This was only the pilot for the series that is planned, and the show really knocked it out of the park. Every character has a great introduction to the viewer (which is important in a show about several characters). It was bound to ruffle nerd feathers when they didn't follow the old Young Justice series (which is an amazing comic in it's own right), but it was really great. Everything was executed perfectly and there was nothing to change. Well except for Aqualad's blond hair. Sisqo looked stupid 13 years ago, and it looks just as dumb today as it did back then.
Both of these can be found fairly easily online (although when I was looking for Young Justice, I came across quite a few scame sites so don't go to a website you don't trust while looking for it) and I would recommend watching both of these if you have some time to spare (both are less than an hour each).
Firebreather was a very solid program. It's loosely based on the comic book by Phil Hester and Andy Kuhn. The basic premise is a high school kid who is the son of a dragon and a human. The only real negatives about the entire feature was that in the not so action oriented scenes, the animation is weird. The move like the old animatronic band at Chuck E Cheese. This also was not an issue during the fight scenes. The other negative was an extremely out of place parkour scene which was stupid and unnecessary (like every Parkour scene in every movie ever). Those two things aside, Firebreather was very entertaining. I don't know if they have any future plans for it, but I would certainly hope so.
The other new cartoon was Young Justice. This got a little bit of noise a while back when they revealed the black Aqualad. He still looks goofy as hell, but at least he looks cooler than the Aqualad from the Teen Titans cartoon. This was only the pilot for the series that is planned, and the show really knocked it out of the park. Every character has a great introduction to the viewer (which is important in a show about several characters). It was bound to ruffle nerd feathers when they didn't follow the old Young Justice series (which is an amazing comic in it's own right), but it was really great. Everything was executed perfectly and there was nothing to change. Well except for Aqualad's blond hair. Sisqo looked stupid 13 years ago, and it looks just as dumb today as it did back then.
Both of these can be found fairly easily online (although when I was looking for Young Justice, I came across quite a few scame sites so don't go to a website you don't trust while looking for it) and I would recommend watching both of these if you have some time to spare (both are less than an hour each).
Friday, November 26, 2010
XBOX Indie Game Worth Buying: ZP2KX
If you haven't played the $1 XBOX Live Indie Game, ZP2K9, you're a doofus. There's a sequel coming. That's the trailer. It has online multiplayer and radical suits that give you powers. It's like Soldat... if Soldat wasn't so fucking bland.
This game is going to rock, and it's going to be worth your money.
EYE GAIRAWNTEE
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Random Thoughts about tons of stuff.
I haven't written anything for here in a long time. Not because I was busy because some prick named Mark Isdell broke into my house and stole all my electronics because he doesn't want to go and get an actual job. So that sucked. The worst part was that I had a lot of stuff on the computer that was irreplaceable, mainly the manuscript I was writing, which I've started rewriting again but my heart is isn't in the same place about it.
So here is what I've been thinking about over the past 4 months or so.
Red, The Werewolf Hunter was one of the worst SyFy movies I've ever seen. I've watched a lot of them lately, and it was just awful. I'd put it barely a notch of The Phantom. First of all, can internerds (I just made that up) please stop pretending that Felicia Day is attractive. Because she really isn't. She's also a terrible actress. Which means SyFy had to get her in the title role of a movie about Little Red Riding Hood's descendants fighting Werewolves (sounds awesome). Then the movie hits every cliche you could think of. The werewolves looked a little cool though.
World of Warcraft is my main videogame right now (I play a hunter named Aksana on Korialstrasz if you want to play with someone as cool as me). As much as I like the actual game, I find the community seems to get worse as the new expansion looms in (Cataclysm, and it looks like it will be awesome). I've never seen a group of nerds who despise nerd culture as much as WoW players. Anything new in the game sucks, because things were always better before YOU played. There is an elitist problem where people think that they are the ULTIMATE player of the game. The one who knows all and everyone else is a moron. It doesn't matter how bad they play, it's YOUR fault because they have been playing for 5 years so it couldn't possible be their fault. Other than the D-Bags, the game is a blast, and one hell of a time killer.
Why the hell havent' we gotten a good SOCOM game on next gen consoles yet? I've been playing some SOCOM 3 lately (great game even though it looks like ass nowadays) and I can't believe how bad Confrontation was. There are so many things that SOCOM does right that other developers haven't even bothered to try out. Like intergrated Clan systems. Not just some silly initials before your name, but there is a Clan Menu where you can view members. It really isn't the same thing as a friend's list and several games could benefit from this feature.
Jackass 3D was such a good experience. When people make a movie and they are having fun, it really makes that much of a difference. Also there was a lot less penii (that's the plural of Penis) in this movie than in number 2. Which is a plus for some.
Avengers Cartoon: I think it's subtitled Earth's Mightiest Heroes, but who cares, it's the only Avengers cartoon on Disney XD. This is the best superhero cartoon I've ever seen. It's amazing. If you're a fan of The Avengers you have to watch this cartoon (and get over how stupid the Wasp looks, she had worse costumes in the comics several times).
I can't wait for the Christmas Special for Doctor Who this year. Matt Smith was even better than David Tennant and you're doing yourself a disservice if you haven't watched the last season of Doctor Who.
The Captain America movie pictures from a few weeks ago, made the movie look 100 times better than I originally thought. I like Chris Evans, but I didn't think he was a good choice for Cap. This is why I'm not a casting director, because he looked exactly like Captain America should. Hopefully the movie has a good story because I don't just want a movie that looks cool. Learn the lessons that Iron Man taught comic book movies. People like pretty action movies, but they love pretty action movies with likable characters and a plot that actually plots.
Batman: Under the Red Hood was the best comic book movie I've ever seen. I don't even like Batman that much but this was awesome. DC has been on a roll with their animated movies (Marvel not so much).
The Losers was the second best comic book movie. Seriously. It didn't do anything new for an action movie, but everything it did was great. The elements combined like Captain Planet only instead of fighting shitty eco terrorists he made a good movie.
So here is what I've been thinking about over the past 4 months or so.
Red, The Werewolf Hunter was one of the worst SyFy movies I've ever seen. I've watched a lot of them lately, and it was just awful. I'd put it barely a notch of The Phantom. First of all, can internerds (I just made that up) please stop pretending that Felicia Day is attractive. Because she really isn't. She's also a terrible actress. Which means SyFy had to get her in the title role of a movie about Little Red Riding Hood's descendants fighting Werewolves (sounds awesome). Then the movie hits every cliche you could think of. The werewolves looked a little cool though.
World of Warcraft is my main videogame right now (I play a hunter named Aksana on Korialstrasz if you want to play with someone as cool as me). As much as I like the actual game, I find the community seems to get worse as the new expansion looms in (Cataclysm, and it looks like it will be awesome). I've never seen a group of nerds who despise nerd culture as much as WoW players. Anything new in the game sucks, because things were always better before YOU played. There is an elitist problem where people think that they are the ULTIMATE player of the game. The one who knows all and everyone else is a moron. It doesn't matter how bad they play, it's YOUR fault because they have been playing for 5 years so it couldn't possible be their fault. Other than the D-Bags, the game is a blast, and one hell of a time killer.
Why the hell havent' we gotten a good SOCOM game on next gen consoles yet? I've been playing some SOCOM 3 lately (great game even though it looks like ass nowadays) and I can't believe how bad Confrontation was. There are so many things that SOCOM does right that other developers haven't even bothered to try out. Like intergrated Clan systems. Not just some silly initials before your name, but there is a Clan Menu where you can view members. It really isn't the same thing as a friend's list and several games could benefit from this feature.
Jackass 3D was such a good experience. When people make a movie and they are having fun, it really makes that much of a difference. Also there was a lot less penii (that's the plural of Penis) in this movie than in number 2. Which is a plus for some.
Avengers Cartoon: I think it's subtitled Earth's Mightiest Heroes, but who cares, it's the only Avengers cartoon on Disney XD. This is the best superhero cartoon I've ever seen. It's amazing. If you're a fan of The Avengers you have to watch this cartoon (and get over how stupid the Wasp looks, she had worse costumes in the comics several times).
I can't wait for the Christmas Special for Doctor Who this year. Matt Smith was even better than David Tennant and you're doing yourself a disservice if you haven't watched the last season of Doctor Who.
The Captain America movie pictures from a few weeks ago, made the movie look 100 times better than I originally thought. I like Chris Evans, but I didn't think he was a good choice for Cap. This is why I'm not a casting director, because he looked exactly like Captain America should. Hopefully the movie has a good story because I don't just want a movie that looks cool. Learn the lessons that Iron Man taught comic book movies. People like pretty action movies, but they love pretty action movies with likable characters and a plot that actually plots.
Batman: Under the Red Hood was the best comic book movie I've ever seen. I don't even like Batman that much but this was awesome. DC has been on a roll with their animated movies (Marvel not so much).
The Losers was the second best comic book movie. Seriously. It didn't do anything new for an action movie, but everything it did was great. The elements combined like Captain Planet only instead of fighting shitty eco terrorists he made a good movie.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Pay Per Channel TV
by SonnyBone
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I'm thinking about canceling my cable TV subscription because I pay TOO MUCH for what I actually watch. With NETFLIX and HULU becoming more readily available by the day, I think satellite and cable tv providers need to find a solution and find it fast.
MY SOLUTION: Let me pay for the channels I want and nothing more.
Right now I'm paying a ridiculous amount of money for access to hundreds of channels when I seriously only watch 10. Charge me a buck twenty five per channel per month and you've got a deal that's on par with my HD Netflix subscription.
Then if I see something that I want to watch that's not on my subscription service, make me pay a dollar to watch it. That'll bring you some extra income and may force me to think about adding it to my monthly lineup.
Either way, these network and cable stations need to suck it up and realize that their shit is OLD and SUCKY.
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I'm thinking about canceling my cable TV subscription because I pay TOO MUCH for what I actually watch. With NETFLIX and HULU becoming more readily available by the day, I think satellite and cable tv providers need to find a solution and find it fast.
MY SOLUTION: Let me pay for the channels I want and nothing more.
Right now I'm paying a ridiculous amount of money for access to hundreds of channels when I seriously only watch 10. Charge me a buck twenty five per channel per month and you've got a deal that's on par with my HD Netflix subscription.
Then if I see something that I want to watch that's not on my subscription service, make me pay a dollar to watch it. That'll bring you some extra income and may force me to think about adding it to my monthly lineup.
Either way, these network and cable stations need to suck it up and realize that their shit is OLD and SUCKY.
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