John Egan appreciation post

There comes a time in every mans life, when he grows hair where he used to be bare. Once you see John Egan you grow hair immediately. Leave a comment with your favorite John Egan memories. Mine is when he became a soccer player.

Kidnapped by Ninjas Movie Review - The FP

I live in Castaic. It's a tiny town built around a lake that's been shut down for ecoli contamination an assload of times, and a truck stop.

It's the last bastion of civilization for about 30-40 miles. After that, it's no-man's land. Miss an exit and you're fucked, son. Hope you have enough gas.

Just past that no-man's land is Fraizer Park, which is like if Castaic froze in time when I was growing up there in the 80s.

This almost post-apocalyptic wasteland is where the FP takes place.

Look, I'm not going to recap the plot and shit. Just head on over to The Drafthouse Films Site and take a look yourself.

Long story short - gangs fight using Beat Beat Revelation, a DDR clone.

Me and my homey since third grade and Castaic expatriate Tracy, Grad School Screenwriting homey John, and his brother(and also my homey) James went to see the Saturday premiere of The FP at Cinefamily. If you've never been, and you live in California, go immediately, Cinefamily is the shit.

We loved this movie, you guys.

If you like John Carpenter, Dance Dance Revolution, and are gangsta as fuck, you'll enjoy it too. Shit, I've already preordered the Blu Ray from Drafthouse Films, and that doesn't come out until June.

Here's a photo of me with JTRO, aka Jason Trost.



He's our main character in the film, but he co-wrote and co-directed with his brother Brandon Trost, who is a bomb-ass DP. I have a feeling these guys are going to be making awesome stuff for a long time to come - I hope FP is the hit it deserves to be so these guys can get some funding to make even more stuff.



Here's a photo of me with Art Hsu, who plays KCDC, the heart of Fraizer Park. He gets JTRO to come back and avenge the death of his brother, and is hilarious doing it. Really cool guy, and has the best speech in the film. Do it for the ducks.

So yeah, this film is a must see. In fact, even though you're reading this review right now, if you haven't seen the movie yet, I think less of you as a person for not having seen it. So see it and I will love you again.

-Head Ninja Casey

FROM DUST Is Rad - This Means You Should Buy It

From Dust is a recent entry in the Xbox Live SUMMER OF ARCADE promotion alongside Bastion and the upcoming Insanely Twisted Shadow Planet.

All 3 games are really rad, but From Dust really stands out. This is the kind of game that I dreamed I was playing as a child. I played stuff like Populous and Sim City, but I always wanted a little more. From Dust is nothing like Populous and Sim City, but it still scratches that I MUST CONTROL THE WORLD itch that sandbox games strive for.

You don't have direct control over anyone... only some of the elements. It's a strange place you're thrown into... with the power to move earth, water and lava... but no power to physically manipulate the people you're trying to save. Tsunamis and lava rivers can only be redirected, not completely stopped. That is... until you get the special powers that protect villagers from water and fire. But even then, it's up to THEM to bring the knowledge back to the village. It's your job to make sure they can get there safely.

This is the kind of 'GOD' game I've wanted. A game where people go about their business and you control the world around them. You influence the people rather than push them.

But hey... you can still drown them and burn them alive, so it's all good.

Seriously. Get the demo.
It's coming to PSN and PC soon, but it's on XBLA right now for 15 bucks.

Resident Evil: Afterlife is stupid

I was making a running tally of everything that was wrong with the movie, but really just pick a 10 minute section of the movie and you will notice something stupid.

Alice explicitly states that there is no sign of life in LA, not even any undead. Then it cuts away to a massive crowd of zombies. Apparently no sign of undead means thousands of them.

Just awful in every way....except for Wentworth Miller. How is he not a bigger star yet?

Assorted Cartoon Notes From After the Rapture

So May 21st came and the world didn't end. What did happen was Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes had the episode titled "Hail, Hydra!" Which was the best episode yet. There will be spoilers for the episode, so if you're going to watch it, you might not want to read this first. The episode is about AIM and Hydra fighting over the Cosmic Cube. The Avengers move to stop them, and SHIELD shows up, under the new Director, Maria Hill, and she declares that the Avengers are no longer getting the same pass that Nick Fury had given them while he was running SHIELD. She makes a few comments about them needing to be registered (ugh, Civil War was a pile of shit and I hope it doesn't rear its head in this series again), but there is no real followup in it in this episode. What DID happen is Baron Strucker and Captain America touched the Cosmic Cube at the same time, and it appears as if nothing happened. Until the closing moments, where it's revealed that when Cap touched the Cube, he wished that Bucky didn't die. Obviously we're going to get a Winter Soldier, and this was a far superior way of having Bucky live than what the comics went with (they chose an "Everything You Know Was Wrong" approach rather than give a good reason).




This comes onto the heels of the fact the Guardians of the Galaxy are confirmed to be on the show's second season. It's not the real Guardians, but rather the new version of them, but still it's close enough. The fact that AEMH keeps getting better is real plus for fans of the Avengers, as well as fans of superhero cartoons.

The other big superhero cartoon on television right now, is Young Justice, which still isn't airing new episodes, but the show has been at a very high quality as well. Some of the continuity changes are fantastic additions (Superboy's power level) but the lack of The Kid's personality really breaks my heart. Miss Martian is a great replacement for Secret, and Artemis is a very interesting choice.

I guess we will see which one of these shows ends up being better in the long run (I'd put money on the Avengers though).


In other cartoon news, I recently watched Birdy the Mighty: Decode on Netflix Instant Viewing. It was an excellent anime. It was essentiallty a story about Mar-Vell in the form of an attractive Anime girl. It's a space cop named Birdy, who accidentally kills a teenage boy, and then they end up sharing a body while she searches for an alien weapon named the Ryunka. It's a short show (13 episodes that not counting credits are all about 20 minutes) so there isn't a ton of time investment involved with it. There is a single annoying character, who thankfully isn't in every episode.

Finally, I noticed some Marvel Motion Comics on Netflix Instant Viewing. They seem to be done really well, the Iron Man one is really great, but the Spider-Woman has terrible voice acting. There is also an X-Men one but I haven't watched it yet. Also, the entire Black Panther cartoon is on Netflix Instant Viewing. I put it here because it's animated a little less than the other motion comics. It's quite shameful. It's also just the telling of the terribad Reggie Hudlin origin where everything is about evil white people trying to kill the T'Challa because because he's black royalty. I wouldn't really recommend this to anyone who isn't already a fan of the Black Panther because it's quite disgraceful to the character (much like Hudlin's entire run on the comic book series).

Wackydeli's top 20 games

Top 20 games of all time, by WackyDeli

Kaboom sucks and sorry for having a busy and hectic life since I originally wanted to do this.

Also PC games SUCK.

20. Banjo Kazooie

This game was bought on a whim when it came out, and was a gem that has been part of my N64 collection since.



19. Blast Corps

Same as Banjo I had no idea what it was about, but it looked awesome. I have a lot of fun running around making explosions in this game.



18. Mario Paint

Even to this day, I still play this game every few weeks. Amazing game that introduced many of us to the joys of computer art. The fly swatting game is also extra rad.



17. NBA Hangtime

The first sports game to make the list. Hangtime was the first game I slaved over to unlock everything, and complete 100%. I can remember playing this game until 4 a.m. on occasion, and I was nine. What terrible parenting.



I still think thats Emmitt Smith on the cover.

16. Virtua Tennis

The game that made me drive to six different malls looking for it. Well I couldn't drive yet, and we were visiting relatives. Eventually we found this game, and I was excited I could stop spending 2 dollars everytime I went to the Arcade.

The Ten Most Crazy Awesome Things In Japanese Wrestling

Also titled, "OR remembers he's still a writer at KBN, 2011 Edition"

Anyways, as most of the people who view this blog know, Japanese wrestling has three modes: Awesome, Crazy, and Crazy Awesome. But for those who reading aren't aware of this, I say you're missing out on a wonderful and bizarre world. Well, no, I actually say "how the fuck did you learn about Kidnapped By Ninjas in the first place". But after THAT, I say you need OR's personal version of Wacky Japanese Indy Shit 101.


10. Danshoku Dino vs Aja Kong

Just like Japanese wrestling in general has three modes, women's wrestling in Japan (Joshi for those who somehow don't know about this) has three archetypes of wrestlers: Super-Hot asskickers (pretty much just Megumi Kudo and Akira Hokuto here, really), vaguely boyish looking junior heavyweights, and vicious monster women whose primary job is murdering the vaguely boyish looking types.

Aja Kong is the third type. And her favorite weapon of boygirl murder is her spinning backfist.

Danshoku Dino is not a joshi wrestler, however. He is the gayest wrestler ever. That's not a homophobic statement or any kind of hyperbole, mind you... Danshoku Dino (both the character and the person who plays him) is an openly gay wrestler whose primary finishing move involved stuffing his opponent's head into his tights for a piledriver. And he's also got like four variations of this, including one where he also stuffs his opponent's head into the thong he wears under his tights. Also, instead of chopping on the chest, he chops his opponents in the dick. No, really.

One day, they met. And as you can probably guess, Dino's signature offense was of little use to him, so Kong murdered him. What makes this crazy awesome? The finish. Before knocking Dino's head off with her backfist, she forces Dino to grab her own tits. In other words, she out-Dinoed Dino.

For what's probably this match but I'm too lazy to check myself, click here.

9. KUDO's Game Of Death

There is a company in Japan called Triple Sixxx, or 666 for short. It's basically JCW, except without shitty rapping clowns and shitty wrestling, it's got some of the weirdest gimmicks imaginable, including a wrestling monk who constantly wrestles while having his legs crossed Yoga style, and a 500 pound version of Ronald McDonald.

KUDO is Japanese Indy Wrestling's homage to Bruce Lee. Much like Bruce Lee, he can cave in your skull with his foot. Also like Bruce Lee, he is fucking awesome.

KUDO came to Triple Sixxx to do a wrestling version of Bruce Lee's Game of Death... essentially a gauntlet match where he fought a bunch of nameless jobbers and 'killed' them in various ways. He even wore a yellow jumpsuit, presumably because his usual wrestling outfight was at the dry cleaners.

KUDO's final opponent... was KUDO himself! Yes, for the first time since 1994, wrestling had a 'mirror match'. The match ended when KUDO (The second KUDO) snapped KUDO's neck.

Sadly, I can't find this on YouTube. Which is odd because I SAW it on YouTube.

8. Saitama Pro Wrestling

What's that, you never heard of Saitama Pro? Well, there's a few reasons for that. One is that it's roster is comprised of like two people. The other is that they almost never had an actual ring, but wrestled on gym mats. But also, you don't know how awesome Japanese indy wrestling is, because Saitama Pro has arguably one of the most famous absurdly bizarre gimmick ever: KEN THE BOX.

Now, I said the roster has two people in it. Well, outside of kayfabe that's true. In kayfabe, the main hero of Saitama Pro is Survival Tobita. Tobita is basically the Blade of Japanese Indies, only instead of vampires, Tobita fights momsters with crazy ass gimmicks like Education Magamon, who forces innocent people to read (WHAT A SICK BASTARD!). But there is one foe that Tobita has never defeated... Ken The Box, aka Mokujin Ken, aka Bokujin Ken.

Their battles are top notch, fifty-star greco-roman classics, like this one here.

7. The Epic Dream Match

This is also from Saitama Pro, and is an even more astounding technical masterpiece. It is the battle that wrestling fans all over the world crave to see, but it has happened only once ever. Two of the greatest and most iconic names in wrestling going at it.

This is... TABLE... VERSUS... LADDER

6. BJPW's Shopping Plaza Deathmatch

Big Japan is basically the CZW of Japan. Well, that's kind of unfair. CZW is more like like Big Japan's braindead stepcousin. One day, they decided to hold a wrestling match in a shopping center in Japan. Where in Japan, I have absolutely no idea. I'm going to guess and say Kyoto. When, sometime in 1996.

Anyway, they have a match... and it kind of sucks really. But then, for absolutely no discernable reason, the wrestlers in the match basically fight all over the shopping plaza, going into stores and punching each other and occasionally knocking over stuff and hitting each other with fish.

I'd go into further detail, but that's pretty much what happens. It's so silly and terrible, and yet like a car wreck, you can't possibly turn away.

Sadly, I can't find it on YouTube.

5. Wrestling HOFer President Ramu

Back to Triple Sixxx for this one, or rather 666's most awesome regular, President Ramu (aka Chairman Ramu, aka Kaicho Ramu). Ramu (the daughter of another wrestler, Onryo) debuted at the age of 7, and almost never lost a match (she held three championships, so I assume she's only lost three matches ever).

Believe it or not, she's only the SECOND youngest wrestler ever, beaten by Mr. 6, but Mr. 6 was essentially a cheesy ripoff of Ramu's act so he's not worthy of further mention here.

For a sample of the awesome that is Ramu, click here.

4. Ironman Heavymetalweight Championship

Dramatic Dream Team is probably the most epic wrestling promotion ever. The home promotion of KUDO and Danshoku Dino, their product is best described as WWE if Vince McMahon was on a permanent LSD trip... and also a billion times more entertaining than WWE ever was. Even their founder/head booker, Sanshiro Takagi, pretty much does a parody of Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Really, I could just put DDT as a whole in this slot, but I'm going to focus on the epicenter of DDT's greatness, it's Ironman Heavymetalweight championship. Having well over 750 championship reigns since it's inception (meaning an average reign is less than a week long), the title is defended 24/7, and the winner does not necessarily have to be a DDT wrestler, or indeed, a member of the human race... or even a living being at all.

And what's not to love about a belt that's been held by a Hello Kitty doll?

Here's footage of one of the belt's most famous title changes, when Ladder #2 (yes, the belt has been won by no less than three different ladders) was pinned by... DDT's ref's dog.

3. The Saga of Yinling's Baby

Before I describe this, watch this video first.

Now, here's what you just saw:

It's from HUSTLE, which was essentially All Japan's attempt at making a promotion like DDT. While it had it's moments, this is by large it's best.

Yinling The Erotic Terrorist was one of the top villains of HUSTLE, and teamed with Tajiri (yes, THAT Tajiri) against Great Muta (yes, THAT Great Muta) and Real Gay (aka Hard Gay #2). Yinling tried to defeat Muta with her "M Style Pin", but Muta countered this by rolling her over and misting her right in her nether regions.

Apparently, the Green Mist does more than just blind opponents, as Yinling became pregnant due to the mist (which begs the question of what would have happened if he used one of the other mist variations instead). Instead of giving birth to the baby, she laid an egg, which grew into... Monster Bono (played by the 64th Yokozuna and guy who kicked Big Show's ass at WrestleMania, Akebono).

I guarantee you if WWE did this exact same storyline only with CM Punk, Gail Kim, and Great Khali, it would lead to MASH Finale-breaking ratings for Raw.

2. YOSHIHIKO

I'm not even going to bother describing YOSHIHIKO, I'm just going to post this video of him wrestling Kenny Omega and let it speak for itself.

1. DDT Campsite Wrestling

Now, if YOSHIHIKO, Danshoku Dino, and the Ironman Heavymetalweight title haven't convinced you yet that DDT is the greatest wrestling promotion ever, then this will.

DDT is the only promotion to feature, and I shit you not, a tag team match in a nature preserve. And this isn't at all like the shitty shopping center match; they actually wrestle. In ring gear. Well, three of the wrestlers do, Muscle Sakai (who, btw, is my personal role model) didn't get the memo and showed up in hiking gear instead. Not only that, but they actually do spots that aren't 'punching a lot'. This is also the first match to my knowledge to feature a BOTTLE ROCKET FIGHT.

This match was so epic, they did at least one more, but here is the original.

And now, for my final thought: Boy that car is coming real fast I hope it's brakes wo